Oh please, are you kidding? Ive staked my entire career on being a letdown my head is gloomspun and silky slippery in the worst way, and Im not really sure exactly what it is that I meant that one time when I said that one thing that I wasnt paying attention to when I said it. (too busy letting people down) Oh, but now society urges me pop culture knows Ive got it in me knows I apparently have something worth saying, yet still, I insist on keeping it to myself. Sure I wanna feel like part of this was mine sure I wanna fall in love tonight, but circumstances arent leaning in my favour (and Im sitting back laughing at the sound of myself with a phony English accent while society says something important thats ultimately lost on me.) (sorry kids, but Im not all here.)
But see, heres my problem: Im a firm believer that everything ultimately always works out in the end regardless of what you did to get there that reminds me of the time I told my mother that Id just thought of the funniest line to describe myself she says, o.k., what is it? To which I reply, Theres a fine line between patience and lethargy.
I dont get it hows that funny? and I still argue that Im the most patient person on the planet dude, I can wait with the best of em. Rome wasnt built in a day, and besides Ive always questioned the infrastructure I wouldnt have thrown the Christians to the lions. I wouldve ignored em all together. I wouldve left the lions in the desert, or the jungle, or wherever lions come from
Dad, where do lions come from?
I dont know. Im a vegetarian.
(This is the kind of existential bullshit that gets yr bookdeal cancelled.)
(Yes, Im changing directions.)
Im glad I walked out on my fianc. It gave way to the drunken splendor you hold before you, and all the unchecked hotlust that boils up in the summer time at the beach when yr running south to Ponte Vedra and back in the middle of the afternoon the way the sun bakes you and sweat seems natural the way the ocean softcrashes off to your side while girls lay bored, primped and primed with that light glaze of suntan lotion and ocean water. Ive got songs in my head. Ive got thoughts in my head, and the sky stretches up into space which stretches up into forever which stretches up into gods head and forms thoughts which shapeshift and rain back down into my brain while I blab all night about nothing in particular. (We share some ideas.) Im a good kid, yknow? Everythings just great. I just cant remember. Someone sums it all up, and instantly I put my entire past behind me.
Im drunk and Im in love with someone new. Im not telling her anything. Im just trying to get her to invite me to her apartment.
Shes inviting me to her apartment. Shes telling me to make myself comfortable on the couch while she goes to the refrigerator and gets me a beer. Shes sitting beside me and drinking with me. My reputation has preceded me, and I think she expects me to say something clever. My mind is a spacey jumble. Mmm beer tastes good and shes a goddess. Her perfume is a perfect secret that only a lucky few know. The music in the background is from one of my favourite albums. Theres this beer and another in the course of an hour or so.
Im heading back to my hotel. Im sneaking a beer in the elevator looking at my reflection in the blurred elevator glass at a sleepy 5:00am. Im fumbling my way back into my hotel room. Im drinking another beer and eating my leftovers from the vegetarian restaurant. I think tonight went well we kissed when I left and I felt so gooey and cozy inside although, I got the feeling that some distant part of her brain felt unwanted cause I didnt try to fuck her. I dont think she understood just how drunk I was.
Shes calling me on my cell phone. Shes apologizing for being drunk and calling so late. She wants to know if we can have lunch tomorrow. Im so fucking thrilled. ( Sleep.) (Passed out, actually.)
Lunch is perfect outside in the late afternoon and shes complaining about her moronic ex-boyfriend. Im watching her fingers while she dips her frenchfries into too much ketchup. (Jangly bracelets almost touching.) Shes not the kinda girl society kills themselves for, but Im wrecked. Im finishing one more coke before we leave. She wants me to come over and watch movies tonight, but shes afraid Im too hung up on going out.
No really, I dont have to do that every night.
But its Saturday I know you cant pass that up.
Actually, Id like to just spend the night watching Trading Spaces.
Its late and Im sitting on her couch eating doughnut holes. The fourth re-run of Trading Spaces has just ended and were watching While You Were Out for the second time. Shes curled up against me and Im sure Im in love. My hand is on her hip the exposed part where her shirt is too short and her jeans are too low to cover. Part of me wants to fuck her and part of me wants to marry her. Part of me just wants to sleep beside her. All of me wants to kiss her which I do. Her mouth is soft and perfect with the slightest hint of gum and new toothpaste.
