cherry

Some more feasts for your eyes...







The stories are there but they're hidden away for a while. Sometimes I don't feel like sharing them.

Otherwise, something made me think a few hours ago... I don't really get much inspiration from other photographers. Sure, the odd photograph here and there makes me feel like I need to learn to do something that good, but otherwise nothing.

I find myself getting more inspiration from stories, books, cinema and the visual world around me. I don't know if that's strange. I've never been the sort of photographer that can name other photographers as inspiration or as my favourite photographers.

I am also, often more inspired and pushed by the odd photograph that amateur or unknown photographers create. It's interesting to me to realise I think this way but I'm not sure how to grasp it or use it to my advantage.

Perhaps I should spend more time researching other photographers and looking at their work? I don't really know, so much of my time is taken up with reading, looking out the window and daydreaming. Ha!

Along side this I think I am finally starting to develop a style that I'm comfortable with. I don't think I've ever really had a style before (you only have to look through my SG sets to see the vast differences between them as I try to come to grips with aesthetics) and perhaps that was my advantage for a while (I could tailor each set I shot to suit the girl and her idea), but I don't think I can subsist like that now.

I took a break from shooting SG sets for the past few months. If I'm not mistaken the last set I actually shot was Glitch's hopscotch set. I've had a few in reserve that I've been submitting in the meantime but since then I haven't done anything. It was for many reasons, and I've named some of them before. A big part of it was my rejection rate and the helplessness of it all. Another part is not being able to afford to replace my lighting equipment for so long. But tied into all that I felt I really needed to step back and find out who I am as a photographer.

Through several years of working for SG and having to change this and that about the way I worked in order to make money and get sets accepted (It's been 4 years now) I felt that I'd somehow lost focus of what I was doing and who I am.

I used to take on a lot of other photography work. I used to photograph bands and stuff for clothing stores and even some fetish work. I dropped it all to focus on SG because I was travelling up and down the UK and shooting 15-30 sets a month at one point. Don't get me wrong, I am not resentful at all. But, I did what I had to in order to make a living out of it.

It soon became less profitable as the competition increased and that was okay with me. It's allowed me to step back and take a break for a while. Regroup, as it were.

So, where am I going with all this rambling?

I think I finally finished regaining control of myself and I really feel as if I have a visual style developing and growing. I finally feel like I can describe what I try to create rather than just some lame "capturing moments" crap that I used to say. It's always been so much more than that but I think I sold myself short and probably only because I couldn't put it all into words.

Recently, many people have been commenting about certain photos reminding them of certain films. I even received a few emails from complete strangers (and different people) asking if I have ever thought of directing motion photography. They were the biggest compliments I have ever received.

You see, it was about 10-12 months ago that I first realised that the way I see things is cinematic in a way. It is also very much the way I remember things. And my photographs are definitely the visual and physical tie to my own personal and deep memories. I have always been so turned on by good cinema and one would assume that it is all aspects of the cinematic experience that contribute to that, but I find myself so often enthralled when the motion is paused and I am looking at one split second that the director's vision created.

For me, it is because it is two things; it is both fiction and reality at the same time. A fictional truth.

This is what I believe I am trying to do with my photography. I want to take the truth, the reality of the situation and embellish it. I want to amplify the things in that scene that so many people miss because they are too subtle or too fleeting. The result is often cinematic and rich and I am so pleased when it turns out the way I dreamed. These most recent photos are the closest I feel I've come to realising this goal. I look back at my old work and I can see myself struggling with the concept and almost being there.

Of course, nothing is perfect and I'm not ready to stop learning and improving any time soon. Right now, though, I feel like I have a direction and a purpose. I feel like I really know where I'm going with this. Finally.

For this reason I cannot wait to get back to shooting SG sets. I want to see where my new found direction and self-awareness takes me. I want to see if I really do have a style that I have spent a long time working out.

And this brings me neatly back to the beginning. Is it weird that I don't look to other photographers for inspiration? I'm not sure. But I do know that losing myself in books and the world outside has awakened something in me that I thought I'd lost...

Hello, imagination. Thank heavens I didn't grow up and loose you just yet.

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Thanks to Amina, I finally have a prints store. There will be more work added along the way, but I know it is what many have been waiting for and not being restricted to the prints I offer for limited times.

K I N O T R O P I A