chrysea

I hate myself today. It's only 8:30 am and I fucked something up badly. This is shaping out to be the worst birthday ever.

I just have so many trust issues that it's hard. I got scared, and I got paranoid and I read something I shouldn't have, but I had to confess. I want to have an honest relationship with someone for once in my life. I am sick of lying to people all of the time.

Because of that, though, I am afraid I am going to lose the closest friend I have now. I think I fucked up enough to lose the 1 person who came into my life when I needed someone, when my best friend betrayed me and I lost her, too.

And it's funny, at the time I read what I read I thought the worse, but now my heart keeps trying to tell me that I overreacted, got scared, and made a big mistake.

So, I get to be miserable all day. I get to pretend to be happy, jolly, and all around excited today when I just want to cease to be.

I don't think I am cut out for relationships...There's too much drama envolved....

To be honest, I think the numb dead inside feeling is starting to return.....

Until later,
~C~