"in a way, they were questioning my description of reality love as a journey without end. it may be an endless journey, they are telling me, but it is a journey that becomes more and more effortless as time goes on.
[...]
a state of mind and a way of being based on acceptance, a willingness to grow and change, the courage to encounter one's own fear, and a conscious decision to act in loving ways... built on an entirely different foundation from the infatuation of romantic love, but the feelings are just as joyful and intense.
[...]
eros, philia, agape,
[...]
love becomes automatic... but now it is based on the truth of the partner, not an illusion."
~
i told matt that i have had so many smiles today that i don't know what to do with myself.
he responded obscenely (as he's oft to do
) and made me laugh. (they just keep racking up)
but then i think about what we're doing to each other in the name of whatever-the-fuck-we're-doing and i just want to cry.
god we are disgusting creatures!
why do we do this to each other?!
what the FUCK!
GET OVER IT!
isn't centuries of hate enough already?
my tiny little life. so real.
but i really am having quite the balanced day.
being human is the coolest thing i can think of.
heh
~!~
i am so glad that my good-friends-type-people range from their teen-ages to the fifties.
it helps me keep perspective.
when i'm hanging out with heather or ashley i feel like i'm going through all that vergence of self-discovery and fascination with the world, just getting a taste of all the bitterness, just looking into how i may not want to go roaring into my twenties. and a million other things.
when i'm hanging out with the sgtexas crew or talking to elizabeth or mo or sarah i really enjoy all the feedback about what we go through on the daily and how we handle it and tastes of different methods for coping, for enriching the experience we're getting now. oh, a million other things.
when i'm with allison and melissa i think about my thirties and when i'll be feeling more like i'm getting a grip and breathing and yay and solidifying some standards and dealing with a million other things.
when i'm around edna and christine and dorothy my forties look so good, i anticipate approaching another major turning point and somehow things seem to shift dramatically; a million other things.
sam and monica and kathy remind me that even in my fifties i'll be the same girl i am now and can sit and have tea and talk about kids and business and all the things we ever talked about at any age and that it really doesn't matter so long as you keep in touch with the heart that keeps us beating... millions of other things.
i have so many amazing women in my life.
so many. i am so blessed!
now if i can just go everywhere and be everything and see everyone i'd be ...
really busy.
-----
okay, so there was a bunch of garbage in here about music and how the radio is being good to me today...
and then they started playing michael bolton and i had to get wicked on they' ass.
but check these out sometime:
blind faith
and traffic
(ittn, ottm)
nine-seventeen a.m. :
i am wearing the hugest grin
he's got the package.
BA HA HA!
~!
there was something funny here about me and phil collins but i deleted it.
~!~
i am stoked about new york today.
i don't have any worries. this is going on day four that i've had no worries that i can't rationalize away.
it's new to me and i don't really know where it's coming from. i'm not like feeling invincible or anything, just kindof... chillin'.
i have to focus on saving money now.
i really really have to.
of course i will continue to throw money into my therapy and my yoga and my bills, but i need to budget my entertainment and stuff.
i'll work on that spreadsheet at lunch today. i'm such a spreadsheet junkie.
ya know, i don't know what i'm going to do without a computer, though.
weird.
~!~
i have to say that it feels pretty good to slide my ass into jeans i've never been able to wear.
it's wednesday...
~YOGA!
remember:
the little green man says there is no try, only do.
aaand we do the best we can.
i'm almost done with that book, finally.
discovered my therapy is only a fifteen dollar copay and will last for thirty sessions (quick math in head says almost eight months)
this is going to be fun.
my hair feels silky smooth this morning.
i'm wearing my favorite pizza delivery tee shirt to work today and the sneakers with holes in them
my c.f.o. is thinking about holding a check back for all our employees in order to adjust the pay schedule.
currently we are being paid every thursday for the previous week.
when this place began, they were putting checks out on mondays for the prior week, but she held a check back to adjust it and payday moved to thursday.
the way i figure it, everything should be hunky dory already. the way i see it, if she holds a check back, we'll only be paid for fifty-one periods this year and there are fifty-two weeks. the way i see it, that's stealing money from us and it's going to royally fuck the people at our plant down south. those people make much less money than we do at 'headquarters' and even most of us have to live paycheck to paycheck. the way i see it she's just being a bitch.
the way i see it she needs to reconsider this little idea of hers.
she doesn't even process the fucking payroll so i don't understand why she has any concern. it certainly isn't a financial issue and if it has anything to do with cash flow we can just STOP BUILDING for a minute, jesus.
whatever. i could go on and on. i have to leave to go to that place now, so i'll be adjusting my attitude and driving in about ten minutes.
okay.
let's think something cheery and positive!
