chiken

Not sure if anyone's gonna read this, but...

Sometimes things come along and you just are in the right place at the right time. Life just clicks for you.

Yesterday, I went over to a party that had a Hoe-Down theme. First I stopped off at a lady friends house who I was going to have dinner with and then go to the party. I put on my ripped jeans, big black shit kicker boots, a cut off T-shirt and my Miller High Life hat. I looked the part. As soon as I got to my lady friends she got called into work. Shes a nurse and was on-call all weekend. Some poor bastard had to have an appendectomy. So my lady friend couldnt go to the party. There were a few people that I kind of know that were going to be there so I decided to go. My Lady friend dropped me off and I went to the house. In the front yard they had hay bales everywhere and in the center was a tarp and a shit load of mud.

A mud wrasslin pit.

You see where Im going with this?

As I walked up the driveway a loud CHICKEN!!!! was yelled from my fans. I was elected to be the official referee for the mud wrasslin matches. I grabbed a PBR and lit up a backwoods. The first match was between the 2 roommates that lived there. It was humorous and fairly short. The next match, which was completely my idea, was a 4 woman tag team match. 5 count fall, tap outs and touching a hay bale broke a hold. I was serious about this. All the years of watching wrestling were finally paying off. I took my boots off and rolled up my pants. I started the match and the girls went to town. I have to say I did think about all you married suckers when I was standing in a mud pit with four women in bikinis beating the snot out of each other on a sunday night. The match started out fairly light-hearted then all hell broke loose. All four girls were rolling around together, boobs were popping out, mud was flying, it was great!

So that match ends in a draw. I hose off the women and we start talking about the next match. (Having just typed that sentence and it being true makes me the coolest person you guys have ever met.) Two of the girls were not going to wrestle anymore and the other 2 didnt want to wrestle each other. Hmmmmmwhat to do.what.to.do.

Ill wrestle you said Chicken to the hot muddy bikini clad girls.

The one girl had mud in her eye and decided she couldnt continue, whilst the other younger and smokin hot one continued to do shots and talk friendly flirty trash to me.

I know how you married guys love to live through me, well buckle up. The hot girl and I start wrestling. She was a thoroughbred. Her body was fine fine fine fine. She only weighed about 110 pounds or so. She starts to try and take me down and I picked her up in a power-bomb position and set her down gently on her back in the mud. So then shes going crazy jumping all over me and Im not complaining. I give in and let her get me down in the mud where we rolled around for a while. She managed to get on my back and I grabbed her head pulled her body up on my shoulders where I proceeded to do a BA Billy Gun style drop into the mud. That got the crowd going. We rolled around a little more and I let her get me in some excellent positions. She finally says quietly to me let me get you down on your back. Inner chicken monologue: YES! YES! YES! YES! DO IT!

I let her flip me around and she jumps on me, with her legs on either side of my head and her naughty parts right in my face. YEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!

She just starts writhing around very sexually and I put up my hands in rock horn devil position. The ref counted three and I lost.

So now Im covered in mud from head-to-toe. I hosed off as good as I could and the group decided we should go out. I had to walk home, muddy and wet with my pants rolled up, boots on and a plastic bag with my wallet and stuff in it. I probably looked like a zombie. I get to my street and Im in the front yard when this cop pulls up and gets out of his car.

He says Soooo.

And Im like UmI was at this party and they had mud wrestling

I told him that I lived right there and he said something like with this job its somethin new every day. He laughed and asked if I was wrestling men or women and he was very pleased to hear that my opponents were 20 something women.

I showered and we went out to guidos. At the bar, the thoroughbred and I got a closer. We went to Tumble Inn and she proceeded to get rediculously drunk. So drunk in fact that she showed me about 88% of her body and some artsy pictures of herself on her digital camera. Unfortunately, she got too drunk and was convinced that by walking north on Niel street, she would get to John and First. I begged and pleaded with her to let me walk her the other way. She was convinced and would not be swayed. She got angry that I was telling her she was wrong and walked away from me. I stood there for a second and thought do I really want to be babysitting this girl? But I felt bad, so I went after her. She wouldnt listen to a word I was saying about going the wrong way. So I stopped a car full of people and told them to tell her that shes wrong, this really pissed her off so I just let her figure it out on her own and I walked home.

So yeah, now Im feeling really guilty about letting this totally drunk chick walk into the ghetto at 2 in the morning by herself. I sighed a fuck and walked back towards where she was going. I couldnt find her anywhere so I have no idea if she ever made it home or what.

Now today I feel bad, but what are you gonna do? I could tell this girl was not girlfriend material, but gall dang would it have been a wild ride.

All in all a fuckin awesome Sunday.

Mud wrestle a hot woman.Check!

I can die a happy man now, although Im still finding mud in some of my nooks and crannies.