Hum! A bit of a weird week on the good ship Swish-Hips.
Let me explain... I was kind of diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome early last year. I finally came out of denial (or rather did the research) this week... turns out I'm going to have to get comfortable with the idea of being what basically amounts to Mr. Spock, except with the bonus of all those lovely negative emotions that human beings get!
Whereas stereotypical Aspies get into something honest and unashamedly spodlike, like programming or Star Trek, though, I seem to have slipped into anthropology and acting, as a way of: 1) Passing for normal and therefore 2) not getting things thrown at me by neurotypical classmates or colleagues, and maybe making friends among the NT population along the way.
Trouble is, I'm such a good actor I even forgot who I was along the way...now I have to get used to not feeling genuine reciprocity of emotion or love. I have to learn to stop hoping, deluding myself that things can ever change, that one day I could love enough to be loved back! But I don't know what it means... I'm only gifted with logic and awareness enough to realise that I'm missing out on the most precious thing there is.
Don't worry guys n gals. I'll bounce back by the next post, I always do... just takes a bit of getting used to, that's all.
Live long and prosper, as we say... I'm off to think of something to fucking collect!
Let me explain... I was kind of diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome early last year. I finally came out of denial (or rather did the research) this week... turns out I'm going to have to get comfortable with the idea of being what basically amounts to Mr. Spock, except with the bonus of all those lovely negative emotions that human beings get!
Whereas stereotypical Aspies get into something honest and unashamedly spodlike, like programming or Star Trek, though, I seem to have slipped into anthropology and acting, as a way of: 1) Passing for normal and therefore 2) not getting things thrown at me by neurotypical classmates or colleagues, and maybe making friends among the NT population along the way.
Trouble is, I'm such a good actor I even forgot who I was along the way...now I have to get used to not feeling genuine reciprocity of emotion or love. I have to learn to stop hoping, deluding myself that things can ever change, that one day I could love enough to be loved back! But I don't know what it means... I'm only gifted with logic and awareness enough to realise that I'm missing out on the most precious thing there is.
Don't worry guys n gals. I'll bounce back by the next post, I always do... just takes a bit of getting used to, that's all.
Live long and prosper, as we say... I'm off to think of something to fucking collect!
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my monday was a reasonable day... for a monday