* apologies for the length... how on earth do you write about 9 years of experience in a short format?!
Hello!
I am alive! I've been very busy with working on a career in visual art, and it's been quite the ride so far. I have a lot I could talk about, and I really should try and post more often and share what I'm doing, but right now I'm here to talk about one thing.
In April I'm heading to London to shoot a lot of new sets! So there's soon going to be another influx of Cherry sets, so I hope you're excited about that.
Obviously, as I try to work on my art career I've been shooting less for Suicide Girls (there was a time when I was shooting 60-100 sets a year!). You may be wondering why I'm talking about this now, and well it's this:
This year will mark my 9th year as an official SuicideGirls photographer.
Right as I'm heading to the UK to stock up on some photos of beautiful ladies, I will 'turn' 9 years of age as a staff photographer ^_^
I was only the 2nd 'remote' photographer (as we were called back then - Sean and Missy being the HQ photographers). London was the first and I was terribly proud to be counted as good enough to be made staff. Even now whenever I see a new photographer join the ranks I remember how special it felt and how exciting it all was.
My life has changed so dramatically since the young, obnoxious punk I was in early 2004. I just read some of my journal entries from that time, and it really is quite embarrassing. We like to remember ourselves as always being sophisticated grown ups with a good vocabulary (well, at least I do!). It's just not the case at all! It was as if I were reading a stranger's internet journal of which I have vague-dream-like memories of events and people, and places.
I couldn't even begin to talk about all of the life lessons I've learned in the past 9 years. It has been quite the bumpy ride with many dizzying heights and many dark lows.
As for working as a staff photographer for so long... My photography alone went through some great changes, as my aesthetics and skill changed and evolved. I remember the things I wanted to get from my photography in the beginning - so different to everything I've been striving to achieve in the last few years.
And of course the technology has come so far! The equipment I was shooting with in the beginning just doesn't even come close to what is available now. Although I have never had the very 'top-end' equipment as I've always been of the opinion that it shouldn't be necessary! A workman is only ever as good as his tools is only true in a limited sense. Yes, you need good tools, but there are some things where you don't need the *best*
Even now, the camera I'm using is 4 years old. I've only had 3 different digital SLRs in the 9 years I've been working for SuicideGirls, and the 10 years I've worked as a professional photographer. I imagine there are some photographers who go through that in 3 years!
I'm getting a little off track here, but I do want to (try and) conclude by saying that so many of the people I've worked with at SuicideGirls have guided me, supported me and inspired me no end. There have been times when I have thought I no longer wanted to take photos of pretty girls, and it has always been these people that stop me from quitting. Sean especially hasn't let me quit, despite several attempts since about 2006 (; He is a great boss and I couldn't have asked for anyone more intelligent and down-to-earth during my experience with SG. He's been encouraging and supportive like no other. I feel lucky to have worked with him and the rest of the SG team for so long. I learned a lot from Sean both in the early days and over the years about how to be more professional, and how to see and understand the business side of creative work. Now he always tells me how much he's learned from me. I feel very lucky to have such reciprocal relationships!
And of course, over the years, there have been so many other members of staff and my peers who have inspired me and guided me to get better and better. Some are still here and continue to inspire me and some have since moved on, but lets see if I can remember everyone who has influenced my work here at SG:
Missy
Erin
Mike
Albertine
Bee
Sawa
CourtneyRiot
Oryx
Rigel
Alissa
Radeo
Sash
ViquiV
Vermelho
Dwam
P_Mod
Hopefully I have remembered all of those most influential to me that I've been lucky enough to work alongside over the years. They are actually in some kind of chronological order believe it or not!
And of course, I'm continuously inspired and motivated by all of my fellow SG photographers... seeing the amazing work they produce pushes me to keep giving my best on every single set I shoot.
It took me many years of practise, but I can now say that I think I am a pretty consistent photographer for SG. A good proportion of my time as a photographer I produced some definite misses, and let both myself and the models down. However, I finally feel in the last 3 years or so that I can reliably produce what is required of me, and sometimes (with luck) even better.
Now I suppose it's that my 'misses' are not quite so terrible. It has been a long road full of a lot of hard work for me to get here, and I hope what I say above doesn't sound 'braggy' or any other such terrible ego-centric thing. Mostly, I just want to share how far I have come in my journey and how through so much hard work on my own, and through opportunities provided by SG I think I have actually achieved some kind of success; if only on my own scale and of my own expectations of my photos.
