Alright so where the fuck do I begin? I know that I lost my old account sometime in December because fuck-face took it from me. OH! lol he blocked me on facebook which is freaking hilarious. so did this girl named buffy/sarah who i'll be talking about later on. after i broke up w/ ex-fag i started hanging out w/ this girl buffy cuz she lives on my dorm floor, she was cool at first but after the first week i kinda started realizing what kind of person she is. she's psycho, big headed, thinks shes the hottest thing in the world, thinks she knows celebrities, used to be suicidal (people if you're going to kill yourself get it done the first or second time, anytime after that its pretty much a cry for attention, dont be a pussy, if u wanna kill yourself then do it and do it right)
sigh
shes an attention whore, she has a bf in iraq right now and when we started hanging out she cheated on him all the time w/ random guys and it pissed me off. anyway, it pissed me off bc i told her boyfriend that i'd watch over her when we went out, so i felt like it was my fault that she was making out w/ random guys, but it really wasnt, she didnt have self respect/control so why is it my problem? it isnt.
anyway, the first time we partied together was over winter break, after xmas, i was single, she called me and id drove to carmel and hung w/ a shit load of people and i met guys brian, jason, nick, luke, seth, zach, monty, and thats it. as soon as i saw brian i thought he was freaking hottttt.
that night before he leaves we talked a little bit, he pulled some cheesy line and asked for my number so i gave it to him, well he texted me later on during break. we started talking, i went to steak n shake w/ him and nick.
btw, jason and brian are twin brothers.
so while this is going on, being the playa that i am, i had this guy dallas, from the 6th floor here after me, i was hanging w/ him, total emo. he lives near michigan, and ended up driving all the way down to noblesville on new years to party w/ his friend adam, whose party i was at (there were so many people there it fucking rocked)
anyway dallas surprises me, we end up sucking on each others faces all night. that starts this thing that ends up blowing up a few weeks ago.
its hard to balance two guys at the same time, on one hand i had dallas, my boy toy, and on the other hand i had this guy brian who i really wanted to get to know and get with.
so i end up trying not to lead dallas on, a month goes by.......all we do is fool around and he really likes me, i end up telling him i wanted to be just friends......he blows up, we stop talking. brian, jason, luke come up to party w/ me one weekend, we go to dgi, dallas sees me w/ brian and says shit aobut me and my roommate hears him and blows up at him. nevada ends up finding me, tells me the shit he says, the guys get pissed and want to fight him, follow me upstairs, i see dallas on the couch so i tell the guys to stay back so i can talk to him, it goes like this:
me: you wanna do me a favor?
him: no
me: next time you have shit to say about me say it to my face
him: it doesnt have shit to do with you, but now i know why you dont have shit to do with me, its because you like BRIAN
me: yeah *walks away*
well after that i walk off and i guess dallas, 5'11 asks brian, 6'3 to go outside, brians ready to fight him, dallas ends up talking to him telling him not to hurt me blah blah blah, luke finds me and is like CHELSI, DALLAS AND BRIAN ARE OUTSIDE, so im like OHHHHH SHIT and push my way through people and i see this guy doyle and he's like, they just talked they just talked. i ask brian what happens, he tells me dallas threatened to hurt him if he hurt me, the end.
dallas comes up to me, tugs on my shoulder and says he's sorry, so im like "what the fuck for?" and walk away
i guess later on, my friend robbie ends up hitting dallas because he's all of sarah/buffy, and he didnt want dallas pulling the same shit w/ her that he did w/ me, so robbie hits him, they take it outside and robbie starts spitting in dallas' face, yelling at him for what he did to me, tells him he treats girls like shit, tells him to stay away from sarah, so on.
i didnt really elaborate on the fact that dallas and i had major issues all the time. it was fucking drama and i hated it.
anyway, dallas comes back in, i didnt know any of that happened, but I GOTTA GO CLASS IS OVER I'LL FINISH LATER
OK IM BACK
well dallas ends up apologizing to me again, and he's like "can i have a hug" and i get in his face and tell him that "dont you ever lay a fucking finger on brian"
and walk away.
thats pretty much about it for that night of partying.
