chrysea

Emotionally, I am in a better place today. I tried taking it day by day, but with my mom's advice, realized I have to take it every 5 minutes by every 5 minutes. And, this 5 minutes I am feeling peaceful.

(so everyone isn't confused...John had a female friend he almost dated, but she moved to Las Vegas. Well, she decided to move back, and though she knew he had a girlfriend decided to hit on him and try to carry on this flirty 'if you didn't have a girlfriend we could be together' relationship with him. He being a complete asshole, and had feelings for her before she left decided to keep the flattery even though I told him how uncomfortable the situation made me. He swore to me he wouldn't do anything while we were together, she called me and told me she would never do anything to hurt me, but he cheated on me with her anyway, then shortly after broke up with me.)

I refuse to let this rule my life. I am better than that. I deserve much much better than I was treated. Just because 2 other individuals want to lowered themselves to being so heartless, and selfish, doesn't make me less deserving of being happy, and honestly, much of the relationship with John, I wasn't happy. However, at first I was acting overly emotional and a little psycho ex-girlfriendy, and I still hold a grudge over the situation, and I still might be slightly petty. At least I am not posting their names/links to the myspaces and asking everyone to leave them hateful harassing comments and such. I am better than him and I am much better than her. But other than that I am not going to resort to unleashing all of my dirty laundry, but I will unleash a little bit....If it were partly because he didn't think I was very good in bed, that he cheated on me, that was his own damn fault because it isn't that I am bad in bed, it is the fact that he really didn't pleasure me very well so I never got very turned on and often times got very discouraged during sex because I wasn't enjoying it very much. There I am glad to get that out.

Anyway, so on to my little road to recovery. Aside from taking things minute by minute. I have signed up to do volunteer work for the nature center. I am hoping to take classes to learn to take care of certain animals so in case they need assistance I can care for hurt or abandoned animals until they can be released into the wild. Which I really look forward to doing. I think this volunteer work will suit me well.

Also, I am still really hopeful for this job at the AMC corporate office. I believe my aunt is turning in my resume this week. If not with there, the City of Independence has a position open that I am qualified for, too. Though I would much rather get the AMC job. It will be nice making much more money and getting away from the drama of working at the bank. Also, if I get the AMC job, I am thinking about getting a loft downtown. I would be within walking distance from work then, and I might have to be moving within a few months anyway because my grandpa is probably going to sell the duplex since he has been sick and such.

Next on my list, I asked my mom for Christmas, if she would get me roundtrip tickets somewhere so I could leave KC. She agreed, so I have decided to fly to Jacksonville, Florida to visit Trevor, Patrick, Nic and possibly Jeremy. Maybe get a little rebound lovin' from the ex...hahaha...I am really just going to relax, hang out, and just relieve some stress for a week. If Trev and I have sex or not I'm not worried...Heh he and I always did have DAMN good sex, though...DAMN GOOD sex.

So, I have things to look forward to. Good things...Things to make my life better. I shouldn't look back on the bad things. I should just try to make my life better because I deserve better.

Anyway, I think I am going to head to bed here shortly. I know it is early, but ya know it is nice not having to be ridiculed for wanting to go to bed early on occasion. That and the sleeping pills I have been taking lately tell me that it is time to snooze.

So, Say goodnight Gracie...Goodnight Gracie!!

~C~