comedian

The Blogging Book Burglar

INTRO

After a long day of work in SF, I've come home, turned Less Than Jake on (using Rhapsody, THE most amazing music service ever. I could write a whole blog about the virtues of rhapsody...and I might sometime...), grabbed a cold can of Monster (my vice...my addiction...my...my precioussss :p), and now I sit down to write my first "real" blog post.

It's a strange feeling, writing something to be read by faceless people whom I'm unlikely to ever meet. Like sowing seeds in the wind, I'm unsure what kind of people this will "land" on, and how they'll take it (Yes, that's a Biblical reference from Matthew something:something. I'm not religious, but my background is very, very, religious, so the Bible sneaks its way into my speech here and there. Don't be deterred though, and don't cast me in with your stereotypical, Bible-thumping idiot. It's just part of who I am, and it's not like I had a choice growing up.), but I'm confident that this will help me find other people on the same strange wavelength that I seem to have been born on.

THE BLOG

Anyway, I was going to write a kind of introduction to "me", which would be a sensible first post. However, while perusing(a fun word to say, though it's a bit overused by those of us who like to inflate our intellectual status by using obscure words...)...anyway, while perusing some blogs on here, I ran across a guy with a long, witty, and hilarious post derailing and analyzing all of the major cereal mascots (the lucky charms guy, barnie rubble, the trix rabbit, etc...). I noticed that the guy had hundreds of friends, and it's no wonder, as his posts are so insightful and funny. The kind of posts that I WISH I could write, you know? I'll admit it- I had some major blog envy.

THE BOOK

Now, I'm a fairly avid reader, and right now, I'm reading Chuck Klosterman's ingenious collection of essays, "Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs". On first approach, I assume that this guy has no life, as he spends his days analyzing the most meaningless parts of pop culture, HOWEVER, somehow he finds a way to show how these "meaningless" bits of entertainment both reflect and shape the views and ideals of modern society. In a way, he finds significance in the most insignificant bits of our culture. Here's the cover:

Seriously, if you like subjective pop analysis, READ THIS. It's not flawless, but has some incredibly interesting, and sometimes hilarious, insights.

THE BURGLE (is that a word? If it wasn't, it is now. It means "what a burglar does". Fuck you, Webster!)

Ok, so as I read through this brilliant bit of "pop-analysis", I found Chapter 10, page 121...

...and on he goes with Sonny the Coco Puffs bird, Lucky the leprechaun, Barnie Rubble, Crook the Cookie Crisp guy, etc...etc... Whoa! Chuck's essay(published 7 years ago) was nearly verbatim to that jealousy-inducing blog post. I know "great minds think alike", but that seems to be just a bit too much, ya know? Other parts of the post were only changed slightly, I assume, to make typing it a bit less work. To put it bluntly, HE FUCKING STOLE PART OF A BRILLIANT ESSAY IN ORDER TO INFLATE OTHER PEOPLE'S PERCEPTION OF HIS INTELLECT AND WITTINESS (I don't usually write in obnoxious ALL CAPS, but it seemed appropriate.). That pisses me off. That really, really pisses me off.

So, if you recall one of your friends recent posts being about cereal mascots, don't let yourself value his powers of perception too much. It doesn't mean he's smart or witty. It only means that he can read, and feels no moral obligation to be real with you or anybody else online. Fuck you, dude. (Note: Had he credited the real author, I'd respect his post. It really is a hilarious and witty essay, and I don't mind someone sharing something they read with their SG friends)

Anyway, why the rant? I just hate all the inauthenticity out there. Please, be you. When you write something for the world to see, let us see a little bit of who you are. Don't sell out, or write to get response. Sell outs are at the core of everything that's fucked up in this world. Be authentic, and you'll find authentic friends. Everybody has a unique perspective, a way of looking at the world that it totally special to them. Share that with us, and you'll help the world to be a broader, more understanding place. I'll be your friend.

Fuck the projections and illusions. Give me something real.

Goodnight Suicidals. Comedian Out.