...
...
...
remember that salad i made on monday?
today i am scheduled to try to eat the last of it! it may last me 'til tomorrow, too, actually. this macro thing is interesting for sure. i'm so full so easy.
i just keep shrinking down the little tummy in there.
mmmmm
and i think i'll have earl grey when i get into the office.
it takes me an entire shift to drink one mug of tea anymore. isn't that strange?
i think it is. i made "afternoon tea" yesterday and stood there at four-thirty trying to guzzle it because the cup was still half full.
mmm, and i have a pear in the frige.
food always cheers me up unless it's nasty.
coworker girlfriend came into my office yesterday and offered me a chip to taste. i took a crumb off a corner and frowned at her. it had some powder on it that was supposed to taste like jalepeno... it tasted like cardboard to me. then at her house later, she pulled the same damn thing, wanting me to taste this light caesar dressing - which tasted like sweetened cardboard... i was spitting into the sink. bleh
thinking about that reminds me that the woman who's been working with us for the longest intends to quit within two months. she's gonna take as much vacation as they'll allow and then put in her notice.
i'm a little nervous. i go to her for advice sometimes about procedure and parts and bills of material and cost of goods sold and stuff.
she also does the bossman's personal books. it's just going to be weird.
WHOA WHOA WHOA,
we were thinking POSITIVE, here...
back to it!
uuuuuhhhhm.
YOGA TONIGHT!
ttfn
new book begins tonight on "anger"
this will be interesting.
i KNOW it's something i have a problem with... i am HORRIBLE about expressing my anger - almost like i'm afraid of it.
beware the fury of a patient man, and i certainly am wary of my ire... but i'm not yet particularly patient,
so i'm gonna learn some stuff.
and then maybe i can get mad productively!
woohoo!
[...]
a state of mind and a way of being based on acceptance, a willingness to grow and change, the courage to encounter one's own fear, and a conscious decision to act in loving ways... built on an entirely different foundation from the infatuation of romantic love, but the feelings are just as joyful and intense.
[...]
eros, philia, agape,
[...]
love becomes automatic... but now it is based on the truth of the partner, not an illusion."
~
i told matt that i have had so many smiles today that i don't know what to do with myself.
he responded obscenely (as he's oft to do
) and made me laugh. (they just keep racking up)
but then i think about what we're doing to each other in the name of whatever-the-fuck-we're-doing and i just want to cry.
god we are disgusting creatures!
why do we do this to each other?!
what the FUCK!
GET OVER IT!
isn't centuries of hate enough already?
my tiny little life. so real.
but i really am having quite the balanced day.
being human is the coolest thing i can think of.
heh
~!~
i am so glad that my good-friends-type-people range from their teen-ages to the fifties.
it helps me keep perspective.
when i'm hanging out with heather or ashley i feel like i'm going through all that vergence of self-discovery and fascination with the world, just getting a taste of all the bitterness, just looking into how i may not want to go roaring into my twenties. and a million other things.
when i'm hanging out with the sgtexas crew or talking to elizabeth or mo or sarah i really enjoy all the feedback about what we go through on the daily and how we handle it and tastes of different methods for coping, for enriching the experience we're getting now. oh, a million other things.
when i'm with allison and melissa i think about my thirties and when i'll be feeling more like i'm getting a grip and breathing and yay and solidifying some standards and dealing with a million other things.
when i'm around edna and christine and dorothy my forties look so good, i anticipate approaching another major turning point and somehow things seem to shift dramatically; a million other things.
sam and monica and kathy remind me that even in my fifties i'll be the same girl i am now and can sit and have tea and talk about kids and business and all the things we ever talked about at any age and that it really doesn't matter so long as you keep in touch with the heart that keeps us beating... millions of other things.
i have so many amazing women in my life.
so many. i am so blessed!
now if i can just go everywhere and be everything and see everyone i'd be ...
really busy.