I remember back to the hundreds of hours I'd spend on trains, sleeping on couches, in airports and even outside train stations (yes really) to get to shoots all up and down the UK. My journey began in Wales, took me through a life in London and Scotland, and throughout those first 4 years I spent much of my time on the road; the rest of it was spent in front of photoshop. In 2007 when I emigrated to Canada I thought that might be the end of shooting for SG for sure. Things were changing with the site, I was having far more misses than hits in my sets and I was too short-sighted to see how I needed to change and evolve my 'style' and methods. A year later and some strong encouragement from HQ and I was able to begin my travels again; this time all over the US. More sleeping in airports and on couches and trains, and I wouldn't go back and do it any differently!
I have been lucky enough to meet and shoot literally hundreds of SGs. I stopped counting a few years ago, but my last count in around 2008 I had met something like 200 SuicideGirls. I have probably met another 100 since then. I've worked with nearly every SuicideGirl I have met, and countless 'SG Hopefuls' too - many who made it and some who didn't. At my last count of sets in my archives (including all rejected or un-purchased sets) I'd shot something like 600 sets. I think this was around 2009ish. My shooting has slowed down greatly since then, but perhaps one day I'll be able to do a final tally? Only time will tell.
Lastly, THANK YOU, loyal members, and fellow SGs who have supported me over the years. We wouldn't be here without you. I truly wish I could list all of the people who have touched my life greatly through this opportunity of being a SuicideGirl photographer, but I have already been writing for an hour, and I have a few sets to clear out of my backlog before I leave for London in 2 weeks.
I love my job working for SuicideGirls. It has been one of the most valuable and rewarding experiences of my entire life. It has taken up nearly my entire adulthood so far, and I wouldn't change it for the world.
<3
From the very first set I shot:
What had become known as the 'Cherry Shot' before we worked on the first SG set-based Movie: "Italian Villa" and where I dorkily mention it in my interview because Mike made me:
(Interesting note: that set of Akemi's became quite an important one in my early SG Photographer history - Sean emailed me the day after I sent this set in and all it said was 'one day you'll be too famous to shoot for SuicideGirls and we will beg you and beg you to shoot for us'. While this never quite happened, Sean has begged me to shoot on a few occasions (; But the point is, that was the first time in my life that I felt that I had value and that I could do something successful).
And finally, a couple of sneak peeks from upcoming sets:
Mel:
Chad:
Hello!
I am alive! I've been very busy with working on a career in visual art, and it's been quite the ride so far. I have a lot I could talk about, and I really should try and post more often and share what I'm doing, but right now I'm here to talk about one thing.
In April I'm heading to London to shoot a lot of new sets! So there's soon going to be another influx of Cherry sets, so I hope you're excited about that.
Obviously, as I try to work on my art career I've been shooting less for Suicide Girls (there was a time when I was shooting 60-100 sets a year!). You may be wondering why I'm talking about this now, and well it's this:
This year will mark my 9th year as an official SuicideGirls photographer.
Right as I'm heading to the UK to stock up on some photos of beautiful ladies, I will 'turn' 9 years of age as a staff photographer ^_^
I was only the 2nd 'remote' photographer (as we were called back then - Sean and Missy being the HQ photographers). London was the first and I was terribly proud to be counted as good enough to be made staff. Even now whenever I see a new photographer join the ranks I remember how special it felt and how exciting it all was.
My life has changed so dramatically since the young, obnoxious punk I was in early 2004. I just read some of my journal entries from that time, and it really is quite embarrassing. We like to remember ourselves as always being sophisticated grown ups with a good vocabulary (well, at least I do!). It's just not the case at all! It was as if I were reading a stranger's internet journal of which I have vague-dream-like memories of events and people, and places.
I couldn't even begin to talk about all of the life lessons I've learned in the past 9 years. It has been quite the bumpy ride with many dizzying heights and many dark lows.
As for working as a staff photographer for so long... My photography alone went through some great changes, as my aesthetics and skill changed and evolved. I remember the things I wanted to get from my photography in the beginning - so different to everything I've been striving to achieve in the last few years.
And of course the technology has come so far! The equipment I was shooting with in the beginning just doesn't even come close to what is available now. Although I have never had the very 'top-end' equipment as I've always been of the opinion that it shouldn't be necessary! A workman is only ever as good as his tools is only true in a limited sense. Yes, you need good tools, but there are some things where you don't need the *best*
Even now, the camera I'm using is 4 years old. I've only had 3 different digital SLRs in the 9 years I've been working for SuicideGirls, and the 10 years I've worked as a professional photographer. I imagine there are some photographers who go through that in 3 years!
