So I really suck at blogging, clearly. Its like I have so much to say but at the same time... dont.
I hate feeling like I'm complaining and I hate feeling like im bragging.. I also dont want to bore anyone.
These past few months my anxiety has gotten the best of me.. but the nicer weather is coming back and so am I.
I finally got a job at a Walgreens close to me and I work in the "Cosmetics and beauty department" there (: which is pretty cool.. i know a fairly good amount about drugstore make-up and all the bath needs.. thank god for experiences that i've just had to learn what works best the hard way and now can share my trials and errors with other people and help them avoid the same problems!
I really enjoy it though :) i mean, okay.. working full time in retail, in a drug store, isnt my favorite thing to do.. but it helps pay the bills and what can i say... im realllly good at talking to people so it's pretty simple.. just tiring. I missed working, and im so happy to be back in the game, but GODDDD did i not miss how fucking stupid some people are... the stupidness and the ignorance and so many people with tunnel vision. like OPEN UP YOUR DAMN HEARTS, MINDS AND EYES. REALIZE THAT THE WORLD EXISTS OF MORE DIVERSITY THEN YOUR LITTLE BRAIN CAN HANDLE AND DEAL WITH IT. It's so frustrating and so much easier to blow it all off when i dont have to talk to jerk offs every day, but its nothing i can control and i know that so hakuna matata <3
;P
mini rant done.
So anyways i've been working and been keeping busy with that really, oh and sleep (never enough sleep)... My days off consist of catching up on everything ive been avoiding during the work week (laundry, cleaning, errands, doctors appointments, ect.) AND BLOGGING SHOULD BE ONE OF THEM BUT I SUCK.
So here's me, trying (: The blog of the week for us ladies is "tell us about your first tattoo"
but I want to start with last weeks and move on from there...
**How has SG changed your life?-
People constantly ask me if I'm happy with the choices I've made, becoming a SuicideGirl being a big question always.
I became a SuicideGirl June 28th, 2013. I was standing in my kitchen making tea when @arsenic_ called me and told me the news. I started screaming and crying and running around my house after I'm pretty sure I said over and over again "Are you fucking serious".. or something along the lines of that. She gave me the best news ever. I felt like I had just hit the Jackpot... because well, I did. Starting with Arsenic, I wouldn't have became friends with her if it wasnt for SG. Friends isnt even a good enough term for her and her husband @matthewomen. They are my family. The love that I have with them is out of this world and I know they feel the same. They've housed me, they've fed me, they've dealt with my sleep talking and blanket stealing, they've held me when I've cried and most importantly made me feel loved, cared about, special and important. They treated me better then some people I've known my whole life. The vibes they give off and the way we all clicked so well right away told me I was in a good place. It felt like we grew up together and have known each other forever. I constantly say a piece of my heart is in Florida because fuck.. it really is. I feel a certain emptiness when they aren't right there to cry on and make fun of ;p Star and Matthew are a huge piece of what changed my life.. they will always be in my life and I couldn't be any happier about it.. I also couldn't thank anything else besides joining this amazing community for bringing us together.
That stands for everybody I've met in this community. Over the summer I became super close with @Kush and had the pleasure of getting to live in Miami, Florida with her. A year ago I would have never imaged that at 19 years old would be staying in Miami with a mega babe who had become the ebony to my ivory <3 We traveled to Portugal together for an experience and Vacation I will never forget. Explored Miami and got topless on the beaches with @payton in front of tons of people, including cops (which none of that should sound like a big deal but for us being topless on a beach is a HUGE nono around here) I had some of the best times with Kush and her friends in Miami and I wouldn't take it back for the world. I left a piece of my heart there too.
I got to spend last night with two more amazing girls I met in this community, @lavish_ & @lua.. I've had the honor of getting close with both these cutie pies and ONE AGAIN IF IT WASNT FOR SG IT NEVER WOULD HAVE HAPPENED.
I've met sooo many amazing girls that I cant even begin to start listing right now. I know at the end of the day every single one of you would be there for me and that makes me feel reallly good,safe and loved. I hope I make other people feel the same way.
Right before I became an SG my life was kind of falling to shit again. I had a bunch of shit going on in my life, I had just lost my job and was dealing with an addiction. I dont know what happend the day Star called me but it's like my eyes opened up again. The last year of my life has been an insane roller coaster and I cant complain one bit. SuicideGirls has changed my life soooo much by bringing the best people possible into it, giving me reasons and an excuse to travel all over the country and world. The fans and followers, the support team, i've also made in this process is literally what keeps me going. The days I feel like shit I can always rely on you guys to make me smile. The heart warming messages and comments, some of you are so fucking hilarious too. Always keeping me smiling and laughing <3 I've always struggled with body issues and self issues... and you allll make me feel good. They parts of me I hated the most I've now become more comfortable with because of the praise it got. Its true.. when people tell you something enough you start to believe it.. good and bad things. I want to inspire people and make people realize how much they are worth.. Ive realized that I do inspire girls and I do help some people and that makes me strive to be an even better person. It's also such a beautiful and irreplaceable feeling.
SG has made me realize I'm worth it, and that there are other people out there like me who just want to be free and express themselves. Its taken me places I never thought Id go with people i've looked up too and never thought I would meet. God this community has made me so happy I cant evennnnn handle it.
Next blog; Tell Us about your First Tattoo-
I hate my first tattoo. My first tattoo is this stupid black thing on my side. Its supposed to be the state of New Jersey, but instead its a blob, and oh I know this. I'm very aware and I fucking hate it but cant do anything about it. I have one person who I trust enough that I think can cover it and do something but until then it is a hugeeee issue that makes me extremely self conscious and uncomfortable. I just want it gone. It was a cover up of a smaller NJ.. which at the time was just a shitty outline with some shitty shading that was fucking upside down and backwords.. yeah. I should have known then to turn back, but instead I went to the same shitty dude at the same shitty house tattoo party to get it "covered"
I was a fucking idiot and am now swimmming in the consequences.
fuck my first tattoo.
SO I HOPE EVERYONE HAS A LOVELY WEEK AND HOPED EVERYONE ENJOYED MY BLABBERING <3 (:
xxox
Circa <3
