chemicallylost

upon the realization of the direction my life is headed i have decided not to come clean completely but to merely slow the flow of the self-destructive path i have begun to travel down. Eventually i know that i will break lose from these chains that bind me. These chains include physical and pyschological addiction to every chemical substance that produces a the false state of happiness i am forced to be content with. Hopefully my depressed state of mind will also be forgotten somewhere along the way. And i will once again return to the happy child of younger years. This child was lost at some point and has returned only on those few occassions we i find myself so close to the calming death of an overdose. Upon recuperating that happy child was gone again. I refuse to believe that i am at a turning point in my life. This is merely to aknowledge that there will be one. if this is the crossroads of my life it is safe to say that i am choosing the "wrong way". however at this point in my life the "right way" seems too boring, too dull, or possibly just to safe. I have no idea how this decision will workout for me in the long run. Only time will tell. I dont not have alot of time so i am unsure if this question will ever be truthfully answered. With all this said i must return to my normal wednesday evening routine of opaites and jagermeister. goodbye all.