Saturday, August 13: Idiocy and Akwardness in Three Acts
Act I: Damien Begins His Journy (or Willowbrook)
Our hero journeys to a local mall. Upon arriving, he visits his good friend, Iggy at work. They chat for a while about life, love, and regret, then our hero must depart to complete his litany of tasks.
He makes a sudden diversion to the mall book store, browsing around. Looking through the fiction books, he sees a copy of Confederacy of Dunces, but decides he would rather purchase it from the independent book store he frequents because he is so fucking anti-establishment it hurts.
Now, to Macy's! The mall was thick with unsavory elements this evening. Fourteen year old girls with shorts that barely cover their just-pubescent womanhood, paper tiger street toughs, and large middle-aged women. After successfully making his way to the men's fragerance section, confusion struck. There was a new competitor for our hero's nostrils. Going away from old faithful Kenneth Cole Reaction, a chance was taken on spunky newcomer Lacoste Style in Play.
Energized by this drastic change, our hero stopped at Starbucks for a Grande Raspberry Chai and made his way to his car...
Act II: Press On, Young Hipster!
The long journey from the Willowbrook enclave to downtown Montclair was finally completed, leaving fifteen minutes before the cool indie book store closes. Our hero breathed a sigh of relief and entered the hallowed floors of this mecca of literature. He gleefully made his way to the T's. To his dismay, they were out of Confederacy of Dunces. No, the obvious joke will not be made.
After making this trip, there was no way our hero would leave empty-handed. Settling not being outside of his parameters, he picked up a seven-dollar copy of Amnesia Moon, a likely weak sister in the pantheon of Jonathan Lethem fare. Alas, a quick choice had to be made as the doors were about to close for the evening.
Banking on karmic points for supporting the little guy, our hero made his purchase and grumbled his way back to his car...
Act III: Stupid, Stupid, Stupid
Now, the final leg! A trip to our hero's promise land, The Bottle King. Smelling wonderful and steeped in caffeine, he rolled into the lot with an air of confidence.
While there was no Magic Hat, there was Flying Dog. Surely not nearly as good as the former, but still a quality brew. Wine wasn't fit for the occasion and cheap beer simply would not cut it tonight.
Ah, time to pay for the goods. A cute Latina with glasses and a monroe swiped the sixer through, looked up, smiled, and asked our hero if this was a good beer. With a cool chuckle, Damien exalted the Dog, but made it known that his preferance was for the Hat. She made some small conversation and he returned it. Finally, she said she was going to try some tonight, and our hero said he would ask the pretty young lady if she liked it if he saw her the next time he visited. He made his way out to his car and began to drive.
It wasn't until he hit about the fourth block away from Bottle King that he realized that yes, this girl was certainly flirting with him. This wasn't the first time a girl at a register flirted with our hero and he responded with awkwardness, only to leave without trying to establish some form of future contact.
Well, at least our hero smells really good.
The End?
Act I: Damien Begins His Journy (or Willowbrook)
Our hero journeys to a local mall. Upon arriving, he visits his good friend, Iggy at work. They chat for a while about life, love, and regret, then our hero must depart to complete his litany of tasks.
He makes a sudden diversion to the mall book store, browsing around. Looking through the fiction books, he sees a copy of Confederacy of Dunces, but decides he would rather purchase it from the independent book store he frequents because he is so fucking anti-establishment it hurts.
Now, to Macy's! The mall was thick with unsavory elements this evening. Fourteen year old girls with shorts that barely cover their just-pubescent womanhood, paper tiger street toughs, and large middle-aged women. After successfully making his way to the men's fragerance section, confusion struck. There was a new competitor for our hero's nostrils. Going away from old faithful Kenneth Cole Reaction, a chance was taken on spunky newcomer Lacoste Style in Play.
Energized by this drastic change, our hero stopped at Starbucks for a Grande Raspberry Chai and made his way to his car...
Act II: Press On, Young Hipster!
The long journey from the Willowbrook enclave to downtown Montclair was finally completed, leaving fifteen minutes before the cool indie book store closes. Our hero breathed a sigh of relief and entered the hallowed floors of this mecca of literature. He gleefully made his way to the T's. To his dismay, they were out of Confederacy of Dunces. No, the obvious joke will not be made.
After making this trip, there was no way our hero would leave empty-handed. Settling not being outside of his parameters, he picked up a seven-dollar copy of Amnesia Moon, a likely weak sister in the pantheon of Jonathan Lethem fare. Alas, a quick choice had to be made as the doors were about to close for the evening.
Banking on karmic points for supporting the little guy, our hero made his purchase and grumbled his way back to his car...
Act III: Stupid, Stupid, Stupid
Now, the final leg! A trip to our hero's promise land, The Bottle King. Smelling wonderful and steeped in caffeine, he rolled into the lot with an air of confidence.
While there was no Magic Hat, there was Flying Dog. Surely not nearly as good as the former, but still a quality brew. Wine wasn't fit for the occasion and cheap beer simply would not cut it tonight.
Ah, time to pay for the goods. A cute Latina with glasses and a monroe swiped the sixer through, looked up, smiled, and asked our hero if this was a good beer. With a cool chuckle, Damien exalted the Dog, but made it known that his preferance was for the Hat. She made some small conversation and he returned it. Finally, she said she was going to try some tonight, and our hero said he would ask the pretty young lady if she liked it if he saw her the next time he visited. He made his way out to his car and began to drive.
It wasn't until he hit about the fourth block away from Bottle King that he realized that yes, this girl was certainly flirting with him. This wasn't the first time a girl at a register flirted with our hero and he responded with awkwardness, only to leave without trying to establish some form of future contact.
Well, at least our hero smells really good.
The End?
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
stewfnrocker:
Ah I must say that you should have looked at the Givenchy fregrances!!! They have some of the best mens fragrances out there. Their old one, PI, Then their blue label, and now their brand new fragrance Very Irresistable(not a great name, but has a cool look to it). Haha I think she wanted to try some of your beer with you that night... smooth one cowboy! But all is good, you still smelled good I bet.
stewfnrocker:
yeah I am not much better than you. I do the same thing! I notice that the girl was flirting with me after the fact and it would be to late to go running back and be like OH wanna come over and try it... type thing. We are on the same boat.