I cant fucking sleep. Its 7am and I agreed to take pictures later AND work. Well they dont even have my schedule yet at work, but you know I always work Monday nights. So here I am alone and thinking.
First I cant help but dwell on the fact that I feel like incredibly old. I know I just turned 21, but I never even wanted to leave high school. I feel so behind. People have either gotten so far in school or they have just gone on to do big things and accomplish stuff. Breea has her own fucking condo. Brittney is almost a Jr. And may have more credit than I do in college and I have called myself going for a longer amount of time. Brett has his music and I swear hes about to marry Kathryn. WHAT IS HAPPENING????
Its like everyone I know is a fucking adult now. Except me. I have nothing except a few material possessions and a cat that poops everywhere for no reason. I am so fucking pissed at myself for making the dumbest decisions. I could be a Jr. in College for dance right now. I could be participating in community and school dance performances. I could be in School musicals. I could have done it. But no I came back here.
If I would have known I was going to be a dumb ass and loose the love of my life then shit, I would have stayed. At least I would be away from them. Hes not in my life anymore so hes not keeping me here. Brittney is too busy for me. What do I have to show for myself since I have come back home???
Its not like I had anything in Seattle either though. Gosh. I hated it there. I hated living with my mom and I should never live with her again. In that year that we didnt live together I became much more independent and mature but she didnt seem like she could handle that very well. We get along much better now that we dont live together. I missed being home when I was there, and I couldnt find a fucking job that would deal with my crazy school schedule. FUCK! Where is happiness? Where is the middle effing line? Does it exist?
This is what I want. Seriously
I want to start saving hella money. Re-apply for Cornish in the Dance department. Find roommate that lives near the school. Save money all summer. Rent a U-haul in the fall and move everything out there By myself. Find a job out there while living off of whatever I could save. Go back to school. Be embarrassed that I am an older sophomore in the dance department. And fucking tough through it. Get back into it. Do something with my life. And fuck Evansville Indiana. CAN I ACHIEVE THIS GOAL?
YES.
First I cant help but dwell on the fact that I feel like incredibly old. I know I just turned 21, but I never even wanted to leave high school. I feel so behind. People have either gotten so far in school or they have just gone on to do big things and accomplish stuff. Breea has her own fucking condo. Brittney is almost a Jr. And may have more credit than I do in college and I have called myself going for a longer amount of time. Brett has his music and I swear hes about to marry Kathryn. WHAT IS HAPPENING????
Its like everyone I know is a fucking adult now. Except me. I have nothing except a few material possessions and a cat that poops everywhere for no reason. I am so fucking pissed at myself for making the dumbest decisions. I could be a Jr. in College for dance right now. I could be participating in community and school dance performances. I could be in School musicals. I could have done it. But no I came back here.
If I would have known I was going to be a dumb ass and loose the love of my life then shit, I would have stayed. At least I would be away from them. Hes not in my life anymore so hes not keeping me here. Brittney is too busy for me. What do I have to show for myself since I have come back home???
Its not like I had anything in Seattle either though. Gosh. I hated it there. I hated living with my mom and I should never live with her again. In that year that we didnt live together I became much more independent and mature but she didnt seem like she could handle that very well. We get along much better now that we dont live together. I missed being home when I was there, and I couldnt find a fucking job that would deal with my crazy school schedule. FUCK! Where is happiness? Where is the middle effing line? Does it exist?
This is what I want. Seriously
I want to start saving hella money. Re-apply for Cornish in the Dance department. Find roommate that lives near the school. Save money all summer. Rent a U-haul in the fall and move everything out there By myself. Find a job out there while living off of whatever I could save. Go back to school. Be embarrassed that I am an older sophomore in the dance department. And fucking tough through it. Get back into it. Do something with my life. And fuck Evansville Indiana. CAN I ACHIEVE THIS GOAL?
YES.
Best of luck