...I have been blissfully happy. I reconnected with an old friend and things just clicked. Clicked just right. We fell for each other fast and hard. And for the first time in a very long time, I took the armor off my heart. And it was wonderful.
Tonight we put things on indefinite hold. Her partner of many years isn't as poly as they thought he was, and as a result she isn't as free as she thought she was. We came together tonight to talk things over and - really - to end it, but either of us could bear to use that word. And so we are on indefinite hiatus. I am here if she becomes free. And meanwhile, I need to figure out how to re-armor my heart. I am raw and unused to living this way.
I hurt. It is no fun.
chef:
Sometimes i get through the rush, the high, and just know the crash is coming. It makes me wonder if the high is worth it. I'm sorry about your friend. And I'm sorry her poly partner had to bail out the minute things got real.
chrstphrgould:
Thanks, @chefbeth. She and I are working on being "just friends" publicly. In truth, we both still have a lot of very strong feelings, but we are working within a set of rules. I have decided, for now, that not being with her is the price I am willing to pay for her being in my life. It's mostly working. I've also decided not to re-armor my heart. It's weird, having feelings again. I cry at random times, which kinda sucks, but also kinda not.