-----
okay, so there was a bunch of garbage in here about music and how the radio is being good to me today...
and then they started playing michael bolton and i had to get wicked on they' ass.
but check these out sometime:
blind faith
and traffic
(ittn, ottm)
nine-seventeen a.m. :
i am wearing the hugest grin
he's got the package.
BA HA HA!
~!
there was something funny here about me and phil collins but i deleted it.
~!~
i am stoked about new york today.
i don't have any worries. this is going on day four that i've had no worries that i can't rationalize away.
it's new to me and i don't really know where it's coming from. i'm not like feeling invincible or anything, just kindof... chillin'.
i have to focus on saving money now.
i really really have to.
of course i will continue to throw money into my therapy and my yoga and my bills, but i need to budget my entertainment and stuff.
i'll work on that spreadsheet at lunch today. i'm such a spreadsheet junkie.
ya know, i don't know what i'm going to do without a computer, though.
weird.
~!~
i have to say that it feels pretty good to slide my ass into jeans i've never been able to wear.
it's wednesday...
~YOGA!
remember:
the little green man says there is no try, only do.
aaand we do the best we can.
i'm almost done with that book, finally.
discovered my therapy is only a fifteen dollar copay and will last for thirty sessions (quick math in head says almost eight months)
this is going to be fun.
my hair feels silky smooth this morning.
i'm wearing my favorite pizza delivery tee shirt to work today and the sneakers with holes in them
my c.f.o. is thinking about holding a check back for all our employees in order to adjust the pay schedule.
currently we are being paid every thursday for the previous week.
when this place began, they were putting checks out on mondays for the prior week, but she held a check back to adjust it and payday moved to thursday.
the way i figure it, everything should be hunky dory already. the way i see it, if she holds a check back, we'll only be paid for fifty-one periods this year and there are fifty-two weeks. the way i see it, that's stealing money from us and it's going to royally fuck the people at our plant down south. those people make much less money than we do at 'headquarters' and even most of us have to live paycheck to paycheck. the way i see it she's just being a bitch.
the way i see it she needs to reconsider this little idea of hers.
she doesn't even process the fucking payroll so i don't understand why she has any concern. it certainly isn't a financial issue and if it has anything to do with cash flow we can just STOP BUILDING for a minute, jesus.
whatever. i could go on and on. i have to leave to go to that place now, so i'll be adjusting my attitude and driving in about ten minutes.
okay.
let's think something cheery and positive!
...
...
...
remember that salad i made on monday?
today i am scheduled to try to eat the last of it! it may last me 'til tomorrow, too, actually. this macro thing is interesting for sure. i'm so full so easy.
i just keep shrinking down the little tummy in there.
mmmmm
and i think i'll have earl grey when i get into the office.
it takes me an entire shift to drink one mug of tea anymore. isn't that strange?
i think it is. i made "afternoon tea" yesterday and stood there at four-thirty trying to guzzle it because the cup was still half full.
mmm, and i have a pear in the frige.
food always cheers me up unless it's nasty.
coworker girlfriend came into my office yesterday and offered me a chip to taste. i took a crumb off a corner and frowned at her. it had some powder on it that was supposed to taste like jalepeno... it tasted like cardboard to me. then at her house later, she pulled the same damn thing, wanting me to taste this light caesar dressing - which tasted like sweetened cardboard... i was spitting into the sink. bleh
thinking about that reminds me that the woman who's been working with us for the longest intends to quit within two months. she's gonna take as much vacation as they'll allow and then put in her notice.
i'm a little nervous. i go to her for advice sometimes about procedure and parts and bills of material and cost of goods sold and stuff.
she also does the bossman's personal books. it's just going to be weird.
WHOA WHOA WHOA,
we were thinking POSITIVE, here...
back to it!
uuuuuhhhhm.
YOGA TONIGHT!
ttfn
new book begins tonight on "anger"
this will be interesting.
i KNOW it's something i have a problem with... i am HORRIBLE about expressing my anger - almost like i'm afraid of it.
beware the fury of a patient man, and i certainly am wary of my ire... but i'm not yet particularly patient,
so i'm gonna learn some stuff.
and then maybe i can get mad productively!
woohoo!
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
vim:
remember to hold those suckers in during downward dog yo.
cupofkarma:
ok but we have another "family meeting" to attend. let's see what my folks pull out if their this time. 