From Wombat & Midwest over at kissnblog:
Kiss & Blog is fortunate to have the smartest commenters anywhere. Sometimes a gift arrives unbidden, as did this comment to Midwest's post on pussy eating. A comprehensive guide to helping men pleasure their women, it is eye-popping in both quality and thoroughness. So much so, it's worth publishing on its own.
Thanks Anonymous, whoever you are.
* * *
I'm an accomplished foot rubber and diver of muff, I also good at neck/back massage. The activities tend to be distinct but one can certainly lead to another.
Guys, the main benefit to giving your woman a foot massage is simple: she'll appreciate it.
Women who feel appreciated tend to be more fun to be around than women who don't. They'll smile more, do things on a whim, your odds of a good morning bj increase, and you'll be forgiven more of your basic guy sins. So learn to give her a nice foot massage. It's simple, easier than relacing a baseball mitt.
Your first order of business is to get a book on Reflexology. You're not getting the book to learn about the energy flow crap or the bits about uric crystals or any of that other stuff, you're learning the reflexology stuff, the zones and such, so you have something to think about while you're rubbing her feet.
Because, like me, you're a guy, and you'll be bored in, like, 90 seconds if you're just sitting there rubbing her feet.
Reflexology gives you a plan and you can use that plan to do a good job. And there is a plan in most reflexology books to stimulate her libido, a set of areas to massage in a certain sequence, so get a book and leaf through it. Have a plan.
The critical thing here is that you need to loosen up her foot before you start doing massage. That involves slowly stretching out her arch and foot and applying gradually increasing pressure. Go slow with medium pressure.
Work your way into it. If you need practice, dig out your old baseball mitt and get some Neatsfoot oil and break it in.
Neck and back massage have the same kind of touch issues - if you're doing a therapeutic massage because her neck hurts and she's uncomfortable, have her do some neck rolls and slow stretches while you wash your hands (yes, you wash your hands before you do this).
Get comfortable, either her sitting on the floor in front of you or you standing behind her. Place your hands and palms alongside the base of her neck and *feel* with your thumbs along her spine, get a sense of how tense she is.
There should be some give to her skin, if she's really tense, it'll feel hard or you'll feel a lot of thin rope-like things under her skin - those are knots and, eventually, you'll want to work them out.
Go slow and let your fingers work with a pattern and rhythm. You'll need to develop a pattern and rhythm, if you're stuck for an idea, use the "Jeopardy Theme". The muscles won't relax after 10 seconds of you pounding on them. Take your time.
Massage isn't a one time thing. Pick up a good therapeutic massage book and learn some techniques (e.g. Swedish)
The main thing is to remember to *feel* her through your hands. Which sounds kind of dumb, but some guys apparently give massages like their kneading bread dough or tenderizing meat. That's a person you're working on there, slick.
She's an actual person capable of giving feedback so be aware of both verbal and non-verbal cues - if you're doing a good job on a therapeutic massage you'll get moments where she gets a 'good' kind of pain, one where a muscle is relaxing because you're working out a knot. That's a good thing.
But don't start digging in hard because that will turn the 'good' pain into the 'bad' pain.
Also, don't finish the massage cold turkey. Once you've finished working out the muscles do a minute or two where you're massaging an entire side of her back and neck with light to medium sweeps (open palms with firm slightly curved fingers). Don't just slap her back and go. Give her three light pats to let her know that you've finished.
btw - giving good neck / back massage is an excellent way to have her volunteer to take her top off for you. It makes it easier to work her lower neck.
There are some guy-related reasons for giving good neck and back massage.
Women with good range of motion in their neck and nice pliable shoulders give better head and can do so for longer periods of time before cramping up. So, you know, it's not like you're necessarily being entirely altruistic here
The last thing mentioned is muff diving. Every woman is different and my expertise is centered around my wife, but I'm, according to her, skilled, so that should count for something.
Here are some generalized ideas for guys:
Guys, get some technique:
1 - Rent some classic porn and watch John Leslie. He has a plan going in, you should to. Classic porn, in general, figure 82-89, tends to be better suited if you're thinking of incorporating stuff you see into stuff you do.
If you like you can watch porn involving lesbians as well as they, lesbians, can give you some technique ideas as well. That at least provides an excuse for watching lesbian porn, if you need an excuse.
2 - Forget about doing the alphabet with your tongue. Think 'SpiroGraph'
Also, think about what she's doing with her finger and/or vibrator and try to replicate those sensations, only make them stronger.
a. build up some tongue stamina and technique. Bite your lower lip and flick it like a speedbag with the tip of your tongue.
