clintron

I am in really bad shape. I hate life.
I wish it would just stop.
I think loneliness is the worst feeling ever. I am reminded of it when I get out of work, when I wake up, when I try to do anything.
I give up.

I fail.
Just kind of sick of everything, trapped in my life or what I have made it. Routine, routine. Work, sleep, work, drink sleep, or I guess more correctly, don't sleep. I don't really have any friends that I want to hang out with on my days off so I just end up doing everything alone. Usually sleeping.
I don't know if I've kind...
Read More

Fucking Christ. I haven't posted since October. i have all these thoughts that I want to write down but I never do and it kills me. I've had a few beers and had the day off from work today- something of a rarity.
Do you ever watch a movie and want to blow your head off?
It happens to me more and more. Movies never...
Read More

My house makes me do funny things. Weird things. Bad things.
In Portsmouth the other night there was this thing- a prom- the Big Kids' Prom. It's for folks who are old enough to drink. It's a prom. Use your imagination.
This year it had a zombie theme. So... I do myself up, find a junk tux in my closet (I have something like five...
Read More

I just punched a hole in the wall. It's mostly because of my relative inability to control my actions due to this feeling I've just recently discovered- hatred. I don't think I like it very much. I had thought that I'd known it before but it was nothing compared to this. I think of the thing that my hatred is directed toward and I can't...
Read More

all that, but now, only sometimes. ugh.

I thnk I'm on the verge of another breakdown. I'm shaking right now as I type this, my whole body wants to explode into a huge scream/cry/smash/punch/kill right now. I can't concentrate on anything, not even enough to read a few words on a page. I don't know what to do now. I feel like I want to be dead. The pain is huge. I...
Read More

ugh. don't know what to say but I should say something. Going up north a bit to meet the owner/chef of this really nice French restaurant. Not that I'm looking for a new job, but it's always good to know people. It sounds like an awesome place to work. I don't know, guess I should go shower and make myself presentable.

Woo woo! Haven't been on here in months! Have to run to work soon! Feel pretty ok! Maybe I'll talk to you folks one day! Maybe it's update time!

don't know. feel miserable. have. lonely. drunk. feel miserable. want to talk. type on blog. don't know. what do i do? lonely. nervous breakdown imminent. hate. think. lonely. think. miserable. don't know? please call me. sad. angry. disillusioned? lonely. feel miserable. pointless. why?
fix?
yes? no.
how?
more like how long.
more beer. more lonely. feel miserable. sleep? no.
ugh. talk? somebody? please?

death to...
Read More