I wont bore you with the details.
(Yes, I'm changing directions.)
But see, heres my problem: Im a firm believer that everything ultimately always works out in the end regardless of what you did to get there that reminds me of the time I told my mother that Id just thought of the funniest line to describe myself she says, o.k., what is it? To which I reply, Theres a fine line between patience and lethargy.
I dont get it hows that funny? and I still argue that Im the most patient person on the planet dude, I can wait with the best of em. Rome wasnt built in a day, and besides Ive always questioned the infrastructure I wouldnt have thrown the Christians to the lions. I wouldve ignored em all together. I wouldve left the lions in the desert, or the jungle, or wherever lions come from
Dad, where do lions come from?
I dont know. Im a vegetarian.
(This is the kind of existential bullshit that gets yr bookdeal cancelled.)
(Yes, Im changing directions.)
Im glad I walked out on my fianc. It gave way to the drunken splendor you hold before you, and all the unchecked hotlust that boils up in the summer time at the beach when yr running south to Ponte Vedra and back in the middle of the afternoon the way the sun bakes you and sweat seems natural the way the ocean softcrashes off to your side while girls lay bored, primped and primed with that light glaze of suntan lotion and ocean water. Ive got songs in my head. Ive got thoughts in my head, and the sky stretches up into space which stretches up into forever which stretches up into gods head and forms thoughts which shapeshift and rain back down into my brain while I blab all night about nothing in particular. (We share some ideas.) Im a good kid, yknow? Everythings just great. I just cant remember. Someone sums it all up, and instantly I put my entire past behind me.
Im drunk and Im in love with someone new. Im not telling her anything. Im just trying to get her to invite me to her apartment.
Shes inviting me to her apartment. Shes telling me to make myself comfortable on the couch while she goes to the refrigerator and gets me a beer. Shes sitting beside me and drinking with me. My reputation has preceded me, and I think she expects me to say something clever. My mind is a spacey jumble. Mmm beer tastes good and shes a goddess. Her perfume is a perfect secret that only a lucky few know. The music in the background is from one of my favourite albums. Theres this beer and another in the course of an hour or so.
Im heading back to my hotel. Im sneaking a beer in the elevator looking at my reflection in the blurred elevator glass at a sleepy 5:00am. Im fumbling my way back into my hotel room. Im drinking another beer and eating my leftovers from the vegetarian restaurant. I think tonight went well we kissed when I left and I felt so gooey and cozy inside although, I got the feeling that some distant part of her brain felt unwanted cause I didnt try to fuck her. I dont think she understood just how drunk I was.
Shes calling me on my cell phone. Shes apologizing for being drunk and calling so late. She wants to know if we can have lunch tomorrow. Im so fucking thrilled. ( Sleep.) (Passed out, actually.)
Lunch is perfect outside in the late afternoon and shes complaining about her moronic ex-boyfriend. Im watching her fingers while she dips her frenchfries into too much ketchup. (Jangly bracelets almost touching.) Shes not the kinda girl society kills themselves for, but Im wrecked. Im finishing one more coke before we leave. She wants me to come over and watch movies tonight, but shes afraid Im too hung up on going out.
No really, I dont have to do that every night.
But its Saturday I know you cant pass that up.
Actually, Id like to just spend the night watching Trading Spaces.
Its late and Im sitting on her couch eating doughnut holes. The fourth re-run of Trading Spaces has just ended and were watching While You Were Out for the second time. Shes curled up against me and Im sure Im in love. My hand is on her hip the exposed part where her shirt is too short and her jeans are too low to cover. Part of me wants to fuck her and part of me wants to marry her. Part of me just wants to sleep beside her. All of me wants to kiss her which I do. Her mouth is soft and perfect with the slightest hint of gum and new toothpaste.
I wont bore you with the details.
(Yes, I'm changing directions.)
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
mohollyweird:
do not be afriad of us cyber-silly folk! whut the hey?
lolita:
Write more! Write more!