i forgot to tell you, about a week after i broke up w/ ex-fag he would keep calling me for stupid shit, message me online about stupid shit, and it was just annoying. one day he messaged me and i kept ignoring him, and so i decide to sign offline, as soon as i sign off he calls me. (he changed his name and goes by his middle name now ever since i broke up w/ him, super gay) but yeah so i have nevada answer it and shes like "um she just left the room to go hang w/ some guy named dallas (that pissed him off) so shes like "is this brian, i mean CONNOR? that is your name now isnt it? and he was just like "yeah" all smartass-like to her, and hung up.
that was the last i heard from him until he messaged me online telling me he was taking my sg away and that he wanted the shirts he gave me back. he gave me a few tshirts because they were too small for him. so i was like "what the fuck do u need them for you cant fit your fatass into them" and hes like "THEY'RE MINE I WANT THEM BACK"
so of course im like "well we might have a problem because im about to shred the bitches"
so im like, nevada get the fucking scissors, and we start tearing them apart. it was so fun. i actually have a piece still.
yup, there it is.
but his friend showed up at my place around 2 in the morning cuz he lives on the 6th floor, he came to pick up his shirts, so i threw the pieces at him and slammed my door in his face. i dont like him either. i never did, and i always had to be nice around him cuz they were friends.
fuck that shit.
i havent really talked to him since......other than when i got this new sg account, to piss him off i asked for his friendship and he rejected it and sent me some message:
title: not to be rude
but no. i've put you off from my mind for good and i would really like to keep it that way. i'm sorry to hear about yer computer and all that, and i'm glad yer having a nice time, but i really can't deal with you at all anymore. sorry. anyway have a good rest of the semester and a nice spring break. hope classes go well for you.
-brian-
oh fyi: if you even care or not, in the fall of 2008 you will prob never hear from me ever again. donno if that makes you happy or sad or indifferent, but either way, i'm moving out to ireland and finishing my schooling out there and then will be staying. so yeah, just thought i'd tell ya. laterz.
---- i simply replied "i dont care"
i guess he's back on his depressed meds, tried getting w/ his ex, and obviously wants to move out of the country.
ok so what else has happened? i had a shit load of people in my room partying one night and a bitch spilled apple pucker all over my laptop, thats why i didnt have it cuz it was shipped out getting fixed.
um......im going to chicago for a day over spring break then flying out to see my friend rachel in maryland.
buffy and i got into a huge arguement cuz she came at me w/ dumbass assumptions. heres the convo its long, and her part of the convo has the * next to it. as you can tell im kind of pissed b/c she's coming at me w/ stupid bullshit, so im kind of a smartass to her, and i say fuck a lot. her and robbie are attached at the hip, she cheated on her bf in iraq with him, and robbie and i always talked about the situations w/ her and how we could help, or how i was pissed at her, i never talked shit, i just said how i felt about what she was doing. jesse is her boyfriend in iraq.:
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
*i am pissed at you missy
thats ok
*"I am not available right now, but Thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the Beep. If I do not return your call, You are one of the changes."
Beep-
sorry i just got your call
*question - what the fuck does robbie have to do with the boys?
do with the boys?
*please get one thing straight...robbie is just a friend
wtf
we talked about that
u made out once
*do you know why we are friends
woopty fuckin do
yeah he's explained it plenty of times
i dont give a crap
*ok
do your own thing you two
*so why is it a big deal to you
its not
*i mean you always fuckn say shit though that i dont apreciate
i believe i stopped caring about almost two weeks ago
alright
then i wont say a damn thing
*like "where's robbie isnt he connected to your hip?"
he is
*no
*he's now
*not
you visited him liek 4 times yesterday
*no
*once
u were waiting on him to get home from work
he said 4
and that maybe your'e getting a little clingy when u told him not to
*y the fuck are you monitering me
HE TOLD ME
what the fuck
fine
jesus
do what u want
*i know
*but you dint have to talk shit about me behid my back either
its not shit
its the truth
*then i will tell everyone you slept with dallas
go for it
*even brian
go for it
*errr
*i hate this
do what u want
its your fucking life
*i got that awhile back
i dont give a flying fuck
*i really dont fuckn care about whtat you do with dallas.. i really dont
im glad robbies helping you
*and i dont tell everyone about your life
GOOD CUZ I TOLD DALLAS LAST NIGHT I DIDNT WANT ANYTHING MORE THAN FRIENDSHIP
you didnt know what was going on
i havent talked to dallas
im focusing on brian
*thats what you want?
obviously
*then stick with it
plan on it, thanks
*and when dalas comes crying back dont take him this time... that is what happened last time
yup pretty much
*ok
so
be pissed
i dont care
later
*look- im really pissed because of what you are tellimg ppl about me
i dotn talk about u
what am i telling people?
