COFFEE SHOP ETIQUETTE 101
I would like to give you all a rundown of how you should act in a coffee shop. This guide is not meant to offend, or make you feel bad, but simply to teach you how to not look like a fool.
Lesson 1: Pre-line conduct
~Prior to getting in line, you should take a step back, and check out the menu. Decide what you want before getting in line, so you avoid being that person that stands in line for ten minutes and then goes "durrrr I don't know what I want," you are an asshole. I would also ask that you do not let your kids rearrange half of my store. When you are ready to step into line, take note of where the line begins, so as not to cut. My last request is that you do not ask someone else if they have already ordered, I did not ask you what you would like because I like you better than the other person and want to show them how unimportant they are, it is because I have already helped them... douche.
Lesson 2: Standing in Line
~While standing in line it is most important that you do two things, get your money out, and get off your damn phone. A single file line is also appreciated, but as long as you abide by the first two things, I can deal with a slightly disorganized line.
Lesson 3: Ordering
~This is a big one folks, probably the most important lesson.
~When you come up to my counter, say hello. I am a person, I am not a robot that you spit your order into and then walk away from, I have feelings. I do not mind if you do not ask me about my day, but if you do, wait for a response. "Hi, how are you today, I would like..." is not polite.
~When I ask you what you would like today, do not say "the winning lottery numbers," I hear it fifty times a day, and guess what, I work at a fucking coffee shop, you dick. If I had the winning lottery numbers, I would not give them to you, you piece of shit.
~Do not order frappucino's unless you are a fifteen year old girl, if you're a guy, just don't.
~If you are ordering more than one drink, do not throw them all at me at once, again, I am not a robot.
~Do not cough into your hand, and then hand me money with the same hand, ew.
~Do not throw your money on the counter when I have my hand held out, this is rude.
~Do not complain to me about the prices, if you hate it, don't come in, moron. I do not make the prices, I am just trying to support my child.
~This is a coffee shop, we sell $3 cups of coffee, so no, I cannot break your fifty or hundred dollar bills, go to a fucking bank.
~If there is a line to the door, and you see that there are only two of us on the floor, please do not as me to grind your 5 bags of coffee, I'm stressed enough, just come back later, or buy a $10 grinder.
There are many more, but I'm running low on time, so I must get on to the next lesson.
Lesson 4: Receiving your drink
There are not a lot of ways to mess this one up, but the few are pretty important, so listen up.
~PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not stand there and stare at me while I make your drink. 95% of the time, when you think I am messing up your drink, and you say something to me, it isn't even your drink I am working on, so just shut the fuck up.
~If I have 15 cups on the bar, I'm probably not feeling chatty. I do not mean to be short, I love talking to people when I am on the bar, but sometimes I need to focus, so please just let me be if I am super busy.
~ABSOLUTELY DO NOT ASK ME FOR A FUCKING WATER WHEN I AM BUSY. You go to the register person and ask politely. When a drink comes onto my bar, I immediately have to incorporate it into the timing of my shots and milk steaming, when you come up and ask to change your drink, or add a water, you throw me off, and then everyones drink is going to be put off.
~Just don't take whatever drink you feel like taking, it may not be yours, and then you've really pissed me off. I would also ask that you do not come up and say "is this mine?" I don't fucking know, we don't serve "mines" here, ask me if its a triple grande nonfat no whip white mocha, that is something I can answer.
Thank you for listening, I hope I have not offended anyone. Feel free to write things that piss you off as well.
~Cheezy
I would like to give you all a rundown of how you should act in a coffee shop. This guide is not meant to offend, or make you feel bad, but simply to teach you how to not look like a fool.
Lesson 1: Pre-line conduct
~Prior to getting in line, you should take a step back, and check out the menu. Decide what you want before getting in line, so you avoid being that person that stands in line for ten minutes and then goes "durrrr I don't know what I want," you are an asshole. I would also ask that you do not let your kids rearrange half of my store. When you are ready to step into line, take note of where the line begins, so as not to cut. My last request is that you do not ask someone else if they have already ordered, I did not ask you what you would like because I like you better than the other person and want to show them how unimportant they are, it is because I have already helped them... douche.
Lesson 2: Standing in Line
~While standing in line it is most important that you do two things, get your money out, and get off your damn phone. A single file line is also appreciated, but as long as you abide by the first two things, I can deal with a slightly disorganized line.
Lesson 3: Ordering
~This is a big one folks, probably the most important lesson.
~When you come up to my counter, say hello. I am a person, I am not a robot that you spit your order into and then walk away from, I have feelings. I do not mind if you do not ask me about my day, but if you do, wait for a response. "Hi, how are you today, I would like..." is not polite.
~When I ask you what you would like today, do not say "the winning lottery numbers," I hear it fifty times a day, and guess what, I work at a fucking coffee shop, you dick. If I had the winning lottery numbers, I would not give them to you, you piece of shit.
~Do not order frappucino's unless you are a fifteen year old girl, if you're a guy, just don't.
~If you are ordering more than one drink, do not throw them all at me at once, again, I am not a robot.
~Do not cough into your hand, and then hand me money with the same hand, ew.
~Do not throw your money on the counter when I have my hand held out, this is rude.
~Do not complain to me about the prices, if you hate it, don't come in, moron. I do not make the prices, I am just trying to support my child.
~This is a coffee shop, we sell $3 cups of coffee, so no, I cannot break your fifty or hundred dollar bills, go to a fucking bank.
~If there is a line to the door, and you see that there are only two of us on the floor, please do not as me to grind your 5 bags of coffee, I'm stressed enough, just come back later, or buy a $10 grinder.
There are many more, but I'm running low on time, so I must get on to the next lesson.
Lesson 4: Receiving your drink
There are not a lot of ways to mess this one up, but the few are pretty important, so listen up.
~PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not stand there and stare at me while I make your drink. 95% of the time, when you think I am messing up your drink, and you say something to me, it isn't even your drink I am working on, so just shut the fuck up.
~If I have 15 cups on the bar, I'm probably not feeling chatty. I do not mean to be short, I love talking to people when I am on the bar, but sometimes I need to focus, so please just let me be if I am super busy.
~ABSOLUTELY DO NOT ASK ME FOR A FUCKING WATER WHEN I AM BUSY. You go to the register person and ask politely. When a drink comes onto my bar, I immediately have to incorporate it into the timing of my shots and milk steaming, when you come up and ask to change your drink, or add a water, you throw me off, and then everyones drink is going to be put off.
~Just don't take whatever drink you feel like taking, it may not be yours, and then you've really pissed me off. I would also ask that you do not come up and say "is this mine?" I don't fucking know, we don't serve "mines" here, ask me if its a triple grande nonfat no whip white mocha, that is something I can answer.
Thank you for listening, I hope I have not offended anyone. Feel free to write things that piss you off as well.
~Cheezy
But then... I'm a bit of a coffee snob and elitist, so hating people in general, even without cause, is a matter of routine for me.
Cheers doll!