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Well I have been putting in applications everywhere that I can think of, as you all know, now I am just crossing my fingers and hoping. I am going insane without work.

When I was in high school I participated as a member of the speech team, it seems I never throw anything away. I found a speech I did once for a competition that contained this poem, somehow no matter how happy I am in life this poem always breaks my heart.

To Santa Claus and Little Sisters

Once,
On yellow paper, with green lines, he wrote a poem,
And called it "Chops",
Because that was the name of his dog,
And thats what it was all about.
And the teacher gave him an "A"
And a gold star,
And his mother hung it on the kitchen door,
And read it to all his aunts.
That was the year his sister was born,
With tiny toenails and no hair,
And Father Tracy took them to the zoo
And let them sing on the bus.
And his mother and father kissed a lot
And the girl around the corner sent him a Christmas card
Signed with a row of x's.
And his father always tucked him in at night,
And he was always there to do it.

Once,
On white paper, with blue lines, he wrote another poem.
And he called it "Autumn"
Because that was the name of a season,
And thats what it was all about.
And the teacher gave him an "A"
And told him to write more clearly.
And his mother didnt hang it on the kitchen door
Because the door
Had just been painted.
That was the year his sister got glasses,
With black frames and thick lenses.
And the kids told him why father and mother
Kissed a lot,
And that Father Tracy smoked cigars
And left butts on the pews,
And the girl around the block laughed
When he went to see Santa Claus at Macys.
And his father stopped tucking him in bed at night,
And got mad when he cried for him to.

Once,
On paper torn from his notebook, he wrote another poem,
And he called it "Question Marked Innocence",
Because that was the name of his grief
And thats what it was all about.
And the professor gave him an "A"
And a strange and steady look.
And his mother never hung it on the door
Because he never let her see it.
That year he found his sister necking on the back porch
And his parents never kissed, or even smiled.
And he forgot how the end of the "Apostles Creed" went,
And Father Tracy died.
And the girl around the block wore too much make-up
That made him cough when he kissed her,
But he kissed her anyway.

Once,
At 3 a.m., he tucked himself in bed,
His father snoring soundly.
He tried another poem, on the back of a pack of matches,
And he called it "absolutely nothing"
Because thats what it was all about.
And he gave himself an "A"
And a slash on each damp wrist,
And hung it on the bathroom door,
Because he couldnt reach the kitchen.

Anonymous (written by a 15-year-old boy
two years before he committed suicide)

I have gone through my bouts of depression, I just always want to cry that some people can never get past them. Some people never have the support or help to come back from it. The one thing in my life I fully believe with all of my heart is that smiling at a stranger could save a strangers life. People just dont seem to really appreciate one another anymore.

Ive decided that I need to start working out again, I need to tighten up my thighs, no I am not saying I am fat or out of shape, there are just a few things about myself that I would really like to work on. I need to be a tad bit more on the healthy side.

Next week I will be going in to start the top of my left sleeve, Harley Quinn and The Joker, I cant wait, I have been itching for a new tattoo for a while now. Plus once I get a start on the sleeve I might not be able to stop which means shortly after that I will be getting Poison Ivy and The Riddler!!!!!!! YAY tattoos.

This will become a permanent part of my blog for a while. I really feel that this event can raise a lot of money for The Coalition Against Domestic Violence, and it will be a great way for the members of the Midwest to get together and have a blast. Site mail me if you are planning on getting presale tickets or if you already have with your real name or the name the tickets are under so I can get a list of members that will be attending.
So far the ticket sales for Suicide Pink Saturday Spring Fling are going well, if you plan to attend I strongly suggest having a presale ticket. I hope to see as many people there as possible.

Pre Sale Tickets, drink specials only available with Pre Sale

This is the kind of fun we had at the last one!!!!! Can you imagine how much fun it will be formal style?! God damn I cant wait to see these ladies again!!!








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