*why do you talk about me
really what are the rumors you're hearing
*you told robbie a few things
*he was embarrased to say
yeah because robbie and i were both talking about you
*yea
*dont do that
yeah
*there is no need to talk
then get on robbies ass
not just mine
*ok
*i will
*sorry
it was shit he already kenw
knew*
so big fuckin deal
*and are all the guys staying over there or what
yeah
they are
*all three
four
*why arnt any staying here
idk
ask them
*i did
*jason said he didnt know anything about it
mk
*??
*ok well i feel like you are taking my friends away from me
well maybe you're pushing your friends away
*no im nor
*not
since they arent true friends or anything
how am i
idk talk to them about it
*no you talk to me
well im not them i cant give you an answer
*you seem to know everythign these days
10:25 PM
yes maybe i can touch you spiritually
by my words
*are you moking me
yeah i am
*mocking
*fuck you
well
OH
i dont appreciate you telling people that we fucking dated either
where the fuck did that come from?
i never dated you
*no you didnt
well nick brian jason luke robbie seem to think differently
*huh
*when i tell people that we were close girlfriends ... o
*they probly misinterpreted
obviously
but
do u have anything else to say?
*no
later
*what do u want from me?
*from now on if you have an issue with me take it to me not anyone else
ok
i dont have any issues with you
like i said, i stopped caring
i seriously dont give a flying fuck
*then i guess a friend
*cuz friends give a shit
i was tired of getting pissed off at what you do, say
thats pretty much why
do your own thing
if u need me, im here
but if you're pissed at me so be it
10:35 PM
you're your own person
*i dont want to not be you r friend
same here
but sarah
*i am just tierd of this shit
*i really am
some of the things you do really get to me
*then tell me
i have
*those are issues
*help me
*be a friend
ive told you already
you already swore off alcohol, thank goodness
fine
i LIKE the fact that you and robbie hangs out cuz we talked about it
about how he's helping you out
you need that support
I JOKE when i say that shit
*no its serious to me
well its not serious to me
at all
fine
the way i say it im sorry
thats who i am
the stuff i talk about is the stuff you and i have already talked about
i pretty much say how i try not to care so it doesnt bother me
*i gave up alchohol to have my life back... to be me and not be stupid.. to stay safe... to stay friends with all you ppl
well dont just tell me that
tell your friends that
cuz they feel just like i do
thats why YOU think im taking them away
im not
its just that we all are thinking the same shit
*i though tyou were a friend
you arent going to listen
*yes
*i am listening
what do u want me to say?
*the truth
how im pissed that you blamed everything but yourself for the night you and jake messed around?
how you "used" him yet were passed out?
*i do blame myself
you should
*ido
bc that night you didnt have any self respect or control
at all
*i am abad person
*sotty
*everyone has a flaw
listen
sometimes i think jesse deserves better but i know that you guys love each other
you would never understand the shitty feelings i am havign with jesse gone
cuz i know if i were him i wouldnt want my girl kissing other guys
*yea
*if you were me you would have a hard time too
it seems to me like you werent even TRYING to be loyal to jesse
*we fucked all the time when he was here
thats exactly what i told robbie
if u think thats talking shit
*you become relyant on it
i dont know what to tell u
*then all of a sudden its gone
*and you dont knwo if he is ever coming hom eagain
*or when
*you dotn knwo where the fuck he is
*or anythign
at least he's not fooling around on you
*you feel like you are moving away from him
*you forgetn things
*yes
*maybe he is
*yor dont need to know that shit
*its between the two of us
*we do things for one another
ugh
*i believe i took the break thing to far... and i am a horrible gf... i know all this
dont make me hate myself anymore
*i just lost my family
well it seems like you arent going to change it
so just feel bad for yourself
*i will never go home
wtf happened?
