clubmix1996

I would have said something already but its been awkward hasnt it? There are the kinds of people that are in love with different human beings as a hobby, changing faces weekly and even daily. But I mostly just want to love you. There is some greasy film in between us that makes me feel stupid and act like I cant be myself. Grown as an artist. Ick.

I am an inconvenience, one that you have a hard time even trying to remember; you dont think to call me. You dont remember my birthday; you dont remember that our "would have been" 4rth yr anniversary just passed. We almost made it. Yeah this is all pinned on me. I woke up and I cant go back to sleep. Crying is just like going through familiar motions to me, Im not sure it means anything anymore, and you dont know what to say.

I am listed somewhere in that thick head of yours. I am listed and not enchanted by the present. Anyways, what can I do now? I have a few things on my mind, I have plans to start rehearsing and creating choreography for the next burlesque show which is technically months away, but I want to do a tap number for my solo and I need to start working on that now. I still need one more girl bitches so APPLY!

I dyed my hair reddish, I wish I could get it to go back to blonde but alas, I am growing it out and I dont want it to all fall out. Before I go away on my trip I will dye it highlighted red again and maybe even highlighted with some gold.

Yesterday at work I made an embarrassingly low amount of money. I think I can attribute that to the lack of sleep. Well I had too much today. After the musical practice I had planned to go in and work it a little, but I didnt get up early enough before practice to get my hair and face ready for work. I am going in tonight though; I hope to do much better than how I did Wednesday. I need a better work ethic; sometimes I make pretty good money for this area and being a completely natural girl (meaning no plastic surgery) but I know personally I could make so much more if I just worked a little harder. But I have dumb hang-ups like I can never ask a young guy for a dance without feeling really dumb. I swear older guys like me better anyways, that is yet another reason why I should maybe relocate my job to the Lucky lady. I have heard mixed responses when it comes to how much a person makes there in a night, but I know for a fact older men flock there. One girl told me a considerably low amount of money she makes on a regular basis, the other told me she made much more there than she does at Scores. I dont know maybe I should just try it for a week and see how I feel about it.

I wish for just a week my hair would be long, now that my hair is such a weird color, I cant find a fall that looks good on it or matches like at all, so I have been curling my hair for work. At home you know how I look. I never wear make-up or anything. So after I get back from the trip I have made a commitment to myself to really take on yoga once a day. I need it for inner balance; I think it might help with everything.

I have been eating pretty healthily lately, so I am proud of myself there. I looked at my body in the mirror for a second today after trying on the costumes that we are going to use for the musical and for a second I liked my body; I just wish it were smaller. I mean I thought of that second. I received the dresses that I ordered from daddyos a few days back and I love them just one of them fits my hips a little tight. I will have to find some really good control top panty hose or a nice firm control gartini to wear with it. We` will see what I am able to find.

Also on the list of things to do is get a huge stack of business cards to give out for the make-up selling business. I love it so far even though I havent sold a damned thing, I will have a small make-up party when I get back into town, if you want to come just email me with the email address found on my info page and you can come whether you intend to buy or not.

Heather Von at work is getting implants next week; I want to punch her in the face.