The Thirteenth [And Last] Hundred Days
The New Yorker
by Paul Slansky
Issue of 2004-08-30
Posted 2004-08-23
1. Three of these statements were made by George W. Bush. Which one was made by Senator Rick Santorum (R-Pa.)?
(a) Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.
(b) Tribal sovereignty means that its sovereign. Youre ayouve been given sovereignty and youre viewed as a sovereign entity.
(c) Iraqis are sick of foreign people coming in their country and trying to destabilize their country, and we will help them rid Iraq of these killers.
(d) Isnt that the ultimate homeland securitystanding up and defending marriage?
Whos who?
2. Alberto Gonzales.
3. Tony Robinson.
4. Steven Galson.
5. Thomas B. Griffith.
6. Devon Largio.
7. Terry Holt.
(a) The Bush federal-appeals-court nominee who practiced law in Utah for four years without a state license.
(b) The college student whose honors thesis found that the Bush Administration offered twenty-three different rationales for the Iraq war.
(c) The federal drug official who rejected the 23-4 recommendation of an advisory panel and refused to allow a morning-after birth-control pill to be sold over the counter.
(d) The former Army interrogation instructor who said of the Abu Ghraib prison photographs, Frat hazing is worse than this.
(e) The author of the 2002 memo to George W. Bush which said that the war on terrorism renders quaint certain provisions of the Geneva Conventions.
(f) The Bush campaign official who referred to stem-cell researchers who oppose restrictions on their work as mad scientists out of control.
8. Complete George W. Bushs statement: The reason ______________.
(a) I cant stop saying the American people are safer [is] because the American people are safer
(b) I keep insisting that there was a relationship between Iraq and Saddam and Al Qaeda [is] because there was a relationship between Iraq and Al Qaeda
(c) people all over the world think the United States government authorized torture [is] because the United States government did authorize torture
(d) Jenna stuck her tongue out at those reporters [is] those reporters deserved to have their tongues stuck out at
9. What caused Dick Cheney to say to Senator Patrick Leahy (D-Vt.), Fuck yourself?
(a) Leahy had said, So, Dick, you didnt think you needed to check with the boss before ordering planes full of civilians to be shot down?
(b) Leahy had made a comment comparing Cheneys quintuple-deferment war record with John Kerrys heroics.
(c) Leahy had pointed out how many no-bid contracts had gone to Halliburton.
(d) Leahy had said, Cheneys turned into a James Bond villain.
10. Three of these statements describe Deputy Defense Secretary Paul Wolfowitz. Which one describes his boss, Donald Rumsfeld?
(a) He publicly understated the number of deaths of United States soldiers in Iraq by more than two hundred at a congressional hearing.
(b) He scoffed at the notion that prisonersquality of life was compromised at Abu Ghraib, saying, Whether they have a PX or a good restaurant is not the issue.
(c) He told a House committee hearing that so many negative stories are coming out of Iraq because reporters are afraid to travel very much, so they sit in Baghdad and they publish rumors.
(d) He conceded, after a good deal of questioning by a Senate committee, that putting a bag over someones head for seventy-two hours was not humane.
11. In May, the White House announced that George W. Bush would deliver five weekly speeches intended to shore up support for his Iraq policies. How many of the five did he deliver before abandoning the effort?
(a) One. (c) Three.
(b) Two. (d) Four.
12. Which statement did Ron Reagan not make?
(a) Dad . . . never made the fatal mistake of so many politicians: wearing his faith on his sleeve to gain political advantage.
(b) My father didnt know George W. Bush from Adam.
(c) Cheney brought my mother up to the casket . . . she has glaucoma and has trouble seeing. There were steps, and he left her there. He just stood there, letting her flounder. I dont think hes a mindful human being.
(d) My father wouldnt have had to prove how macho he was by waving around Saddams gun.
13. Where was the Cheney rally at which people were refused admission unless they signed this statement: I, (full name) . . . do herby [sic] endorse George W. Bush for re-election of the United States?
(a) Missouri. (c) Nevada.
(b) Michigan. (d) New Mexico.
14. How did George W. Bush pronounce the name of Abu Ghraib prison, the site of the abuses that he claimed to have been disgusted of and disgraced about?
(a) Abugah-rayp.
(b) Abu-gareff.
(c) Abu-garon and Abu-garah.
(d) All of the above.
Answers:
(1) d, (2) e, (3) d, (4) c, (5) a, (6) b, (7) f, (8) b, (9) c, (10) b, (11) a, (12) d, (13) d, (14) d.