i ended up cutting myself again
i'm gonna kick your ass
woman
*its a long story
*robbie helped me on the phone
*he calmed me down
thats a relief
fuck
*he was there
if u do that again i'm cutting myself
*thats y i have a close friendshio with him
*nothing more
k
i know that
hello
i have known that
*and i am so depressed right now
*i cant do this shit
*i keep holding it all back
why
*trying to smile everyday
*putting on acts
*errr
be yourself
sarah
not buffy
*you want me to be me?
if your sad let the whole fucking world know
*i will hang myself
*thats where i am at right now
how would jesse feel
he's staying alive for you
*jesse and i am looking at getting me a shrink
you can at least return the favor
thats a good idea
at least something
*yeah
they have counseling here on campus
at the student center
its probably free
*yea
*30 minutes or something
do it
im not trying to take your freaking friends away
we're going out this weekend
and i know you shouldnt drink
you are MORE than welcome to chill w/ us before we go out
damnit woman you better
i know they miss you
especially jason
and it was brian and i that thought about calling u on saturday
but u were w/ your fam
*i can still fuckn hng out with you guys at a damn party
*i just wont drink
*dont think of me differently
w/e u want
idk what we're doing
10:55 PM
*fine
*well i want you to know that jesse is mine
*you cant take him away from mre too
woopty fuckin do
thanks for sharing
*you just agreed with me
*thank you
i think this is me not even caring
so continue on if u want
if u want me to take them i will
*thats all ytou think about
just say so
*you cant take my friends away from me
*i wont let you
sounds good
i feel sorry for you b/c u think i am and im not
*no i think all you think about is yourself
oh yes thats sooooooo true
*fuck you
no keep going really
*no
mk
*this is the end
*i have to fuckn study
have fun
*i will
*why do you hurt me?
you bring it on yourself, why do you even ask that, im not doing anything to you
*o so everything is myfault
*and you are so perfect?
what is your fault?
wtf
you're crazy
i dont know what the hell you're even talking about
*y do you hurt me?
how the fuck do i hurt you
*u are right now
explain that to me before i can even answer that dumb question
how?
because i told you how i felt?
*there is no such thing as a dumb wuestion.....
any issues im supposed to talk to you
right?
*yes
tah dah
*and any issue i am to bring forth to you
*i have an issue with you
*i am agry
yeah
you made your point
*and feel saddness inside
beause you think im trying to hurt you?
i wouldnt do that
*you are
ok well then explain to me how the fuck im doing so
*you aer making me believe that i am to blame for everything
believe what you want
*i do wrong things but some are out of my hands
im not pointing fingers for shit
*you are not in control of anybody
i know
*peopel will do what they please
*so you can not decide for them
uh, yeah, tell me something i dont know
thats why you feel like crap
cuz its your choice
you feel like you're at blame, because you choose to feel that way
and you cannot tell ppl what they are doing on their weekend
*ok
now explain THAT to me
when did i do that
*jason does not know about anything you have told me
*i asked him why he was spending the night in your room when there will be barely any room for him
*he doesnt understand
he said he might stay in caties room
*yea
*so who is staying in yours
how do u get "me trying to control what people do on the weekends" from that?
11:20 PM
*why can ti hang with you guys
*i mean just because i dont drink doesnt mean i wont have fun
*you were planning on leaving me behind
yeah cuz u said you dont drink
*so
*wtf
*i am still me
um, wtf, im not controlling you
*what you dont like to hang around me
*what am i suppose to get from that
*i have to drink to hang out with you
*wtf
*i am confused
on the weekends and im partying?
if u wanna go party then go party
fuck
invite yourself
its not hard to do
*i dont want to ruin your fun
then dont
*you dotn want ot go out with me on the weekends?