I'm getting a little off track here, but I do want to (try and) conclude by saying that so many of the people I've worked with at SuicideGirls have guided me, supported me and inspired me no end. There have been times when I have thought I no longer wanted to take photos of pretty girls, and it has always been these people that stop me from quitting. Sean especially hasn't let me quit, despite several attempts since about 2006 (; He is a great boss and I couldn't have asked for anyone more intelligent and down-to-earth during my experience with SG. He's been encouraging and supportive like no other. I feel lucky to have worked with him and the rest of the SG team for so long. I learned a lot from Sean both in the early days and over the years about how to be more professional, and how to see and understand the business side of creative work. Now he always tells me how much he's learned from me. I feel very lucky to have such reciprocal relationships!
And of course, over the years, there have been so many other members of staff and my peers who have inspired me and guided me to get better and better. Some are still here and continue to inspire me and some have since moved on, but lets see if I can remember everyone who has influenced my work here at SG:
Missy
Erin
Mike
Albertine
Bee
Sawa
CourtneyRiot
Oryx
Rigel
Alissa
Radeo
Sash
ViquiV
Vermelho
Dwam
P_Mod
Hopefully I have remembered all of those most influential to me that I've been lucky enough to work alongside over the years. They are actually in some kind of chronological order believe it or not!
And of course, I'm continuously inspired and motivated by all of my fellow SG photographers... seeing the amazing work they produce pushes me to keep giving my best on every single set I shoot.
It took me many years of practise, but I can now say that I think I am a pretty consistent photographer for SG. A good proportion of my time as a photographer I produced some definite misses, and let both myself and the models down. However, I finally feel in the last 3 years or so that I can reliably produce what is required of me, and sometimes (with luck) even better.
Now I suppose it's that my 'misses' are not quite so terrible. It has been a long road full of a lot of hard work for me to get here, and I hope what I say above doesn't sound 'braggy' or any other such terrible ego-centric thing. Mostly, I just want to share how far I have come in my journey and how through so much hard work on my own, and through opportunities provided by SG I think I have actually achieved some kind of success; if only on my own scale and of my own expectations of my photos.
I remember back to the hundreds of hours I'd spend on trains, sleeping on couches, in airports and even outside train stations (yes really) to get to shoots all up and down the UK. My journey began in Wales, took me through a life in London and Scotland, and throughout those first 4 years I spent much of my time on the road; the rest of it was spent in front of photoshop. In 2007 when I emigrated to Canada I thought that might be the end of shooting for SG for sure. Things were changing with the site, I was having far more misses than hits in my sets and I was too short-sighted to see how I needed to change and evolve my 'style' and methods. A year later and some strong encouragement from HQ and I was able to begin my travels again; this time all over the US. More sleeping in airports and on couches and trains, and I wouldn't go back and do it any differently!
I have been lucky enough to meet and shoot literally hundreds of SGs. I stopped counting a few years ago, but my last count in around 2008 I had met something like 200 SuicideGirls. I have probably met another 100 since then. I've worked with nearly every SuicideGirl I have met, and countless 'SG Hopefuls' too - many who made it and some who didn't. At my last count of sets in my archives (including all rejected or un-purchased sets) I'd shot something like 600 sets. I think this was around 2009ish. My shooting has slowed down greatly since then, but perhaps one day I'll be able to do a final tally? Only time will tell.
Lastly, THANK YOU, loyal members, and fellow SGs who have supported me over the years. We wouldn't be here without you. I truly wish I could list all of the people who have touched my life greatly through this opportunity of being a SuicideGirl photographer, but I have already been writing for an hour, and I have a few sets to clear out of my backlog before I leave for London in 2 weeks.
I love my job working for SuicideGirls. It has been one of the most valuable and rewarding experiences of my entire life. It has taken up nearly my entire adulthood so far, and I wouldn't change it for the world.
<3
From the very first set I shot:
What had become known as the 'Cherry Shot' before we worked on the first SG set-based Movie: "Italian Villa" and where I dorkily mention it in my interview because Mike made me:
(Interesting note: that set of Akemi's became quite an important one in my early SG Photographer history - Sean emailed me the day after I sent this set in and all it said was 'one day you'll be too famous to shoot for SuicideGirls and we will beg you and beg you to shoot for us'. While this never quite happened, Sean has begged me to shoot on a few occasions (; But the point is, that was the first time in my life that I felt that I had value and that I could do something successful).
And finally, a couple of sneak peeks from upcoming sets:
Mel:
Chad:
VIEW 25 of 80 COMMENTS
aerion:
So grateful I was able to shoot with you. You made me a Suicide Girl!!!! Lots of love. Hope you are feeling better.
mikeygauges:
Keep up the good work and know you never need the best or newest equipment to achieve a great photograph (consider Gordon Parks, Ed Clark or Mathew Brady) Life is made up of trillions of frames and thank you for capturing so many.