I have contemplated on leaving modeling all together lately. A lot of it has to do with personal reasons, but the majority of it is the frustration I have come across. I keep trying to expand my portfolio and have tried multiple ways to reach out to people and work with new artist to make this happen...yet I'm met with the same crap in my inbox. So, I've decided to take a step back and reevaluate how I want to approach this.
Over some heavy thoughts, I have decided that I still enjoy being part of the SG community. Even though I am still a hopeful, I have met some pretty nifty people and I wouldn't change that for the world. That being said, modeling isn't going to be my biggest concern. I grew up an artist and with my life and drive for money, the artist in me has slowly sat in the corner and just waited for me to "have time". And I just never do. Something always takes priority...and I never really realized it until this past trip to Comic Con. I was talking to one of the artists and mentioned something about the style and medium he used. He continued to ask if I also was an artist and a sudden ridden of guilt just rushed over me and I replied..."not anymore". I felt disgusted that that could have been me sitting at any one of those panels, doing something that I really enjoy...and I'm not. I love piercing, don't get me wrong..and I don't plan on leaving that any time soon..or ever..but at the same time, there should be no reason why art isn't a part of my life.
So I have decided to pick up the camera and make the photos that no one else would make with me. I became more focused on just getting money for my shoots and not what it was really of. And that's not why I started modeling.
I have deleted my "modeling" Facebook account and just moved to my personal one. I've decided to move any "SG" like pictures solely to SG and use my IG more just selfies and small updates for things that I post on here. I've restricted my snapchat to only receiving from friends (because waking up to dick pix was just a morning ruiner...). I am ridding myself of negativity (yet, once again) and focusing on me and what I want to achieve.
So I am super excited...I have no clue where this will lead me and at this point, I don't really care..I'll deal with it when I get there. All I know is as soon as I made this decision, I felt a weight lift off my shoulder. I didn't feel like I had to perform for people and post things for their amusement. That I can be more myself and it will all be good. I just want to be my socially awkward, artsy self that makes way too many movie reference quotes and sings off key in her car.
This is my beginning to finding myself again..and I'm super excited to start..from the middle...
On that note, I just want to appreciate those that truly support me and have constantly posted sweet and supportive things on here. You guys are the real mvps <3 And I hope that you continue to enjoy my work and whatever my journey brings me!
