confiding if thats even how you spell it.
i am so lonely and depressed.
because of the 110 degree temperature ive been locked in the house all day thus extremely restless.
last night i was dumb enough to look at ann's myspace and it nearly ended me.
to go from such a lovefull life to nothing for 10 months is starting to really wear.
especially since who i was then seemed to be so depressed and empty and i feel so much more alive and passionate, i feel like an entirely different better person.
and she will never know that person and if anybody deserves to know him its her.
looking back i think or i really kinda believe i push the people that are good to me away.
i think ann is the nicest person ive ever known.
where as jordan is constantly insulting me and telling me im not good enough.
i figured if i put myself in fucked up situations i could only come out stronger.
now i have a headache, a heartache and no shoulders or ears.
and the weather is pissing me off to no end.
i want to tell her im sorry, but i dont need the anxiety of dying love.
no matter how hard we try the way we are raised is the foundation for who we are and i fear that my idea of love will remain so skewed, such an ugly equation, that i will never find somebody to be fucked up with me or by the time im no longer fucked up the best parts of my life will be gone.
i'm really trying though, i just wish i could show her how far ive come without falling back in love.
fucking feelings, id like to say its better to not know your unhealthy because then you dont have the stress of knowing you arent footing your own bill, because in your mind you are.
i am so lonely and depressed.
because of the 110 degree temperature ive been locked in the house all day thus extremely restless.
last night i was dumb enough to look at ann's myspace and it nearly ended me.
to go from such a lovefull life to nothing for 10 months is starting to really wear.
especially since who i was then seemed to be so depressed and empty and i feel so much more alive and passionate, i feel like an entirely different better person.
and she will never know that person and if anybody deserves to know him its her.
looking back i think or i really kinda believe i push the people that are good to me away.
i think ann is the nicest person ive ever known.
where as jordan is constantly insulting me and telling me im not good enough.
i figured if i put myself in fucked up situations i could only come out stronger.
now i have a headache, a heartache and no shoulders or ears.
and the weather is pissing me off to no end.
i want to tell her im sorry, but i dont need the anxiety of dying love.
no matter how hard we try the way we are raised is the foundation for who we are and i fear that my idea of love will remain so skewed, such an ugly equation, that i will never find somebody to be fucked up with me or by the time im no longer fucked up the best parts of my life will be gone.
i'm really trying though, i just wish i could show her how far ive come without falling back in love.
fucking feelings, id like to say its better to not know your unhealthy because then you dont have the stress of knowing you arent footing your own bill, because in your mind you are.