Now flick your tongue against your bit lower lip lightly, now harder, now really hard, now really lightly, now work your way from left to right, and right to left, and then rub your tongue across your lip.
Now do the same thing with your upper lip.
Now do the same thing biting more of your lip, now biting less ... hey, she's doing Kegels for your benefit, biting your lip and speedbagging it is the least you can do for her.
Eventually you'll learn how to control the pressure and speed of your tongue, which you'll need later on when you're trying to help her come. Because, in most cases men don't make women orgasm, they help women orgasm.
Being able to offer her more variety of sensations while she's trying to figure out what's going to trip her trigger ups the odds that she will.
(Though, she doesn't have to orgasm, women have the 'great sex even though I didn't come' thing going for them - my solution if it's clear that she's not going to come is to tell her that everything is okay and I'll come for the both of us.)
b. If possible, stay hard while eating her out. She'll like it if you can make the transition swiftly.
c. Grooming tip: Shave your chin - dry shave if you have to - in a pinch you can rub some hair conditioner on your chin and give yourself a close enough shave that you won't cause her pain.
If you can't shave, put your chin on your fingers so that your fingers are touching her.
d. Remember that part about doing what she does with her vibrator and/or fingers? Well, think about it. Better yet, ask her to touch herself in front of you with your cheek pressed against her thigh.
You'll get a pretty good idea of what to try and how much pressure she likes. If you want to have some fun, lick and kiss the back of her fingers as she's rubbing herself.
e. You've got one tongue and ten fingers. All of which can be used to stimulate her.
Much as you like it when she strokes your balls while sliding your cock in and out of her mouth, she might like it if you use your hands on her.
Here's the rub - you're trying to increase the stimulation so try these things:
1) spread her lips open with your fingers, but not like, you know, all stupid and guy-like. Take some care. Learn the anatomy, do some reconnoitering, know your way in and around by touch and tongue feel.
While you're getting acquainted with her pussy, use your fingers and do light but firm circles, sort of like an erotic spirograph while you're changing the gears - keep the same licking pattern with your tongue.
That changes the feeling (I'm told) but by keeping one thing the same and changing the other you're able to better lock in on what feels good to her that day and keep that going for her.
At which point your availabilty of lip and finger techniques will allow you to help her get farther down the path until such time she has an orgasm or two (or a hella lot)
A quick note on multiple orgasms - the commenter up thread mentioned 'eight'. Female orgasms are funny in that there are, like, 97 varieties. It's tough to know what's coming down the pike. She might not know until she's there.
I tend to go less by how many times she's orgasmed and more by how much time she spends from first orgasm to the last one.
We've been together long enough that I've noticed patterns - deep, really deep, quick and light, sharp and surprising - a whole host of things orgasm related that I, as a guy, just sort sit back and go 'hmmm, I guess that makes up for all the other crap women have to put up with' .
If you've got game and pay attention to her, you can (eventually) keep her in an orgasmic state (having one, building almost immediately towards another 'different' one, having that - changing spot and technique, tripping a surprise - to her - third one, going back to the first technique, which starts her building ... et cetera)
That can go on for a while, not hours, but longer than you, as a guy, would think.
Also, you know how sometimes she thinks that she should be moving her head reallyreallyreally fast while you're coming but it feels a lot better if she just held her position, sucked hard and slow and squeezed your balls really firmly - you can try that to. When she comes suck on her clit sort of firmly and slide your tongue up inside her, pull out slowly pressing against her toward her clit.
If she doesn't like that or wants something else, go with her. She's the one having an orgasm.
If it does work, then it might work *really big* - that that point you're along for the ride, keep your neck loose, go with her and don't let her bucking hips buck into your teeth.
How will you know if she's having an orgasm and does it matter?
Well, first off, it doesn't matter so long as the two (or more) of you are having fun.
If you're trying different things, having a good time, settled in for the long haul, et cetera, you'll know when she's working up to a big orgasm - you'll feel sort of a vibration in her hips on your arms, she'll buck, nipples will harden up more, and there'll be a host of reactions.
Mostly she'll not want you to stop and she may start giving you direction. Take her seriously but don't get all crazy stupid on her and "Try Everything In Rapid sequence" ... figure it out.
Think of it this way - if you have a really deep itch on your back and you ask your partner to scratch your back, and they keep just barely missing 'the spot' - really close, but no relief - that's what she's sort of going through. So work with her to find the spot - or the amount of pressure - or the dirty talk - or whateverthehell she needs to go.
