My new Profile pic is a metaphor for my current state in life.
Mentally and physically I feel whipped, beaten down, disoriented. I know I have a goal, I know i have to fight, but currently I don't even know which way I have to be facing.
I don't fancy myself a boxer, and I don't even like boxing. But i do beleive I'm a fighter of some sort. Not a great one, but I'm constantly figting against something or another.
Fighting the Urge to take an easier path
Fighting the urge to follow my gut instead of my own logic (logic which, currently, leads to the harder path, but is regretfully correct)
Fighting my depression (which is starting to break it's own rules. It's not winter anymore! It should not be here!)
Fighting against this steady stream of Shit Luck that has kept me from being artistically productive.
A good friend of mine said that you just have ot tackle one problem at a time. So while tons of problems are chewing and gnawing on my flesh and bones, I can only grab one at a time and fight it off.
Well, first problem is, I think, killed and no longer gnashing it's teeth at me. I'm back on the internet, and I have a comptuer that WORKS.
7 months of what wound up being a faulty ehternet plug, one motherboard failure, (and a new computer, and a new re-installing of programs and setting up of OS), then a harddrive crash (my old harddrive with all my stuff on it) and another bout of re-installing, re-downloading drivers and software.....
I'm back on the motherfucking internet. No longer do I have to check email at work. And soon, I'll have this beastly site re-designed to look like I can actually design a decent website. Progress on that might be slowed, the fact that i still have little demons biting me (1) a job that takes up 50+ hours of my week; (2) living in less-than-creativly-stimulating environment; (3) having a mind that works against me at every turn (possibly seeking a therapist for that)
I will keep fighting. I refuse to be one of those Sad old Fuckers who grow old working some job that isn't what they dreamed about as kids. One of those people who keeps going on about what they will eventually do, but never, ever do it.
Gotta get back up and fight.
Mentally and physically I feel whipped, beaten down, disoriented. I know I have a goal, I know i have to fight, but currently I don't even know which way I have to be facing.
I don't fancy myself a boxer, and I don't even like boxing. But i do beleive I'm a fighter of some sort. Not a great one, but I'm constantly figting against something or another.
Fighting the Urge to take an easier path
Fighting the urge to follow my gut instead of my own logic (logic which, currently, leads to the harder path, but is regretfully correct)
Fighting my depression (which is starting to break it's own rules. It's not winter anymore! It should not be here!)
Fighting against this steady stream of Shit Luck that has kept me from being artistically productive.
A good friend of mine said that you just have ot tackle one problem at a time. So while tons of problems are chewing and gnawing on my flesh and bones, I can only grab one at a time and fight it off.
Well, first problem is, I think, killed and no longer gnashing it's teeth at me. I'm back on the internet, and I have a comptuer that WORKS.
7 months of what wound up being a faulty ehternet plug, one motherboard failure, (and a new computer, and a new re-installing of programs and setting up of OS), then a harddrive crash (my old harddrive with all my stuff on it) and another bout of re-installing, re-downloading drivers and software.....
I'm back on the motherfucking internet. No longer do I have to check email at work. And soon, I'll have this beastly site re-designed to look like I can actually design a decent website. Progress on that might be slowed, the fact that i still have little demons biting me (1) a job that takes up 50+ hours of my week; (2) living in less-than-creativly-stimulating environment; (3) having a mind that works against me at every turn (possibly seeking a therapist for that)
I will keep fighting. I refuse to be one of those Sad old Fuckers who grow old working some job that isn't what they dreamed about as kids. One of those people who keeps going on about what they will eventually do, but never, ever do it.
Gotta get back up and fight.
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
you just described an
evil Klondike Bar