This insomnia is getting to me.
I no longer feel that I am awake or sleeping.
I am just. . . . . .
And I start thinking.
about.
How cool it was that I found "Lullaby" by Chuck Palaniuk for $4.98 at Barnes and Noble today.
How hungry I am.
I miss my friends.
My ridiculously high phone bill.
Me being exhausted but not being able to sleep, so I leave stupid comments for everyone on my friend's list on Myspace.
I miss oral sex.
I miss sex.
I live at work.
I want a strawberry Belgian waffle with whipped cream and a boy to share it with.
Carlos leaves Saturday for over 2 months.
I see my old best friend Ashlee tomorrow.
Whatever happened to that cute guy Josh who liked me in high school who I liked back but I was a scared freshman so I rebuffed his sweetness and devotion to me.
I need to pick a fucking university to go NOW.
The walls are spinning.
I can't sleep.
I can't sleep.
I will miss him.
So many things to do this weekend and no time and inclination to do them.
Still bothered by the whole Jerry thing at work.
Why doesn't he like me?
Is he lame?
Am I lame?
I want to see "The Machinist".
It is about a man who hasn't slept in a year.
Could that happen to me?
When I sign off AIM I say...sleepy time....but it just means that I don't want to talk to them anymore. I am not sleeping.
I look for distractions.
Myspace.SG.Hotmail.Myspace.SG.Hotmail.
Flitting back and forth to see if anything new has come up.
Emails and comments are like birthday presents.
Um.
Um.
I feel delirious with tiredness.
Can I take a day off from life please?
Is my computer screen shaking or is that me?
No, I do not want attention I just want you to understand.
I no longer feel that I am awake or sleeping.
I am just. . . . . .
And I start thinking.
about.
How cool it was that I found "Lullaby" by Chuck Palaniuk for $4.98 at Barnes and Noble today.
How hungry I am.
I miss my friends.
My ridiculously high phone bill.
Me being exhausted but not being able to sleep, so I leave stupid comments for everyone on my friend's list on Myspace.
I miss oral sex.
I miss sex.
I live at work.
I want a strawberry Belgian waffle with whipped cream and a boy to share it with.
Carlos leaves Saturday for over 2 months.
I see my old best friend Ashlee tomorrow.
Whatever happened to that cute guy Josh who liked me in high school who I liked back but I was a scared freshman so I rebuffed his sweetness and devotion to me.
I need to pick a fucking university to go NOW.
The walls are spinning.
I can't sleep.
I can't sleep.
I will miss him.
So many things to do this weekend and no time and inclination to do them.
Still bothered by the whole Jerry thing at work.
Why doesn't he like me?
Is he lame?
Am I lame?
I want to see "The Machinist".
It is about a man who hasn't slept in a year.
Could that happen to me?
When I sign off AIM I say...sleepy time....but it just means that I don't want to talk to them anymore. I am not sleeping.
I look for distractions.
Myspace.SG.Hotmail.Myspace.SG.Hotmail.
Flitting back and forth to see if anything new has come up.
Emails and comments are like birthday presents.
Um.
Um.
I feel delirious with tiredness.
Can I take a day off from life please?
Is my computer screen shaking or is that me?
No, I do not want attention I just want you to understand.
VIEW 11 of 11 COMMENTS
Some Advice:
- It's too late for "Jerry" (guy from work?), b/c you've built him up too much and will only be disappointed when he doesn't turn out to be what you had hoped for - then you'll get depressed b/c you'll wonder why you can't meet anyone worth anything
- MASTURBATION is your new sleeping pill. . .it is seriously the only way i get to sleep some nights (mornings-5,6am, you know)
- Another method: lay on your back, close your eyes, and put yourself into an environment that makes you feel relaxed (like on the beach). then flex your toes back toward your head for about ten seconds, (while keeping the rest of your body relaxed), then let go and relax. when you let go - imagine the negative energy, stress, etc. dripping down into the ground/bed. Then stretch your toes out the opposite direction (pointed toes) for ten seconds, relax, and imagine it all dripping away.
Then do this for the legs, the stomach/lower back, chest/upper back, arms, closed fists/outstreched fingers, chin-to-chest/chin-to-ceiling, and finally face-stretched-out(mouth open wide)/face scrunched.
This works every time. In fact, most people don't even make it to the arms before they're passed out. Just remember to keep the image in your mind of the relaxed environment, and consciously imagine the stress, etc. melting away.
-Be Cool, Go to School . . . and learn and shit.