citrus

of course i can't stay away.

i NEED this vent.
(it's not a habit, it's cool, i feel alive)

but ... all this shit going on inside is too much too much to express, really.
it's simple and complicated.
which is funny ... in it's own way. things change SO QUICKLY!
i'm sure you understand but holy shit.

i splurged and ate pizza with my parents last night. i went to bed with a book early but it's almost finish and i'll have to buy more by the author - it moves quickly and speaks the way i think sometimes.
i like that.
but i just bought ANOTHER book.
i keep saying that i'll spend more time doing it and maybe i really will this time, reading...

i felt like a fool for spilling myself (more like HEAVING) onto someone i really care about.
i thought about it and i feel like i've been rushing for the last few days because i'm overwhelmed.
a bit of anxiety, off balance.

but i went and spent some time with the Capital Me and i feel better, though i seem to have a cold coming on.

the sunrise seems different after watching it set the night before.
it was curious this morning, so changed from yesterday, but still the glowing, gaseous ball of fire that it is.
i squinted a little.
but last night i stood up tall while my skirt and hair were whipped in one direction, i held my head up in the wind.

so, tonight, thanks to a wonderful boy in california, i am going to see the spotless sunshine movie with me and myself.

i'm wearing one of my favorite skirts today. and a pair of silly shoes - they have flowers on top of them, make me feel a little hawaiian, though i doubt hawaiians would wear such things.
i french braided my hair - which is amusing because i cannot braid my hair regularly and i cannot french braid anyone else's hair.
i mean, i'll practice more, but my girlfriend had to help me with my braids on sunday - i wore them on each side of my head, under my hat.

oh but speaking of hawaii, if i can get eight hundred dollars together real quick-like, i can get tickets to go see that gorgeous, gorgeous, amazing woman in my people pictures

trivial bullshit.
but i feel better already.

better and better and better.
i know it's coming.
did i ever tell you that patience isn't a virtue i've often possessed.

but practice makes better

but i'm a little uncomfortable.
i have to pretend no one is watching...

dance dance dance
one step at a time

~_~_~_~_~

also learned that while i was away my kickboxing instructor jaunted off to australia to marry her man.
she may not be back.

ashtanga here i come


~-~-~-~

"life was, after all, like air [...] there seemed to be no way of keeping it out, or at a distance, and all he could do for the moment was live it and breathe it [...] this was air you could almost chew. ... it seemed that whether you felt something, or whether you felt nothing, it didn't matter: your responses were off either way. [...] there would always be one more last straw... they were the undead... the journey had become the point of the trip. [...] it wasn't too bad, really; he wouldn't even mind being human on a full-time basis."

good stuff

'fucking hell' is right
but, i mean, heaven, too.

attitude, attitude, attitude.

and f.y.i. all this journaling nonsense i do is typically talking to myself.
it really does help me.
sometimes i wish that the journaling option could be kept private/anonymous and we could still function all over the place on the site.
bleh.
and yeah, i could be doing this in my little word program on the computer or whatever but this is just more comprehensive.
it's very funny, really.
i should point and laugh at myself.
that would make me feel EVEN BETTER!
ha ha ha






this one kills me:
and yes, i know, i took it from two different places... bear with me, woman.

"this thing about looking for someone less different ... it only really worked, he realized, if you were convinced that being you wasn't so bad in the first place"
and
"Can anybody fly this thing? [...]
Can anybody stop this thing? [...]
Before my head explodes
Or my head starts to ring
We've been living life inside a bubble
We've been living life inside a bubble
Confidence in you
Is confidence in me
Is confidence in high speed"

ba ha ha!




1:30 p.m.

just read my horoscope for the day.
THANK GOODNESS FOR LAUGHTER!

Mountains which lie ahead in the distance often seem tiny. Mountains that we have already climbed and moved on from also tend to diminish in size as time goes by. Mountains that loom directly before us though, look terrifyingly huge. They don't get any smaller while we are ascending them. If the view from below is daunting, the view from half way up is almost overwhelmingly terrifying. You are now rising to a great height at a scary speed. But you are safe and you will successfully reach the top.