Remember, you've got hand to help move her pussy around while you keep your tongue still. Try different techniques, side-to-side, one side only, rocking, pushing gently - just don't go nuts and do everything all at once. Give her some time to adjust.
If you can't figure out how much time to take on each technique, count silently backwards from '12' in the language you studied in highschool for each technique.
That should give her enough time to figure out if what you're doing will be enough for her.
Then again, sometimes if she's stuck on a plateau near her orgasm, just sliding up, fucking her good and hard for about a minute and then going back down on her does the trick. Don't worry, it doesn't turn you gay or even bicurious.
If she comes, she comes - but she might come more, potentially lots more. I've often had my wife coming so frequently that she's started to laugh coming off an orgasm and having a 'surprise' orgasm pop up, just before heading into one of those really deep ... 'ooohhhh fuuuckkkkkkk' ones.
So, figure out what works for her.
I have a decision here, too. It's this: I know from experience the following:
1 - She's a lot friskier if she comes once and we start fucking
2 - She's a lot sluttier if she comes three or four times (one or two deep, a couple of small ones) so we tend to try out more stuff.
Also, she'll be more likely to want to fuck again in a couple of hours if she's had a couple, but not too many.
3 - If the planets align, which happens a time or two a month, I can keep her coming so long and so deep that she's effectively 'come'd out' - by the time I finish oral she's just a completely limp twitching mess.
Which might sound like hyperbole, but it's not. The sex, for me, isn't that great because she's pretty non-responsive. Sure, she's twitching a lot inside and that feels nice, but she's sort of off in her own world for a while and I like her being with me while we fuck.
Generally I'll just hold her for about ten to fifteen minutes and eventually she'll work herself back into a 'okay, now fuck me' frame of mind. Which is, you know, fun.
But, alas, after one of those kind of times she's pretty much satiated and isn't as likely to jump my bones for a couple of days.
So, there are selfish decisions to make as well once her orgasms start, if they start.
You don't have much time at the time, so choose wisely.
So, why bother with any of this. As a guy, the upsides of being good with your hands and tongue as well as your cock are tremendous.
Trust me.
But start with learning to give a good foot massage.
Women really, really like that.
Kiss & Blog is fortunate to have the smartest commenters anywhere. Sometimes a gift arrives unbidden, as did this comment to Midwest's post on pussy eating. A comprehensive guide to helping men pleasure their women, it is eye-popping in both quality and thoroughness. So much so, it's worth publishing on its own.
Thanks Anonymous, whoever you are.
* * *
I'm an accomplished foot rubber and diver of muff, I also good at neck/back massage. The activities tend to be distinct but one can certainly lead to another.
Guys, the main benefit to giving your woman a foot massage is simple: she'll appreciate it.
Women who feel appreciated tend to be more fun to be around than women who don't. They'll smile more, do things on a whim, your odds of a good morning bj increase, and you'll be forgiven more of your basic guy sins. So learn to give her a nice foot massage. It's simple, easier than relacing a baseball mitt.
Your first order of business is to get a book on Reflexology. You're not getting the book to learn about the energy flow crap or the bits about uric crystals or any of that other stuff, you're learning the reflexology stuff, the zones and such, so you have something to think about while you're rubbing her feet.
Because, like me, you're a guy, and you'll be bored in, like, 90 seconds if you're just sitting there rubbing her feet.
Reflexology gives you a plan and you can use that plan to do a good job. And there is a plan in most reflexology books to stimulate her libido, a set of areas to massage in a certain sequence, so get a book and leaf through it. Have a plan.
The critical thing here is that you need to loosen up her foot before you start doing massage. That involves slowly stretching out her arch and foot and applying gradually increasing pressure. Go slow with medium pressure.
Work your way into it. If you need practice, dig out your old baseball mitt and get some Neatsfoot oil and break it in.
Neck and back massage have the same kind of touch issues - if you're doing a therapeutic massage because her neck hurts and she's uncomfortable, have her do some neck rolls and slow stretches while you wash your hands (yes, you wash your hands before you do this).
Get comfortable, either her sitting on the floor in front of you or you standing behind her. Place your hands and palms alongside the base of her neck and *feel* with your thumbs along her spine, get a sense of how tense she is.
There should be some give to her skin, if she's really tense, it'll feel hard or you'll feel a lot of thin rope-like things under her skin - those are knots and, eventually, you'll want to work them out.
Go slow and let your fingers work with a pattern and rhythm. You'll need to develop a pattern and rhythm, if you're stuck for an idea, use the "Jeopardy Theme". The muscles won't relax after 10 seconds of you pounding on them. Take your time.
