chilung

Just one of those weekends.
In some ways I can say it was disappointing, lack of bigness, no sex , no cuddles , hell no nothing , but in other ways it was decent, but well... In explanation, at Charle's I'm getting a year old gathering, I was impressed by the sheer range of people the man knew, this is a man whose social skills are considerably more bizzare than mine, and that's saying a shitload, and even more disturbing, as of own free will, the groups interacted that for me is a very unusual gathering.

Now for the disheartening bit. Okay this couple walk in and I immediately notice the girl, she was tall, lanky, fantastic ink (lots of asian, particularly chinese influenced tats), shaved head, and had that something that I couldn't quite pin down which made her attractive or fascinating to me, I should have known, everytime I say this, and this is not to be nasty to anyone, it can apply to either men or women, people I find attractive or just fascinating in this way.

Eventually I get talking to the girl if merely for the fact she kind of wandered on over, the more I talked to her, the more I realised I was talking to one of the most fractured people I had ever met, and this is not me trying to be patronising.

This is a girl who had more trouble interacting with people, herself, her life and the world even more than I did, and didn't seem to have any other options on how she did it. She struggled through it all night, occasionally engaging in conversations (or trying to), and when she wasn't she gave off the impression that the person who she had finished the conversation with had disappointed her somehow, (later on in the night, her boy and her got into a bit of a punch up with him in front of everyone which she iniitiated. She then had a bit of a nervous breakdown). I've met people who have been more violent, less here, much less sane, much more dangerous but I just found it disheartening because when she mentioned she escaped from a pysch ward (possibly true), I couldn't help but think, are you certain you can deal with yourself let alone the rest of the world right now?

I hate thinking that. It left me in a bit of a state.

I know this sounds cheesy but the plight of most people (particularly self-created) doesn't concern me that much, but this rocked me on some levels. I hate seeing people who can't, and on some levels are never going to be able to connect, I know how that feels, and its frustrating, and lonely and worst of all you feel helpless, because if you don't have the tools how the hell can you change the circumstances, if you know it at all. She's just floating along. I want her to be able to connect, just so she has a chance, that's all. A fucking chance.

P.S. Once again to anyone who replied to my journal, thanks for the responses, they are appreciated.