"k yall. Posting it on Facebook Which makes it as official as it comes. For 2011, I Swear I will not take any medication not prescribed to me and in doses larger than started in the label, plus I will keep my drinking to a limited moderation. I realize that most of the bad that took place in the latter half of 2011 I could've avoided, and I don't want keep making these mistakes.Y'all know my will power, let's do it."
So this is my first real post of 2011, and I can't stress how serious and wholeheartedly I mean those words. It's strange to me. When life didn't seem to be going anywhere all I wanted was to live my old partying getting trashed life because damnitall, that's where all the fun was.
Welllll....I'd apparently allowed myself to go back there, and for some reason also didn't allow myself to see that it was being done. I can honestly, without a doubt now say I don't miss those days.
So this Monthly Musing I want to write to all the people that I've hurt, both Inadvertently or even directly, for the actions I took while continuing on my downward spiral. It was a spiral that didn't make sense because it wasn't necessary. I have a great home, I have my job, and it's now a permanent fixture in my life (as much as a job can be perm), I have amazing friends and a great support structure.
There was absolutely NO reason for this. And I'm not about to make excuses to anyone. I will make a promise that it ends here and now though.
Nothing really to do with it becoming 2011, outside of a funny sense of timing, and I guess that's how we're built, to look at things in units of time, even when really it's immeasurable. 2010 sucked ass (for the most part) I won't say it didn't have some high points to it, I got to do some amazing things, and I've met such incredible people this past year, that I would never say I wanted to take it all back. But there was a decent bit of hardships too, and for some psychologically screwed up factoid, those moments are the ones that impact us and stay at the forefront of our thoughts the easiest.
But 2011 I have to make different. I really really am so sorry for anything I had done to cause any of the hardships and pain toward anyone this past year (and namely these past couple months during my "Tour of Self Destruction" And I can also say I have never done anything deserving of a second (in some instances more) chance, and if that is the case, I am so very fortunate. I also can't say I'll make it up to everyone. It's not actually possible, and I don't want to clich all of this. I will do my best to be a better person toward everyone, and try to make all the experiences I can better, and maybe that will repair some of the damages, but that's all I can reasonably ask for.
There are so many of you guys that I really do love and cherish, and I don't really let you guys know that enough. Which is sad, because I talk. A lot. About ALL sorts of different crap. And I like doing things for and with you all, but I don't actually believe I've really ever explained just how much you guys mean to me, and the last piece of the "Im a douchbag" puzzle I would want to add to everything is for you guys to think I don't appreciate you. You all are what made me who I am, and make me want to keep striving to be a better person.
I'm not going into individual names here for privacy reasons, but I've seen people battle personal life changing illness, deaths of all varieties, joblessness, homelessness, child problems, marital problems, non-marital relationship crisises...the works. And I have tried to be there when I can for who I can, and I know one persons contribution doesn't solve anything, it takes time, faith, and much more, but I want to say that seeing you guys go through these things, and going through the things I have this past year (If you need details on the current state of events and I haven't told you, just let me know and I'll fill you in) You, as my friends, put me in such a constant state of awe, it's what makes me want to just do the impossible, so that I can show you guys what I am actually capable of. Thus the start of the now Official Business admin degree. The turning of Josh Marshall Photography into a real business, and hopefully, possibly god willing in this year, a business with a physical address, the pursuit of my stage play, and the beginnings and rumblings of a small restaurant. I want to make this happen, so that you guys can look at me and be as proud to have me as a friend as I do to have you.
So, like I said in the intro. The games, the spiral, the....absolute bullshit I was turning my name and my life into. It stops here. I can't let it continue like it had been going. I don't want to lose any more of you than I possibly already have. I know I said it before, but hold on tight, it's time for an Adventure.
Love you all, from the very bottom of my heart. Know how true I really mean that.
-Josh
So this is my first real post of 2011, and I can't stress how serious and wholeheartedly I mean those words. It's strange to me. When life didn't seem to be going anywhere all I wanted was to live my old partying getting trashed life because damnitall, that's where all the fun was.
Welllll....I'd apparently allowed myself to go back there, and for some reason also didn't allow myself to see that it was being done. I can honestly, without a doubt now say I don't miss those days.
So this Monthly Musing I want to write to all the people that I've hurt, both Inadvertently or even directly, for the actions I took while continuing on my downward spiral. It was a spiral that didn't make sense because it wasn't necessary. I have a great home, I have my job, and it's now a permanent fixture in my life (as much as a job can be perm), I have amazing friends and a great support structure.
There was absolutely NO reason for this. And I'm not about to make excuses to anyone. I will make a promise that it ends here and now though.
Nothing really to do with it becoming 2011, outside of a funny sense of timing, and I guess that's how we're built, to look at things in units of time, even when really it's immeasurable. 2010 sucked ass (for the most part) I won't say it didn't have some high points to it, I got to do some amazing things, and I've met such incredible people this past year, that I would never say I wanted to take it all back. But there was a decent bit of hardships too, and for some psychologically screwed up factoid, those moments are the ones that impact us and stay at the forefront of our thoughts the easiest.
But 2011 I have to make different. I really really am so sorry for anything I had done to cause any of the hardships and pain toward anyone this past year (and namely these past couple months during my "Tour of Self Destruction" And I can also say I have never done anything deserving of a second (in some instances more) chance, and if that is the case, I am so very fortunate. I also can't say I'll make it up to everyone. It's not actually possible, and I don't want to clich all of this. I will do my best to be a better person toward everyone, and try to make all the experiences I can better, and maybe that will repair some of the damages, but that's all I can reasonably ask for.
There are so many of you guys that I really do love and cherish, and I don't really let you guys know that enough. Which is sad, because I talk. A lot. About ALL sorts of different crap. And I like doing things for and with you all, but I don't actually believe I've really ever explained just how much you guys mean to me, and the last piece of the "Im a douchbag" puzzle I would want to add to everything is for you guys to think I don't appreciate you. You all are what made me who I am, and make me want to keep striving to be a better person.
I'm not going into individual names here for privacy reasons, but I've seen people battle personal life changing illness, deaths of all varieties, joblessness, homelessness, child problems, marital problems, non-marital relationship crisises...the works. And I have tried to be there when I can for who I can, and I know one persons contribution doesn't solve anything, it takes time, faith, and much more, but I want to say that seeing you guys go through these things, and going through the things I have this past year (If you need details on the current state of events and I haven't told you, just let me know and I'll fill you in) You, as my friends, put me in such a constant state of awe, it's what makes me want to just do the impossible, so that I can show you guys what I am actually capable of. Thus the start of the now Official Business admin degree. The turning of Josh Marshall Photography into a real business, and hopefully, possibly god willing in this year, a business with a physical address, the pursuit of my stage play, and the beginnings and rumblings of a small restaurant. I want to make this happen, so that you guys can look at me and be as proud to have me as a friend as I do to have you.
So, like I said in the intro. The games, the spiral, the....absolute bullshit I was turning my name and my life into. It stops here. I can't let it continue like it had been going. I don't want to lose any more of you than I possibly already have. I know I said it before, but hold on tight, it's time for an Adventure.
Love you all, from the very bottom of my heart. Know how true I really mean that.
-Josh
I wish you a happy and productive 2011!