chrisnail_and_i

Okay, it's been a very long time since I have posted anything here but whatever... here I am.

I joined this site six years ago (this month) after seeing an HBO special on SG. Like so many others have said through the years since: I joined for the boobies and stayed for the friends. I had split from my then wife of 12+ years a few months previously, whom I share 2 beautiful children with. It was a painful period (of course), and the friends that I was making here helped distract me and get me past the intense hurt. I was very active on the site, and helped organize a number of local gatherings, which were a real blast!

By the summer of '04 I had fallen in love again. Since then, I have spent little to no time on the site, and in turn have lost touch with friends that I made here. Being a single father of 2, and in a relationship, did not allow me the spare time to devote to this site.

I have in fact been in and out of a few relationships since then but all very close together. The crazy thing is, I got married again!! We had met in April of '06, married the summer of '08... and separated March of this year (so, the marriage lasted just over 6 months!!!). Since then, it has been a long drawn out affair of getting back together, splitting, getting back together, splitting, getting back together, splitting... and I only have myself to blame for that. It was she who left in the first place but it was always her who came back, and me who always took her back. She needs to figure her shit out, and my allowing us to re-engage is not helping either of us.

Anyhow, here I sit, 6 years after joining, and it feels like deja vu. I am in a world of pain, and really lonely... but I know this will pass, the pain part anyway. It's funny. my mother flew out to spend Christmas with me in '03 (having never done so since I moved away from my hometown in '95), and she just called me last week to say that she booked a flight so that she could be with me for Christmas again. Again with the deja vu!

I am a family oriented person. I need to have regular hugs, and to feel loved. I am afraid of being alone but I feel that I may be alone for a good long while this time. I need time to heal, and to figure out just what I am doing wrong? Why do I keep getting in to relationships with controlling, judgemental women? What is the lesson there?


So yeah, I'm back for now at least. I don't expect to hear from anyone but would be happy to if you did.

Have a great holiday season eveyone! xo