Massage isn't a one time thing. Pick up a good therapeutic massage book and learn some techniques (e.g. Swedish)
The main thing is to remember to *feel* her through your hands. Which sounds kind of dumb, but some guys apparently give massages like their kneading bread dough or tenderizing meat. That's a person you're working on there, slick.
She's an actual person capable of giving feedback so be aware of both verbal and non-verbal cues - if you're doing a good job on a therapeutic massage you'll get moments where she gets a 'good' kind of pain, one where a muscle is relaxing because you're working out a knot. That's a good thing.
But don't start digging in hard because that will turn the 'good' pain into the 'bad' pain.
Also, don't finish the massage cold turkey. Once you've finished working out the muscles do a minute or two where you're massaging an entire side of her back and neck with light to medium sweeps (open palms with firm slightly curved fingers). Don't just slap her back and go. Give her three light pats to let her know that you've finished.
btw - giving good neck / back massage is an excellent way to have her volunteer to take her top off for you. It makes it easier to work her lower neck.
There are some guy-related reasons for giving good neck and back massage.
Women with good range of motion in their neck and nice pliable shoulders give better head and can do so for longer periods of time before cramping up. So, you know, it's not like you're necessarily being entirely altruistic here
The last thing mentioned is muff diving. Every woman is different and my expertise is centered around my wife, but I'm, according to her, skilled, so that should count for something.
Here are some generalized ideas for guys:
Guys, get some technique:
1 - Rent some classic porn and watch John Leslie. He has a plan going in, you should to. Classic porn, in general, figure 82-89, tends to be better suited if you're thinking of incorporating stuff you see into stuff you do.
If you like you can watch porn involving lesbians as well as they, lesbians, can give you some technique ideas as well. That at least provides an excuse for watching lesbian porn, if you need an excuse.
2 - Forget about doing the alphabet with your tongue. Think 'SpiroGraph'
Also, think about what she's doing with her finger and/or vibrator and try to replicate those sensations, only make them stronger.
a. build up some tongue stamina and technique. Bite your lower lip and flick it like a speedbag with the tip of your tongue.
Now flick your tongue against your bit lower lip lightly, now harder, now really hard, now really lightly, now work your way from left to right, and right to left, and then rub your tongue across your lip.
Now do the same thing with your upper lip.
Now do the same thing biting more of your lip, now biting less ... hey, she's doing Kegels for your benefit, biting your lip and speedbagging it is the least you can do for her.
Eventually you'll learn how to control the pressure and speed of your tongue, which you'll need later on when you're trying to help her come. Because, in most cases men don't make women orgasm, they help women orgasm.
Being able to offer her more variety of sensations while she's trying to figure out what's going to trip her trigger ups the odds that she will.
(Though, she doesn't have to orgasm, women have the 'great sex even though I didn't come' thing going for them - my solution if it's clear that she's not going to come is to tell her that everything is okay and I'll come for the both of us.)
b. If possible, stay hard while eating her out. She'll like it if you can make the transition swiftly.
c. Grooming tip: Shave your chin - dry shave if you have to - in a pinch you can rub some hair conditioner on your chin and give yourself a close enough shave that you won't cause her pain.
If you can't shave, put your chin on your fingers so that your fingers are touching her.
d. Remember that part about doing what she does with her vibrator and/or fingers? Well, think about it. Better yet, ask her to touch herself in front of you with your cheek pressed against her thigh.
You'll get a pretty good idea of what to try and how much pressure she likes. If you want to have some fun, lick and kiss the back of her fingers as she's rubbing herself.
e. You've got one tongue and ten fingers. All of which can be used to stimulate her.
Much as you like it when she strokes your balls while sliding your cock in and out of her mouth, she might like it if you use your hands on her.
Here's the rub - you're trying to increase the stimulation so try these things:
1) spread her lips open with your fingers, but not like, you know, all stupid and guy-like. Take some care. Learn the anatomy, do some reconnoitering, know your way in and around by touch and tongue feel.
While you're getting acquainted with her pussy, use your fingers and do light but firm circles, sort of like an erotic spirograph while you're changing the gears - keep the same licking pattern with your tongue.
That changes the feeling (I'm told) but by keeping one thing the same and changing the other you're able to better lock in on what feels good to her that day and keep that going for her.
