Journal Transcription From Philly Trip.
4.22.09 Right now it's 0942 and I'm drinking coffee and getting ready to mail a friend some things. Here's how Philadelphia went down...
4.16.09. 0811. On the train. An Horse show is tonight and I'm excited. They crush. Right now I'm stuck in a shitty seat on the train with very little window to look out of.
1105. Woke up from some sort of staggered half-sleep. Some of the people around me are different and I don't remember anything about it. To the back and right of me is an icy older woman who reminds me of what a girl I used to talk to will look like in 20 years. She has on a skirt with stockings and high boots.
1722. This city really makes me feel like and alien sometimes. It took me a good while to find the M Room where the band is playing. I saw the Poe House and got to hang out in a cool park with a carousel for a little bit. Right now I'm sitting a block away eating goldfish crackers and drinking a Coke. I've got hours to kill before the show. It's really nice to sit here in the shade but I feel really lonely and like I wish someone was just here to talk with me. Honestly though, I'll come out stronger if I just sit here and deal with it... I wish there was a place to get a cup of coffee around here.
4.17.09. 0930. After I got off the train yesterday I spent most of my time reading and walking. At one point I had a bad spell of anxiety about something and just wanted to leave. These feelings are good though because if you just ride them out and don't give in you come out a lot stronger on the other side. It's hard sometimes though. A little before the show I found a joint that sold coffee and ended up hanging out there for a little bit. The two people working there were cool and we talked for a little while. We hung out outside for a while and this dude, Alex, could really skateboard. No bullshit. I read about half of Henry Miller's Black Spring yesterday.
Kate from An Horse found me and we talked for a good bit while the first band was on. I met her in pGH after a show and recently interviewed her in hopes to get it on SG. She wrote down some books that I'm going to order when I get back home. I told her I'd mail her some Nick Cave lectures that I have on cd. We talked about relationships for a while at one point and she said something I hope I never forget... "I went to a great private school because my dad was a divorce lawyer." HA! Right on!
Their set was crushing. Fast and short. After they played I was really tired and told Kate that I was gonna head home so we said our goodbyes and I was out the door. I love to talk to transient people with many things going on. They're always the most interesting.
Later once I was in West I met a bunch of people at a karaoke night thing and it was hilarious and great to catch up with them.
Today I popped at eight bells and had coffee and oatmeal with CC who is putting me up for the trip. Talked to JG too. I haven't seen him in years?
The whole train ride here I thought about the possibility of moving back here. There is much more 'to do' and many motivated people. The best thing about this place is the people. Period. My friends and my friends friends are so welcoming and it feels good. Something about this place gives me anxiety though...
1250. Back at Catherine st. Grabbed a tofu hoagie and read at the part for a while. I'm tired. Time for pushups and a shower.
1851. Took a big sleep then met ES at the Satellite. Got coffee and a wrap. After that I walked to DA's and watched his band the Blacks and Blues record. [I took pictures and will post them] Back at Catherine again now. Everyone left. I feel really depressed and anxious for no reason. I feel okay when someone is around but being alone in this apartment is a bummer for some reason. Time for more pushups...
I am really really looking forward to breakfast at AG's tomorrow. She's a cool chick and I wish I knew her better. There is also some Earth Day thing at Clark Park which PS's sister will be selling shirts at. I haven't seen here in about three years. Right now I'm thinking about 4-seed cookies and how this city is killing me slowly right now without rhyme or reason. I hope I make it til Monday.
4.18.09. 0737. Popped at seven today. I feel very rested in spite of crazy people screaming outside of the window all night.
Last night I ate at Dock st. with KBO and her boyfriend. The food was delicious. We got a Sicilian pizza and some sweet potato french fries with leeks. So good! I came back to Catherine and JG came home soon after. We stayed up talking about art while listening to Cat Stevens. Today is breakfast at AG's and the market. I'm feeling good...
0817. I don't know if it was planned because I'm in town but there will be a breakfast at AG's today. She's a good artist and I need to remember to buy something from her while I'm here. Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only person up at seven on their day off...
4.19.09. 0828. Yesterday was eventful! Went to AG's for breakfast and it was un-fucking-believable. We hit the farmers market a little before and it was way cool. Breakfast consisted of some french toast with some crazy banana stuff on top of it. I can't explain it but it was amazing. Bought a shirt off of P's sister. I know she used to work for Ecko and Victoria's Secret but now she's doing design herself and it seems to be going well.
