if it would have been a girl i wonder what she would have been like in eight years.... what color would her hair would have been and would she smile when i pushed her around on the merry-go-round and call me daddy... if it would have been a boy would he be as free as the wind, could we fly kites and fish and how...
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i saw the sun today..... my eyes were closed.
you rustle the leaves in my mind when all i want to do is just let them sink in the mud.... it's raining all the time in here -the clouds never clear, and every surface i touch is cold. it's sticking to my bones, but you suck the marrow right out of me. and i can't breathe without saying -i wish you were staying, like...
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life as a storybook, the twisted characters we'd become -distorted, contorted -warping the images on the pages that depict in glory detail the saga of our lives. battles. fought on the landscapes of our bodies, sweat and blood seaping through the leaves -flooding the burning fields of your lips and bleeding into the vacant seas of your eyes. falling distant into those aphotic depths of...
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i would say i'm sorry if i thought that it would change your mind, but i know that this time i have said too much been too unkind. i tried to laugh about it -cover it all up with lies, i tried to laugh about it -hiding the tears in my eyes... because boys don't cry, boyys doon't cryy...... i would break down at your...
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dusty:
dont cry johnny....
beauty transending through your words.... falling falling falling gently and smooth as the leaves do in the fall. lying on my back under weeping pillars -their colorful tears drift in spectrums of orange, yellow, and brown.... slowly touching down on the ground. text encrypted lover, touch down on me and weep your dark shades of black and grey on my face... my pen, my sword,...
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smoked my fingers as cigarettes and turned my hands to ash. i dreamt you were a monument that fell around my feet, i never knew dust could taste so sweet. ate my eyelids, but i'll never truly see again. i wanted to be your architect, and sculpt you out of clay... your skin is smooth but cold -fallen to the floor -there you lay. severed...
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VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
dusty:
let me sit smoothly down on your unicorn horn now....youve pierced through the back of my head and ive been swinging from your horn through my left eye for too long but never long enough...
dusty:
eat grass, fuck me, and throw up on the lawn...
that is the hottest shit ive heard all week...
come over?
that is the hottest shit ive heard all week...
come over?
a crusader from the west with love on her hands and blood in her chest -it's not the things she does it's the words she plays that bring sweet darkness to the long hours of my days. web entangled thoughts stick to sounds in my mind -she won't leave my head, but i wouldn't want to see it go fleeting. vanity approaches but never encroaches...
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og_stinger:
I know permanent markers I went to jail because of a permanent marker. 
dusty:
your words make me feel like skinning myself alive to deal with the emotion you evoke...i cant take this...im bleeding and dying...and you live on a pinprick which is too hard for me to find...
take me, make me, build me up and foresake me.... i want to be the condom of our generation -used up and thrown away. beat me, cheat me, suck me up and secrete me.... slice my wrists and watch me decay. bleed me crimson, jade me pale -hollow me out into an empy shell. give me torment, only to leave me dormant -because i lust...
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collapse_on_me:
this one reminds me a lot of your january 18th entry... can't you come up with some new stuff you asshole? that was probably the most banal and trite piece of work i've ever seen, and i use the term "work" loosely... why don't you get some new material and stop regurgitating your old shit? remind me to buy you a bib the next time you decide to upchuck all over yourself.
dusty:
nothing gets me hotter than a boy who talks to himself...
finding it harder and harder to breathe with all these words in my mouth so i find much easier to spit them at you. i'm running low on peptno, and all of these thoughts spinning my head make my stomach hurt so i get them out in my spew. you're covered with vomit and spit, but don't worry it's all the same old shit because...
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VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
dusty:
i am polluted...
dusty:
with the thought of you...and how with your bare already bleeding hands you will rip into my body and extract my intestines....put the bloody tube to your mouth and suck up all the backed up shit and rotting food to cleanse my system and make me new for you...open your mouth and i will open all the holes on my body and twirl and bend until you have emptied my used stomach lining from your hole to all of mine...i wish to sit you down in a chair and tie your hands and feet with my hair, take that big axe we have been saving for a special occasion and split your head right in two eat your brains drink your blood watch your eyes roll back pluck them out and eat one shove the other one in your dick hole sit on top of you fuck your dick and your eye giving you a secret glance at my uterus...hopefully your eye will grow fingers and penetrate my fallopian tubes impregnating me with more of your little eyeballs...when i birth your spawn i will place them all over my house so you may watch me as i tend to my dusty business...
if love could develop through machinery and words, then i would be in love with you...for i am already in lust....
[Edited on Feb 01, 2005 3:35PM]
if love could develop through machinery and words, then i would be in love with you...for i am already in lust....
[Edited on Feb 01, 2005 3:35PM]
my ex-boyfriend went through this about 4 years before we were together. he is still dealing with it; i have stayed up nites holding him and crying with him - its something that doesnt go away.
she did what she thought she was going to be able to deal with - i wont get into my personal views on abortion, and i wont say she was right or wrong.
but this isnt something that we as human beings are meant to deal with.... especially those as young as us. you have the right to mourn and you have the right to be angry and you have the right to cry your eyes out.
i want to be able to tell you something to make it go away but i cant. and im being honest, because i always am - you will carry this around for the rest of your life.
there is a time to mourn, and then, as stupid as it sounds, you will find strength in the people you love, the people who care about you.
if you dont feel like you have that in your life, please talk to me.... ive watched someone i love go through this, and i dont think he could have done it without someone to talk to.