At which point your availabilty of lip and finger techniques will allow you to help her get farther down the path until such time she has an orgasm or two (or a hella lot)
A quick note on multiple orgasms - the commenter up thread mentioned 'eight'. Female orgasms are funny in that there are, like, 97 varieties. It's tough to know what's coming down the pike. She might not know until she's there.
I tend to go less by how many times she's orgasmed and more by how much time she spends from first orgasm to the last one.
We've been together long enough that I've noticed patterns - deep, really deep, quick and light, sharp and surprising - a whole host of things orgasm related that I, as a guy, just sort sit back and go 'hmmm, I guess that makes up for all the other crap women have to put up with' .
If you've got game and pay attention to her, you can (eventually) keep her in an orgasmic state (having one, building almost immediately towards another 'different' one, having that - changing spot and technique, tripping a surprise - to her - third one, going back to the first technique, which starts her building ... et cetera)
That can go on for a while, not hours, but longer than you, as a guy, would think.
Also, you know how sometimes she thinks that she should be moving her head reallyreallyreally fast while you're coming but it feels a lot better if she just held her position, sucked hard and slow and squeezed your balls really firmly - you can try that to. When she comes suck on her clit sort of firmly and slide your tongue up inside her, pull out slowly pressing against her toward her clit.
If she doesn't like that or wants something else, go with her. She's the one having an orgasm.
If it does work, then it might work *really big* - that that point you're along for the ride, keep your neck loose, go with her and don't let her bucking hips buck into your teeth.
How will you know if she's having an orgasm and does it matter?
Well, first off, it doesn't matter so long as the two (or more) of you are having fun.
If you're trying different things, having a good time, settled in for the long haul, et cetera, you'll know when she's working up to a big orgasm - you'll feel sort of a vibration in her hips on your arms, she'll buck, nipples will harden up more, and there'll be a host of reactions.
Mostly she'll not want you to stop and she may start giving you direction. Take her seriously but don't get all crazy stupid on her and "Try Everything In Rapid sequence" ... figure it out.
Think of it this way - if you have a really deep itch on your back and you ask your partner to scratch your back, and they keep just barely missing 'the spot' - really close, but no relief - that's what she's sort of going through. So work with her to find the spot - or the amount of pressure - or the dirty talk - or whateverthehell she needs to go.
Remember, you've got hand to help move her pussy around while you keep your tongue still. Try different techniques, side-to-side, one side only, rocking, pushing gently - just don't go nuts and do everything all at once. Give her some time to adjust.
If you can't figure out how much time to take on each technique, count silently backwards from '12' in the language you studied in highschool for each technique.
That should give her enough time to figure out if what you're doing will be enough for her.
Then again, sometimes if she's stuck on a plateau near her orgasm, just sliding up, fucking her good and hard for about a minute and then going back down on her does the trick. Don't worry, it doesn't turn you gay or even bicurious.
If she comes, she comes - but she might come more, potentially lots more. I've often had my wife coming so frequently that she's started to laugh coming off an orgasm and having a 'surprise' orgasm pop up, just before heading into one of those really deep ... 'ooohhhh fuuuckkkkkkk' ones.
So, figure out what works for her.
I have a decision here, too. It's this: I know from experience the following:
1 - She's a lot friskier if she comes once and we start fucking
2 - She's a lot sluttier if she comes three or four times (one or two deep, a couple of small ones) so we tend to try out more stuff.
Also, she'll be more likely to want to fuck again in a couple of hours if she's had a couple, but not too many.
3 - If the planets align, which happens a time or two a month, I can keep her coming so long and so deep that she's effectively 'come'd out' - by the time I finish oral she's just a completely limp twitching mess.
Which might sound like hyperbole, but it's not. The sex, for me, isn't that great because she's pretty non-responsive. Sure, she's twitching a lot inside and that feels nice, but she's sort of off in her own world for a while and I like her being with me while we fuck.
Generally I'll just hold her for about ten to fifteen minutes and eventually she'll work herself back into a 'okay, now fuck me' frame of mind. Which is, you know, fun.
But, alas, after one of those kind of times she's pretty much satiated and isn't as likely to jump my bones for a couple of days.
So, there are selfish decisions to make as well once her orgasms start, if they start.
You don't have much time at the time, so choose wisely.
So, why bother with any of this. As a guy, the upsides of being good with your hands and tongue as well as your cock are tremendous.
Trust me.
But start with learning to give a good foot massage.
Women really, really like that.
VIEW 11 of 11 COMMENTS
sureality:
I am so glad you enjoyed the new Alexsandria Shoot. Check out my journal for behind the scenes.
sioux:
prints are 8x10 and yes i will sign them :-)