So, my grandma is still able to hear what we are saying, but can bearly respond or speak. She is very very close.....hours. She looks like shit and just randomly makes movements with her body. She seems like she is in pain. I have been there all day long. I am sick right now too, so that isnt helping anything. At least my employer gave me the day off so I can sleep in.....Oh, how I miss that.
I defenately feel complete with her and I have talked to her and told her how much she means to me. I guess at this point its just draining waiting for her to die. It may sound fucked up, but I just wish she would let go and get it over with. Not that I want her to die, but its inevitable....she now has Gangreen(i dunno if thats spelled correctly). I just think at this point its making the family too stressed out, just waiting.
I think that if I wasn't feeling sick and all body-achy, then I would be able to handle this whole thing better. But, on a funnier note, my uncle gave me a joint today because one of my grandma's friends grows and she gave her like a pound or something crazy. My grandma didn't like it though....made her too paranoid.
I defenately feel complete with her and I have talked to her and told her how much she means to me. I guess at this point its just draining waiting for her to die. It may sound fucked up, but I just wish she would let go and get it over with. Not that I want her to die, but its inevitable....she now has Gangreen(i dunno if thats spelled correctly). I just think at this point its making the family too stressed out, just waiting.
I think that if I wasn't feeling sick and all body-achy, then I would be able to handle this whole thing better. But, on a funnier note, my uncle gave me a joint today because one of my grandma's friends grows and she gave her like a pound or something crazy. My grandma didn't like it though....made her too paranoid.
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that's really sad. i went through this a few years ago with my grandmother. now, my grandfather is going the other way, and giving out mentally, slowly and piece by piece, which is really hard to watch, not least of all because he sort of. . . brought me up. somehow it's gotten easier to deal with than it was when the decline first started though- i'm kind of the family tower of strength, so i've spent the last few weeks keeping everyone together, and now of course i'm worn out- but accepting that what will be will be. the main thing, i guess, is memories. those are what you hold onto. even after the person is long gone.
take care of yourself.