After breakfast I rode with CC to Eastern Penitentiary and her boyfriend took us on a tour. That place is amazing but the coolest part is that Steve Buscemi narrates the audio tour. Ha! I bought a book about the place that C's boyfriend wrote. He knows everything about this place. After that we went and got salsa fixings and sausage to grill for a party at P's sisters. The food was great and the people were incredible. These cats out here make me really feel loved. AG and P and I made up the worst jokes ever and it was HILARIOUS!
Got back to Catherine around 10 or 11pm and sat outside and talked for a while. Everyone split at one point so A and I got ice cream cones and walked around West. It was great. The houses at night in this city fill me with some feeling I could never explain. To just walk around and look at lights and the trees and smell the smells of this place was wonderful. A is beautiful and hilarious and walking around with her made me remember what it is about that people dig about being in a relationship. That feeling of everything just being right. I don't know how much I trust that feeling but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't really nice to hang out with a female and eat ice cream. I'm actually meeting her for coffee soon.
I've been thinking about the idea of being 'emotionally underfed'. Basically not letting people in too far and keeping things at a safe distance all the time. I think it kind of keeps you sharper and clear minded. Think of it like ice cream. It's great but too much and it ends up not being so good for you. I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about...
1522. Took a nap and walked to the Satellite to grab coffee. The girl at the counter saw my left thumb and said "Aw! A little Black Flag Tattoo, that's so cute!". I showed her the cup on my other thumb. It was funny but of little consequence.
Earlier today I grabbed coffee with A. She is a riot and hanging with her is good. Right now I'm at Catherine listening to Black Sabbath. Best band ever?
Sometimes I think about trying to talk to a girl but I think it's better that I don't. I just don't trust it anymore. I guess I'm afraid of embarrassing myself. A lot of these feelings are good to keep inside. At least no one can fuck with them there. It's hard to tell what's what anyhow. If you're caught up or if you've fully realized something.
4.20.09. 1123. At 30th st. Station right now. Have an hour or so to kill until my train leaves. Last night was a great last night in town. I didn't hit the bed til about 4 but I was up at 7. Go figure. Visiting this city was great and I'm glad the first day or two had me anxious and bummed. I rode it out and this ended up being an amazing trip. Kind of an uneventful 'Last Day Here' entry. Fuck it...
4.22.09 Right now it's 0942 and I'm drinking coffee and getting ready to mail a friend some things. Here's how Philadelphia went down...
4.16.09. 0811. On the train. An Horse show is tonight and I'm excited. They crush. Right now I'm stuck in a shitty seat on the train with very little window to look out of.
1105. Woke up from some sort of staggered half-sleep. Some of the people around me are different and I don't remember anything about it. To the back and right of me is an icy older woman who reminds me of what a girl I used to talk to will look like in 20 years. She has on a skirt with stockings and high boots.
1722. This city really makes me feel like and alien sometimes. It took me a good while to find the M Room where the band is playing. I saw the Poe House and got to hang out in a cool park with a carousel for a little bit. Right now I'm sitting a block away eating goldfish crackers and drinking a Coke. I've got hours to kill before the show. It's really nice to sit here in the shade but I feel really lonely and like I wish someone was just here to talk with me. Honestly though, I'll come out stronger if I just sit here and deal with it... I wish there was a place to get a cup of coffee around here.
4.17.09. 0930. After I got off the train yesterday I spent most of my time reading and walking. At one point I had a bad spell of anxiety about something and just wanted to leave. These feelings are good though because if you just ride them out and don't give in you come out a lot stronger on the other side. It's hard sometimes though. A little before the show I found a joint that sold coffee and ended up hanging out there for a little bit. The two people working there were cool and we talked for a little while. We hung out outside for a while and this dude, Alex, could really skateboard. No bullshit. I read about half of Henry Miller's Black Spring yesterday.
Kate from An Horse found me and we talked for a good bit while the first band was on. I met her in pGH after a show and recently interviewed her in hopes to get it on SG. She wrote down some books that I'm going to order when I get back home. I told her I'd mail her some Nick Cave lectures that I have on cd. We talked about relationships for a while at one point and she said something I hope I never forget... "I went to a great private school because my dad was a divorce lawyer." HA! Right on!
Their set was crushing. Fast and short. After they played I was really tired and told Kate that I was gonna head home so we said our goodbyes and I was out the door. I love to talk to transient people with many things going on. They're always the most interesting.
Later once I was in West I met a bunch of people at a karaoke night thing and it was hilarious and great to catch up with them.
