While October is always wonderful for Halloween and spooky festivities, it is also Depression Awareness & Education Month. When I started advocating for mental health, I had someone comment that “I can’t believe someone so beautiful could ever be so sad.”
Something I have only recently been open about is that 2 weeks before I was asked by a photographer to shoot (resulting in my ultimate journey to SG), I had attempted to commit suicide. I overdosed on heavy benzodiazepines. On purpose.
I truly don’t remember much. My roommates at the time said that when they got home, I had crawled out of my bedroom & into the living room. I uttered one word: “Help.”
They said I was unconscious and unresponsive. When I came around in the hospital, I told them I wanted to leave Against Medical Advice. The doctors instructed I could stroke out, die, go to sleep and never wake up. I told them that was my problem, not theirs. I left.
As this wasn't my first attempt, I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder. As it goes, I am here today. And I am beyond blessed to have graced the front page of SuicideGirls again. Personally, I always hated the phrase “it gets better!” It always felt somewhat disingenuous. But for a lack of better words, I can confirm that it does get better. Talking about depression can be uncomfortable, frustrating, and plain difficult. I am here to remind you that the only thing more exhausting than depression is pretending that you’re not.
In honor of National Depression Awareness Month, I encourage you to have a conversation with your loved ones about depression. Do your best to be a support system for those who need it, and let them know you’re there and want to hear their feelings. If you are experiencing symptoms of depression yourself, know you are not alone. Be an advocate for yourself and speak up, talk with your doctor, lean on your support system, and keep an open mind to treatment.
If we all have the courage to speak out, we can break the stigma and spread love, hope, and positivity to those who need it most. Remember, I love you enough for both of us ❤️
