cherrylenses

I day-dream too much.
I think too much.
I say too much.
I consider open ended possibilities too much.
I think about things other people say too much.

I need to calm down.

And I'm telling HIM to calm down.

I want a giant canvas, 6 feet by 6 feet, and I want endless amounts of paint, a subject or thought to start from, and all the time I need to fill that canvas.

And I want it now.

I need to relieve some stress and painting a foam heart in scuplture just isn't cutting it. I've already repainted it four times.

WILL HE EVER STOP?!

So, today I was informed by a semi-reliable source that Brian, my most recent ex, taped us having sex. Now, I'm not saying this did happen or didn't happen, but there were plenty of opportunities for this to happen and he's completely capable of it (he's going to shoot me for saying that) and I think he would do it. He's saying that if he did, he'd definitely show me. Does he think I wouldn't destroy, or try to destroy, the tape if he showed me and if it did exist? I'm so SICK of his asking. I'm not going to tell him who told me. I refuse to. He can drive himself insane with asking if he wants, I'm not going to crack.

Then again, I might not crack the answer, but I might crack under the frustration of him asking me. it's a double edged sword, once again.

I've realised lately that at night, I'm a very different person than I am in the day. I'm more tense and wound up at night, which has led to chain smoking (i'm smoking all my money away ...)

I love it. That made my day. And I think I'm done now.