It's amazing how you can go for years thinking you're making a lot of progress, only to learn that you've kinda been on a treadmill.
I've recently been going through my life, my space, my home, and sorting through and re-assessing it. I did this years ago before my big move. I don't know if I'm ramping up for another such move, I have no plans to do this. It's just similar to the time about 7 years ago that I reduced the size of my overall mass (the things I've accumulated in my life). I don't feel as if I've really added to that (i.e. books, movies, collectibles, etc.) but it's been 7 years... of course things are going to accumulate.
There's even things that I SHOULD have thrown out 7 years ago. Stuff that was hastily thrown into boxes before the big-move, and honestly I haven't even touched SINCE the big move.
Why did it take so long? Well the place I moved to, I moved into a house that I wasn't able to really 'live' in. I had my room... and one little corner outside the room for a large bookcase... but I had no space to spread out so the majority of my stuff stayed in boxes. It stayed in boxes for the 2.5 years I lived with this roommate, and when I moved out of there, it stayed in boxes still, since I didn't realize just how depressed and isolated I had been feeling.
I sometimes wonder if the "Big Move" was a good idea. The first year living with this roommate was fun, but things started to get weird, but I didn't notice the change at first. As time went on I began to feel that I was the problem, I was the cause of any weirdness in the house. But it never felt 'true'. It was like I was wrong and that was just the way things were. If something was amiss I had to change.
As far as friends are concerned, I never knew who I could talk with... I tried talking with a few people about things that were bothering me about the situation, and they said I was just imagining things or that it was "no big deal." Even after I moved out, it took me a long time to get over the feelings of isolation, knowing who to trust (I'm still working on this one, holy shit). I've been in a 'hermit' mode for a long time, mostly as a protective measure. I can't be hurt if I don't go out and stir any pots among people I'm not sure were even my friends to begin with...
Anyway. Where I was going with this? Oh yeah, over the last 7 years there's been a lot on my mind, and I've basically left a lot of my life packed away in boxes. It's time to go through it ALL, and really reckon with it. What needs to stay, what needs to go. It's less about "reducing my mass" or streamlining... I mean YES it will be nice to have fewer things to worry about and to pack up and lug with me if I do have to move, but it's also reckoning with my past. Things that show me who I thought I was years ago, stuff I meant to do (Should I still do those things? Should I cast those things aside?). It's been good to unpack the personal side of things.
It's also sort of meditative. There's less time to get anxious or worry about things going on in my life now, when you've got Box 12 out of ?? to unpack & sort through.
And it has FELT nicer. looking at my shelves and my space, while still somewhat chaotic, it's more of a known quantity. More things going into a proper place instead of just crammed in a box and tucked away to be ignored and forgotten.
Maybe I'll come to larger realizations later, but for now, I'm doing the work of slowly unpacking things and picking through the pieces.