First of all, I'd like to open with this: FUCK THE STAPLES CENTER!
And, well, I knew better than to be going to see a concert there..............but it was Tool, and they don't ever really go on tour. I figured I'd better take this opportunity. So, after paying the $20 parking fee (yes, I said $20! bastards!) we end up with a pretty okay parking spot. At the front door, they wouldn't allow my gorgeous and beautiful lady friend to bring her bondage belt in. I mean, I guess you could savage someone with a belt, but hell, for that matter, I could take off my platform boot and savage someone with that. I am glad that no one mentioned the shoe possibility, because I am sure that I would have had to go barefoot at that point. So, we return to my car to return her belt (no way is security gettting to keep that) decided that the only proper way to handle the situation was to piss on the ground of the Staples Center. That temporarily made the situation feel better.
After this, we go back to the front door to try and get in again, and by this time, Tool has already gone on. So, we are hurrying up to our seats. And when I say up, I mean UP. $43 will get you the very second to last row at a Tool concert at the Staples Center. Maynard and Danny Carey looked like ants on the stage........And there were screens all over the place, but they were projecting beautiful art, and not close-ups of the band. No matter..........it is still great to be hearing their music live......and we have a plan: to get closer seating with room to dance. Well, as you would have it, my friend was in a horrible motorcycle accident and is missing a huge chunk of her leg. And, seeing as how there were so many empty handicap seatings in our section, it seemed like the appropriate thing to do was get ourselves there. After ten minutes of searching and negotiating, we end up in these better seats, which were 100 feet closer. There was also a lot more room. The show was much more enjoyable from here.
Then, I tried to go get my friend a drink. Well, the dickhead manager decided to make the line end with me. Literally, right when I walked up, he told me there was no way they would serve me. I try to negotiate with him, and ask him to talk to his boss. Meanwhile, some guy cuts in front of me, and is in the line now. So his boss comes over, and tells me that if I try to keep questioning them, that I will be thrown out. It made me so mad. Fuck them, and fuck that guy who cut in line in front of me to buy a drink. Their cut-off time for alcohol is ten pm. Who the fuck does that?!
So I watch the rest of the show, and try to get past my anger and enjoy this beautiful music. All in all, it was a pretty good show. They only played music from their new album and Aenima (but these are both great albums, so it's okay). And I did get to see Danny Carey jumping around in his lakers uniform when the show ended. He is a real sasquatch of a man, and I want to make babies with him. I will make this happen............
After the show, I gave the manager that wouldn't serve me a drink the finger (which felt pretty good). In the parking lot, as retribution, we decided that the only fitting pay-back would be to steal some traffic cones. That also felt pretty good. You have to make the best of your situation.
So let's go through a check-list here:
1. I pissed on the staples center
2. We scored handicapped seating
3. I gave the manager the finger and told him to fuck himself
4. We stole two giant traffic cones
I guess you could say it was a productive night. Despite all the rude pretentions of the Staples Center, we managed to have some fun at their expense. And the moral of the story is this: I will never go see a show there again . period.
And, well, I knew better than to be going to see a concert there..............but it was Tool, and they don't ever really go on tour. I figured I'd better take this opportunity. So, after paying the $20 parking fee (yes, I said $20! bastards!) we end up with a pretty okay parking spot. At the front door, they wouldn't allow my gorgeous and beautiful lady friend to bring her bondage belt in. I mean, I guess you could savage someone with a belt, but hell, for that matter, I could take off my platform boot and savage someone with that. I am glad that no one mentioned the shoe possibility, because I am sure that I would have had to go barefoot at that point. So, we return to my car to return her belt (no way is security gettting to keep that) decided that the only proper way to handle the situation was to piss on the ground of the Staples Center. That temporarily made the situation feel better.
After this, we go back to the front door to try and get in again, and by this time, Tool has already gone on. So, we are hurrying up to our seats. And when I say up, I mean UP. $43 will get you the very second to last row at a Tool concert at the Staples Center. Maynard and Danny Carey looked like ants on the stage........And there were screens all over the place, but they were projecting beautiful art, and not close-ups of the band. No matter..........it is still great to be hearing their music live......and we have a plan: to get closer seating with room to dance. Well, as you would have it, my friend was in a horrible motorcycle accident and is missing a huge chunk of her leg. And, seeing as how there were so many empty handicap seatings in our section, it seemed like the appropriate thing to do was get ourselves there. After ten minutes of searching and negotiating, we end up in these better seats, which were 100 feet closer. There was also a lot more room. The show was much more enjoyable from here.
Then, I tried to go get my friend a drink. Well, the dickhead manager decided to make the line end with me. Literally, right when I walked up, he told me there was no way they would serve me. I try to negotiate with him, and ask him to talk to his boss. Meanwhile, some guy cuts in front of me, and is in the line now. So his boss comes over, and tells me that if I try to keep questioning them, that I will be thrown out. It made me so mad. Fuck them, and fuck that guy who cut in line in front of me to buy a drink. Their cut-off time for alcohol is ten pm. Who the fuck does that?!
So I watch the rest of the show, and try to get past my anger and enjoy this beautiful music. All in all, it was a pretty good show. They only played music from their new album and Aenima (but these are both great albums, so it's okay). And I did get to see Danny Carey jumping around in his lakers uniform when the show ended. He is a real sasquatch of a man, and I want to make babies with him. I will make this happen............
After the show, I gave the manager that wouldn't serve me a drink the finger (which felt pretty good). In the parking lot, as retribution, we decided that the only fitting pay-back would be to steal some traffic cones. That also felt pretty good. You have to make the best of your situation.
So let's go through a check-list here:
1. I pissed on the staples center
2. We scored handicapped seating
3. I gave the manager the finger and told him to fuck himself
4. We stole two giant traffic cones
I guess you could say it was a productive night. Despite all the rude pretentions of the Staples Center, we managed to have some fun at their expense. And the moral of the story is this: I will never go see a show there again . period.