I have been in a pretty shitty way lately, emotionally, physically. Everything.
I started drinking again which was a terrible idea and i'm attributing my horrible pain to it with the combination of my everyday prescription. Today i decided to quit drinking all together and hope that helps. Secondary to that I am attributing it to my allergies. I have terrible seasonal mold allergies that usually flare in the spring when the snow melts and everything is wet and gross. Seeing as we haven't started winter here in Canada yet, the ground is soaked and everything is rotting. I was once hospitalized by my allergies because i couldn't move. They though i had meningitis and did a spinal tap and everything before determining allergies combined with a cold was the cause. SO i bought allergy meds too.
My mental state is totally fucked right now. The fight is getting through the days without breaking down and then trying to figure it out once i'm home without totally losing my shit.
My self injury urges have been getting very bad. I haven't done it, I don't plan on it but it consumes most of my thoughts. I also gained a fuck ton of weight (mostly from drinking) that is wreaking havoc on my mental health and physical health. I'm supposed to shoot a set in the new year (no firm date) but if i don't drop this it's not going to happen. I should be getting better, faster, stronger and instead im a sloth. I had a healthy life going and i fucked it p. I gave up what was important to me to spend time with someone who is not yet that important to me. And I hate me currently. I can shoot a gun now though.
Fuck it man, fuck it.