The New Yorker
by Paul Slansky
Issue of 2004-08-30
Posted 2004-08-23
1. Three of these statements were made by George W. Bush. Which one was made by Senator Rick Santorum (R-Pa.)?
(a) Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.
(b) Tribal sovereignty means that its sovereign. Youre ayouve been given sovereignty and youre viewed as a sovereign entity.
(c) Iraqis are sick of foreign people coming in their country and trying to destabilize their country, and we will help them rid Iraq of these killers.
(d) Isnt that the ultimate homeland securitystanding up and defending marriage?
Whos who?
2. Alberto Gonzales.
3. Tony Robinson.
4. Steven Galson.
5. Thomas B. Griffith.
6. Devon Largio.
7. Terry Holt.
(a) The Bush federal-appeals-court nominee who practiced law in Utah for four years without a state license.
(b) The college student whose honors thesis found that the Bush Administration offered twenty-three different rationales for the Iraq war.
(c) The federal drug official who rejected the 23-4 recommendation of an advisory panel and refused to allow a morning-after birth-control pill to be sold over the counter.
(d) The former Army interrogation instructor who said of the Abu Ghraib prison photographs, Frat hazing is worse than this.
(e) The author of the 2002 memo to George W. Bush which said that the war on terrorism renders quaint certain provisions of the Geneva Conventions.
(f) The Bush campaign official who referred to stem-cell researchers who oppose restrictions on their work as mad scientists out of control.
8. Complete George W. Bushs statement: The reason ______________.
(a) I cant stop saying the American people are safer [is] because the American people are safer
(b) I keep insisting that there was a relationship between Iraq and Saddam and Al Qaeda [is] because there was a relationship between Iraq and Al Qaeda
(c) people all over the world think the United States government authorized torture [is] because the United States government did authorize torture
(d) Jenna stuck her tongue out at those reporters [is] those reporters deserved to have their tongues stuck out at
9. What caused Dick Cheney to say to Senator Patrick Leahy (D-Vt.), Fuck yourself?
(a) Leahy had said, So, Dick, you didnt think you needed to check with the boss before ordering planes full of civilians to be shot down?
(b) Leahy had made a comment comparing Cheneys quintuple-deferment war record with John Kerrys heroics.
(c) Leahy had pointed out how many no-bid contracts had gone to Halliburton.
(d) Leahy had said, Cheneys turned into a James Bond villain.
10. Three of these statements describe Deputy Defense Secretary Paul Wolfowitz. Which one describes his boss, Donald Rumsfeld?
(a) He publicly understated the number of deaths of United States soldiers in Iraq by more than two hundred at a congressional hearing.
(b) He scoffed at the notion that prisonersquality of life was compromised at Abu Ghraib, saying, Whether they have a PX or a good restaurant is not the issue.
(c) He told a House committee hearing that so many negative stories are coming out of Iraq because reporters are afraid to travel very much, so they sit in Baghdad and they publish rumors.
(d) He conceded, after a good deal of questioning by a Senate committee, that putting a bag over someones head for seventy-two hours was not humane.
11. In May, the White House announced that George W. Bush would deliver five weekly speeches intended to shore up support for his Iraq policies. How many of the five did he deliver before abandoning the effort?
(a) One. (c) Three.
(b) Two. (d) Four.
12. Which statement did Ron Reagan not make?
(a) Dad . . . never made the fatal mistake of so many politicians: wearing his faith on his sleeve to gain political advantage.
(b) My father didnt know George W. Bush from Adam.
(c) Cheney brought my mother up to the casket . . . she has glaucoma and has trouble seeing. There were steps, and he left her there. He just stood there, letting her flounder. I dont think hes a mindful human being.
(d) My father wouldnt have had to prove how macho he was by waving around Saddams gun.
13. Where was the Cheney rally at which people were refused admission unless they signed this statement: I, (full name) . . . do herby [sic] endorse George W. Bush for re-election of the United States?
(a) Missouri. (c) Nevada.
(b) Michigan. (d) New Mexico.
14. How did George W. Bush pronounce the name of Abu Ghraib prison, the site of the abuses that he claimed to have been disgusted of and disgraced about?
(a) Abugah-rayp.
(b) Abu-gareff.
(c) Abu-garon and Abu-garah.
(d) All of the above.
Answers:
(1) d, (2) e, (3) d, (4) c, (5) a, (6) b, (7) f, (8) b, (9) c, (10) b, (11) a, (12) d, (13) d, (14) d.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
roxxee:
What a jack-ass. 
coffee_riot:
Hmm... My only German-speaking skills are the ability to count to three and order schnitzel und weissbier without embarassing myself 