citrus

so i suppose it's been a while. a week... not long, really.

i'm in the public library.
working on my resume has been quite the challenge... first this one's computers were down, so i waited and went to another branch and then THEIR computers were down so i waited and roamed and came back to this one and finally!
of course, i should be doing that RIGHT NOW, and i'm slacking.

i spend a lot of time in my room these days. there was all the settling in to do, and i have lots to read.
i have some plans, of course, and i explore a bit, i spend too much time just walking the streets in the city and i hardly remember where it was i saw this or that i liked and wanted to return to.
personal business over the phone eats my cell minutes and it's pissing me off. i want my shit resolved.

a girl friend and i spent sunday at the beach. it was mostly a whim. i spend a lot of time with her. i am so happy to have her near.
she called on her way down from the bronx and i met her in the first car at my station. a quick ride.
we took off our shoes and laid a towel down on the sand after walking the deck for a while and we read to each other and had a good time and had cold beverages. i laid on my stomach with my shirt pulled up over my head while she chose entries from a journal she kept when she relocated to the city. so many of her penned emotions were right on with what i've been experiencing. she says i'm doing quite well. of course, i can't see from her perspective.
we rolled up the legs of our jeans and held hands and walked into the surf and she smiled at my squealing when a wave took me by surprise and my knees got wet. she embraced me and i feel at home. another girl friend tells me that i feel like home to her, and she's lived here her entire life.
but i rarely don't feel like home
and and and - then she treated me to dinner at a russian place on the boardwalk.

this city takes getting used to.
it's interesting to realize how very normal it is for the majority of the people here... it's not so unusual to me, i'm doing alright figuring shit out,
but it's still so NEW!

i've had three slices of pizza, if memory serves, in three weeks... i think it's been three weeks.

i'm not tired. i stay up too late and my schedule is all out of whack. but i got a really great night of rest saturday.
having a regular gig will be nice, methinks.

that boy,
well, he's doing his thing.
aaand - well, he's still searching, i suppose - aren't we all?
he wasn't ever looking really - it's funny that we have the same take on that romance-type aspect. i wasn't looking for anyone when i felt slapped by his introduction to my life.
he wasn't looking for anyone and was introduced to me and then another lovely someone... both of us now long distance away. i'm sure there are plenty of beautiful opportunities for him wherever he will venture to.
we had good times while we shared the same space.
i've never had a friend like him.
say what you will, i've heard some somethings from some of you, he's fabulous and i'm lucky to have him.

oh and besides,
i want to be sick talking about relationships these days.
they make the world go 'round, they make us happier than eight-five percent of the people on this planet, they make us all fucking miserable.
dammit.
so... tired of hearing either the good or the bad.
you don't get it unless you have it. you can only try to understand.
and i have plenty.
and i'm happy ... with or without the "better-half" that just wants to have fun or wants a million babies.
oh it's exhausting just thinking about it.
living it might be different.

and that's that. there ya go.
there is, of course, lots more...
but i'm not going to put it all here - that would take much too long.

life is beautiful.
i'm a success.

today's list:
the profile picture i missed
a comfortable bedroom
a good roommate
good friends a train ride away
plans
sneakers
clean laundry
yoga at home (and progress at that)
late night long distance phone calls
a pen
post cards
good friends around the world
stabbing emotional distress
introspection

and many more