It's four in the morning right now... Sleep is not an option for me right now. I go through these insomniatic (I know its not a word screw you) stretches of time where days melt together and nights take forever... Its funny how life changes day to day, I never notice until these nights come and I am forced to sit alone and reflect... A friend called me earlier tonight, she wants to move with me and her boyfriend down to southern California. At the time I just said sure cool whatever, thinking about it now its a pretty damn big deal. I lived in Orange county for like two years and moved back to Sac to rebuild and gain my own identity, now that I have accomplished this mission am I really going to go back?
I don't know if its the fact that I am a chick or a Scorpio that makes me change with the winds I can never just sit still and let life lead me, I have to run every time life gets comfortable no matter how hard I try to be grounded, I can't fight the urge to flee... It really scares me sometimes because I think about whats going to happen one day when I can't run anymore, what then? Will that monstrous feeling in the pit of my stomach stay? Will it get worse? I see all these people day to day that hate their lives, some try and hide it but I can see it in their eyes... Is that what will happen to me?
I saw allot of old friends this past weekend and it made me think about how much has changed in the past year... How much I have changed... people I once thought I could never live without and now I choose to stay away, I don't know why. maybe I just don't want to look back at the person I was before... I have no regrets about my past it just hurts to remember sometimes...
I remember being young (younger than I am now) believing in things like love and people... I wish I could go back to the time when I trusted and loved...
Sometimes I sit alone and wish I were in a song... Everything is always perfect in music even when its a sad song... There is an innocence in music that I wish I had. Songs are always about eternal and undying love and the virtue of mankind. Like Lennon's Imagine or McCartney's Maybe I'm amazed, I wish people felt as deeply as these two men wrote. Some people do I know this but they are few and far between, think about all those people you pass by everyday who are only shells of people, their souls completely consumed with money and power and greed. Who will be top dog? It depresses me...
Well I think I will end this by saying thank you to everyone who took the time to read these thoughs on life of mine... Hope it wasn't depressing to anyone it was kinda uplifting for me, the piont of the matter is live life everyday and don't look back because you will miss what isn't there even if your better off without it... And remember life's motto "try eveything once even though there will be allot of things you probably will never do again" What else is there to live for?
I don't know if its the fact that I am a chick or a Scorpio that makes me change with the winds I can never just sit still and let life lead me, I have to run every time life gets comfortable no matter how hard I try to be grounded, I can't fight the urge to flee... It really scares me sometimes because I think about whats going to happen one day when I can't run anymore, what then? Will that monstrous feeling in the pit of my stomach stay? Will it get worse? I see all these people day to day that hate their lives, some try and hide it but I can see it in their eyes... Is that what will happen to me?
I saw allot of old friends this past weekend and it made me think about how much has changed in the past year... How much I have changed... people I once thought I could never live without and now I choose to stay away, I don't know why. maybe I just don't want to look back at the person I was before... I have no regrets about my past it just hurts to remember sometimes...
I remember being young (younger than I am now) believing in things like love and people... I wish I could go back to the time when I trusted and loved...
Sometimes I sit alone and wish I were in a song... Everything is always perfect in music even when its a sad song... There is an innocence in music that I wish I had. Songs are always about eternal and undying love and the virtue of mankind. Like Lennon's Imagine or McCartney's Maybe I'm amazed, I wish people felt as deeply as these two men wrote. Some people do I know this but they are few and far between, think about all those people you pass by everyday who are only shells of people, their souls completely consumed with money and power and greed. Who will be top dog? It depresses me...
Well I think I will end this by saying thank you to everyone who took the time to read these thoughs on life of mine... Hope it wasn't depressing to anyone it was kinda uplifting for me, the piont of the matter is live life everyday and don't look back because you will miss what isn't there even if your better off without it... And remember life's motto "try eveything once even though there will be allot of things you probably will never do again" What else is there to live for?
VIEW 13 of 13 COMMENTS
Thank you for your beautiful response...I think the hunt is on...I'll get the dogs...competition of the two...could you would you share a heart? Ever wonder why restlessness takes hold of your desires, and satisfaction cannot be had. Does the fantasy apply to the heart, to love, to the company of endless possibilities, but of divine emotional stability between the arms of honesty and trust, two pairs of hands covering the ecstacy while lips converge on spoken lust, trust, then bust, wipe away the rust from my hands, from my eyes, from my disguise from within another, a mate for my soul, a companion to share with my desire and possible care, fully selected ? There is some hidden meaning in them those words I wrote.