*you dont like partyign with me?
did i say that?
wtf
seriously stfu
your'e getting on my nerves w/ this bullshit you're throwing at me and its fucking rediculous
that is the only reason i can bargan from with the answers you have given me
*you were going to leave me behind
*to what..sleep
i dont even know wtf is going on yet
*i thought we all hang out onthe weekends
why would i invite you to shit idk is happening?
answer that fucking question for me
11:25 PM
*well i dont apreciate yo already plannin on leaving me behind
*no matter what you were going to do
well stop cuz i wasnt
so
*yes you were
get the hell over it
*ok
*you even said so
then i will
*what
just fucking stay home then
your choice
*you dont seem to understand
you dont understand shit buffy
*and you are contridicting yourself
oh you're the one to speak about that
really
*i do understand
no you dont
i dont know whats going on yet
when i find out
you find out
thats how i do it
im not 'leaving you behind'
think that
fuckin go for it
*when were you going to tell me the boys were goin to come ova
i didnt knwo if they wanted me to
i did earlier didnt i
*y wouldnt they want me to know
it was brought up
*huh
*explain
no
*y
*not
if u want to go out w/ us then go
if not
stay at home and hang w/ robbie or some shit
*what did they say?
*y wouldnt they wan tme to know
i dont remember
*so mow you are making up shit
BULLSHIT
*then tell me
I
DONT
REMEMBER
the guys and i were questioning if we should or not
*fine then dotn tell me
screw it
fucking stay home and mope
*u dont know me
* my opinion - you think you know who i am...but you dont knwo the first thing- all you seem to care about is your life...when was the last time you help someone out that you never met before.. for a good thing? When was the last time you sat down and tried to talk to me.. like a human being... get to know me? I feel bad that thigns are falling apart in my life... no one knows though... no one seems to care about me.. just themselves. I try to talk to you at times. To see how life is.. but i feel anger between us.. tension. I dont know how to talk to you anymore.. I want to. I would like for us to communicate more.. not just liek this either.. but just to say hows your day... i will listen to you.
I would apreciate it if you would stop saying my name behind my back... i would like to be able to hang around my friends.. including you with out a problem.
can there be peace?
sure
11:35 PM
i hate drama
and it seems to follow you
*get to know me before you make acusations
maybe i dont want to right now
*ok
later
*when i fit into your schedual tell me
will do
*tell me when your life will involve me
wow i told you that was long
buffy and i dont talk anymore, i cant stand her so i simply dont associate myself w/ her anymore. i just stopped talking to her so i wouldnt do anything stupid. since shes friends w/ jason/nick/brian......they were up on the weekend ( i hang w/ them all the time now ) well she asked them to come to her room to hang for a bit since they'd be with me, and she ends up following them over to my room, the guys walk in, i stand in my doorway staring at her and shes like "can i have my notes back?" and i just prop the door open w/ my foot, grab her notes, shove them at her, slam the door, lock it, and the guys stare at me like "whoh i cant believe you just did that"
and i go "i cant believe the cunt had the balls to do that"
lol. anyway......jason goes over there later and i guess she has a therapy session going on around her, shes balling her eyes out and is like I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY SHE HATES ME boo fucking hoo pay attention to me. so jason leaves and comes back to my room lol.
what else? my cool friend michelle, who is my best friend from high schools cousin, goes to bsu too and we're living together next year at windermere. its gonna rock. we were at the village yesterday and went into the den, there were these posters of cartoon kids. there were four of them and michelle and i decided we're gonna get them and its gonna be the theme for our living room next year.
one poster has a boy w/ a girl on each arm and its like "jimmy is a pimp. pimp jimmy, pimp."
lol then the other one is like "johnny always goes for skinny girls, but he cant pass up a fatty" as he's smokin a fatty lol
i love it. but yeah, here are some pictures of everyone i just talked about.
thats brian, my new lova
thats his twin brother jason
thats luke, he hangs w/ them
thats nick, he hangs w/ them too, we're all friends ya see
thats ex-fag, the guys shirts that i ripped to pieces
thats rachel, shes who im going to maryland to see
thats dallas, the guy that liked me, drama, yeah.
thats nevada, my awesome roommate that yelled at dallas
thats robbie, my friend that sarah cheated on her b/f with once, he's a really nice guy to talk to, he's the one that spit on and hit dallas at the party
and this is buffy/sarah, drama queen, i cant stand her.
THE END
