there are so many things i could say, but i have learned the hard way that i can't be too open and honest online. that's why my journals are so boring. you hardly ever hear the good stuff.
why do i hardly ever post anymore? because i set these rules. my work comes first. i've gotta get a certain amount of work done before i can relax and do something else. but there's usually not enough time left for the fun stuff, so i get way behind. sorry. about a year and a half ago, i lived on like a $60/week paycheck plus whatever i managed to make on ebay (if i ever got around to it) splitting an apt w/my bf. we both had drug habits and we both are not thieves, so you can imagine how shitty life was then. i'm trying to be more responsible nowadays. i am living with my family, which is very strange because i didn't even live with them while i was in high school. the only reason i'm still here is because i take care of my grandma so often, that it makes no sense to have an apt since i'd hardly ever be there. plus, my parents aren't strict, old-fashioned weirdos. they are cooler than most parents. but when i'm here, i don't feel like myself. i'm 25, i should have my own life and some privacy.
they went away for a couple days, so i'm here alone and i am taking the time to have a nice, selfish time for once.
last night i felt like the girl i was 6 years ago. i miss having fun. i drown myself in work and opiates and rarely go out anymore. i am one of the most fun people ever when i drink, and since i rarely drink i hardly ever get to see that fun side of me anymore. and nowadays, when i do drink it's by myself or just with my semi-boyfriend, so it kinda sucks.
i guess what this is all about is that i'm tired of this life i've been living for the past year. i haven't started the business i wanted, i've been spending all my time working to profit someone else's business. i rarely see friends or anyone close to my age. my fun is spent sewing or watching tv that i never really cared about ever before. boring. this isn't me.
why do i hardly ever post anymore? because i set these rules. my work comes first. i've gotta get a certain amount of work done before i can relax and do something else. but there's usually not enough time left for the fun stuff, so i get way behind. sorry. about a year and a half ago, i lived on like a $60/week paycheck plus whatever i managed to make on ebay (if i ever got around to it) splitting an apt w/my bf. we both had drug habits and we both are not thieves, so you can imagine how shitty life was then. i'm trying to be more responsible nowadays. i am living with my family, which is very strange because i didn't even live with them while i was in high school. the only reason i'm still here is because i take care of my grandma so often, that it makes no sense to have an apt since i'd hardly ever be there. plus, my parents aren't strict, old-fashioned weirdos. they are cooler than most parents. but when i'm here, i don't feel like myself. i'm 25, i should have my own life and some privacy.
they went away for a couple days, so i'm here alone and i am taking the time to have a nice, selfish time for once.
last night i felt like the girl i was 6 years ago. i miss having fun. i drown myself in work and opiates and rarely go out anymore. i am one of the most fun people ever when i drink, and since i rarely drink i hardly ever get to see that fun side of me anymore. and nowadays, when i do drink it's by myself or just with my semi-boyfriend, so it kinda sucks.
i guess what this is all about is that i'm tired of this life i've been living for the past year. i haven't started the business i wanted, i've been spending all my time working to profit someone else's business. i rarely see friends or anyone close to my age. my fun is spent sewing or watching tv that i never really cared about ever before. boring. this isn't me.