Today I popped at eight bells and had coffee and oatmeal with CC who is putting me up for the trip. Talked to JG too. I haven't seen him in years?
The whole train ride here I thought about the possibility of moving back here. There is much more 'to do' and many motivated people. The best thing about this place is the people. Period. My friends and my friends friends are so welcoming and it feels good. Something about this place gives me anxiety though...
1250. Back at Catherine st. Grabbed a tofu hoagie and read at the part for a while. I'm tired. Time for pushups and a shower.
1851. Took a big sleep then met ES at the Satellite. Got coffee and a wrap. After that I walked to DA's and watched his band the Blacks and Blues record. [I took pictures and will post them] Back at Catherine again now. Everyone left. I feel really depressed and anxious for no reason. I feel okay when someone is around but being alone in this apartment is a bummer for some reason. Time for more pushups...
I am really really looking forward to breakfast at AG's tomorrow. She's a cool chick and I wish I knew her better. There is also some Earth Day thing at Clark Park which PS's sister will be selling shirts at. I haven't seen here in about three years. Right now I'm thinking about 4-seed cookies and how this city is killing me slowly right now without rhyme or reason. I hope I make it til Monday.
4.18.09. 0737. Popped at seven today. I feel very rested in spite of crazy people screaming outside of the window all night.
Last night I ate at Dock st. with KBO and her boyfriend. The food was delicious. We got a Sicilian pizza and some sweet potato french fries with leeks. So good! I came back to Catherine and JG came home soon after. We stayed up talking about art while listening to Cat Stevens. Today is breakfast at AG's and the market. I'm feeling good...
0817. I don't know if it was planned because I'm in town but there will be a breakfast at AG's today. She's a good artist and I need to remember to buy something from her while I'm here. Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only person up at seven on their day off...
4.19.09. 0828. Yesterday was eventful! Went to AG's for breakfast and it was un-fucking-believable. We hit the farmers market a little before and it was way cool. Breakfast consisted of some french toast with some crazy banana stuff on top of it. I can't explain it but it was amazing. Bought a shirt off of P's sister. I know she used to work for Ecko and Victoria's Secret but now she's doing design herself and it seems to be going well.
After breakfast I rode with CC to Eastern Penitentiary and her boyfriend took us on a tour. That place is amazing but the coolest part is that Steve Buscemi narrates the audio tour. Ha! I bought a book about the place that C's boyfriend wrote. He knows everything about this place. After that we went and got salsa fixings and sausage to grill for a party at P's sisters. The food was great and the people were incredible. These cats out here make me really feel loved. AG and P and I made up the worst jokes ever and it was HILARIOUS!
Got back to Catherine around 10 or 11pm and sat outside and talked for a while. Everyone split at one point so A and I got ice cream cones and walked around West. It was great. The houses at night in this city fill me with some feeling I could never explain. To just walk around and look at lights and the trees and smell the smells of this place was wonderful. A is beautiful and hilarious and walking around with her made me remember what it is about that people dig about being in a relationship. That feeling of everything just being right. I don't know how much I trust that feeling but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't really nice to hang out with a female and eat ice cream. I'm actually meeting her for coffee soon.
I've been thinking about the idea of being 'emotionally underfed'. Basically not letting people in too far and keeping things at a safe distance all the time. I think it kind of keeps you sharper and clear minded. Think of it like ice cream. It's great but too much and it ends up not being so good for you. I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about...
1522. Took a nap and walked to the Satellite to grab coffee. The girl at the counter saw my left thumb and said "Aw! A little Black Flag Tattoo, that's so cute!". I showed her the cup on my other thumb. It was funny but of little consequence.
Earlier today I grabbed coffee with A. She is a riot and hanging with her is good. Right now I'm at Catherine listening to Black Sabbath. Best band ever?
Sometimes I think about trying to talk to a girl but I think it's better that I don't. I just don't trust it anymore. I guess I'm afraid of embarrassing myself. A lot of these feelings are good to keep inside. At least no one can fuck with them there. It's hard to tell what's what anyhow. If you're caught up or if you've fully realized something.
4.20.09. 1123. At 30th st. Station right now. Have an hour or so to kill until my train leaves. Last night was a great last night in town. I didn't hit the bed til about 4 but I was up at 7. Go figure. Visiting this city was great and I'm glad the first day or two had me anxious and bummed. I rode it out and this ended up being an amazing trip. Kind of an uneventful 'Last Day Here' entry. Fuck it...