Hey all,
Long time, no blog.. This past Covid year-and-a-half (or what I call "modern dark age") has been a real shitstorm for me. Lots of big changes: my girlfriend and I have been incredibly rocky, especially after moving in together; my Mom, whom I'm incredibly close with, moved to Arizona; a close and very long-term friendship ended, which forced me to move in a very short amount of time early last year; my job has been unstable and I worry daily that my position will be no longer needed; the relationship with my Father has been strained because he's so "red" that I can't spend 5 minutes with him before he starts ranting about politics, Trump, and the litany of conspiracy theories spewed by that madman, along with a plethora of other things - too many to mention here.
I've always had a huge passion for craft beer but during the "modern dark age", I found myself drinking way more than a "healthy" amount. Often times 4-6 per day. I was drunk most every day of 2020, finding some comfort in numbing all the shit that was plaguing me, along with being flat-out tired of feeling so stressed with everything life was throwing my way. I started to become a different person while drunk. No longer lovey and cuddly, but bitter, selfish, and overall unpleasant (read: asshole). My GF had also upped her drinking quite a bit in an attempt to "keep up" with me, which eventually turned out to be catastrophic. A couple weeks ago, she and I were in Annapolis for a family wedding and, without going into details here, an "incident" occurred that shook me to the core (nothing abusive/DV or hurtful from me, mind you - I'm not that kind of person). I honestly haven't been right since then and we both agreed that "drying out" would be the right choice going forward. I've spent the time since then right by her side, not leaving the house, and not having a single drop or beer (or any alcohol, for that matter).
Yesterday, I decided to get out of the house for a bit and stopped by the local bottle shop where I used to frequent almost daily. The owner was there and greeted me with a big "Hey Chuck! How and where the hell have you been?!" (I must admit, it was nice to be missed by someone and greeted with such exuberance.) We got to chatting and I told him that my GF and I decided it was time to dry out a bit, which he understood and was totally ok with. After a bit of chatting, I decided I wanted to see where I was with everything and ordered just one pint to sip on while I conversed with the owner and some of the regulars. (local DDH IPA) It was glorious! The flavors I had previously rushed through (in my quest for a big buzz) came out to greet me like a long lost friend. I reveled in the profile of malts and hops, relishing in the moment with every little sip. I had successfully reset my body, mind, and emotional weaknesses. The old, light tolerance was back, but this time I was perfectly fine with just taking sips and nursed it over 45 minutes. I am back to enjoying craft beer the way it should be: slowly and with reverence. And yes, I only had one. When it was finished, I set the glass on the bar-end of the counter and paid my bill, then left. This might not seem like a big deal to anyone else, but for me this is a MAJOR win. I don't feel any desire to go full-tilt and gulp it down for the after-effects, which is what I had been doing for so long prior. The "incident" that took place a couple weeks back really punched me back to reality and, like a snap of the fingers, poof. I'm good. I know not everyone can do that - and a lot of them become full, raging alcoholics after the kind of behavior I showed over the past "modern dark age". I guess that's part of the reason why I feel so accomplished. It took a life-shaking event, but ultimately, that's what worked for me and I'm insanely proud of myself for getting to this point, especially in such a short amount of time.
Sadly, my girlfriend didn't share in my enthusiasm last night when I returned home and I've really been struggling with it since. I think she's afraid that I'm going back to the "modern dark age" time again, but sadly, I didn't even get a chance to explain this epiphany to her before being shut down. While I understand her concern in this, I really wanted to share this feeling I have inside and to bask in the sense of personal accomplishment. Even though a large number of things in life are still a complete mess, I know that I'm done with being drunk every day. Hell, I really don't want to be *that* drunk ever again. The "event" made me realize that being drunk isn't the answer - it just makes more problems. I have other ways of coping and it's time I get one of my great passions back to where it started: a positive, little slice of heaven, not an escape from the perils of day-to-day life.
I just needed to get this out and share it with someone... *anyone* that would maybe appreciate it.
Thanks for reading. I appreciate all of you.
