cherry

It's been distressing me that this might not be like this forever. So I feel I have to document it; but not in the usual way that the natural world is documented. I have this uncontrollable need to record the emotion that these places make me feel. To really save how it looks and feels to be in that space at that time. There's no use in only keeping track of all the basic elements that make up a forest, or the ocean or the mountains. Future generations will never know the strength these places have if the documentation is purely factual. I'm certainly not the only person doing this; all you have to do is look at some of the National Geographic work to see the emotion and power nature has over a human being. But right now, more than ever, I just urgently feel I have to record the effect the natural world is having on me.

Perhaps it's because I've always felt this strong affinity to bodies of water and forests and open fields. I'm sure a part of it is that it's always been my escape as long as I can remember: Hiding in fields and the woods near my house when things were hardest at home. Skipping school and sitting under the giant oak tree that was over 600 years old. Just a few of the best memories I have from my childhood.

Recently I find myself like I was when I was a child - needing to breathe in that air like I'll never get to breathe it again. Wondering along paths and really being aware of all the sensations, sounds and smells around me.

I've often taken photos, but I've usually never shared them or really even looked at them again. With this newly emerged urgency (that feels like it's verging on a sort of panic), I just have to catalog and share it, somehow. I don't really know how yet, except for places like this.













I'm really lucky to live where I do. I've lived in and seen some of the most beautiful places, but there's just something about the nature here that really pulls me in. The natural world has always had a kind of power over humans and it's really interesting to think that I can really mark its effect throughout my life. It's been my one constant influence and strength. It's been the one place I can always feel safe in the knowledge that it doesn't matter what I've been dealing with I can feel renewed.








My birthday wasn't so terrifying after all. It turns out that I can get myself so worked up about something that by the time the day arrives it's fairly surprising how calm I take it. Of course, whenever I stop to think about being '30' it freaks me out a bit, but otherwise what has really changed? A good part of my 20s passed by in such a daze that I'm not surprised that 30 came along and shocked me into submission.

There's literally no point looking back and wishing away all that time that I feel was 'wasted'. After all, it seems I've come to realise that it's all just a bit ridiculous. I'm sure that part of my fear at this point is pure vanity, anyway. I regularly insisted that I wasn't very vain but when it comes down to it - we are all vain. Don't believe anyone that tells you differently. Sure, vanity comes and goes, but it's still part of us.

Don't worry, it's not turning 30 that has made me need to flee to the forest so much. The only reason I mentioned that in this post was because it was really interesting to see some of your replies to my worries about it.

Really, life is better than it ever has been for me right now. It's strange to type that when I've been feeling down so much lately, but I know that those feelings are only a result of physical pain. Which, if that's all I have to deal with I shouldn't complain. But, saying this, it's amazing what constant, terrible pain can do to your emotions. It's made me a bit of a wreck in a few ways and I think that totally took me by surprise.

I've always thought of myself as a strong person both physically and emotionally. As far as I can remember I've done everything myself. But feeling weak, and being reminded of my limitations is just so frustrating.

Not least because it is taking so much longer to improve than I ever thought was possible. The only physical thing I can do is walking and so I've been doing as much of that as I can, but it's not enough. Well, I am doing my best to stay positive and work hard at re-strengthening things.

I am just so glad for my surroundings and my closest friends; both nearby and far away.