I believe I mentioned before that i'm not used to keeping a journal. Especially one that people read. I keep thinking that should write when there's something interesting to say, but lately, well...all I would be doing is bitching about things.
I seem to be in a strange place in my head. I'm content with many of the things in my life, but i'm not by any means "happy". I've come to the conclusion that there's just nothing really exciting in my life at the moment. i'm working on a project that will be complete in April, but until then, it's just work...like homework.
I'm working toward achieving things that will make me excited about my life, but things are different now.
For example, since i suppose this is the correct forum for this discussion, my mother and I have always had a really good relationship/friendship. Until recently, there wasn't anything we could talk about that would cause us to fight.
Well...apparantly, being a lesbian is the one thing that sets us apart. Ever since she bluntly asked me, "Are you gay?", and I told her that I was contemplating it, (even though i had a girlfriend at the time), things have been very distant. We can't discuss it, or any "relationship" related material, because she just gets bitter.
I told her the other day that I hung out with one of my good guy friends pretty late into the evening, and she said, very sarcastically and almost mean, "...And he didn't try anything on you... or vice versa?!?" (gee...you'd think she'd be happy to hear that i'm hanging out with a guy. Even though I know there's really nothing there.)
Anyway, I promise that soon I will write about fun, good stuff, and not just complaints. I realize that if I constantly complain, then I come off as a "complainer", and i'm really not. Most of the time.
But as far as this situation goes, i'm just SO FUCKING FED UP with my mom's constant rude comments and general unacceptance of who I am. Apparantly, i'm a disgrace to her and to my family, and I will never have the "happily ever after" she had always dreamt for me. (nevermind the fact that i'm the first person in the family to go to college, i get good grades, i'm not in debt, i don't do drugs, i'm not an alcoholc or a nympho.-all of which are characteristics of members of my extended family) But apparantly, an unaccepted sexual preference is worse than all of these things put together.
Somehow, these things didn't seem so bad when I had a girlfriend. It was easier because I had someone to come over and give me a hug, and it was all OK. I would like another girlfriend, although now, everyone who reads this is going to think that i'm emotionally unstable, or something, which i'm not... i just have to vent every once in a while. Or move away so i'm no longer in this position with my mother.
How can a family relationship go from 20 years of unconditional love and friendship to all of a sudden...distant?
-i love this pirate guy 
(there's me and my comic relief because i can't handle serious tension or conversation.)
I seem to be in a strange place in my head. I'm content with many of the things in my life, but i'm not by any means "happy". I've come to the conclusion that there's just nothing really exciting in my life at the moment. i'm working on a project that will be complete in April, but until then, it's just work...like homework.
I'm working toward achieving things that will make me excited about my life, but things are different now.
For example, since i suppose this is the correct forum for this discussion, my mother and I have always had a really good relationship/friendship. Until recently, there wasn't anything we could talk about that would cause us to fight.
Well...apparantly, being a lesbian is the one thing that sets us apart. Ever since she bluntly asked me, "Are you gay?", and I told her that I was contemplating it, (even though i had a girlfriend at the time), things have been very distant. We can't discuss it, or any "relationship" related material, because she just gets bitter.
I told her the other day that I hung out with one of my good guy friends pretty late into the evening, and she said, very sarcastically and almost mean, "...And he didn't try anything on you... or vice versa?!?" (gee...you'd think she'd be happy to hear that i'm hanging out with a guy. Even though I know there's really nothing there.)
Anyway, I promise that soon I will write about fun, good stuff, and not just complaints. I realize that if I constantly complain, then I come off as a "complainer", and i'm really not. Most of the time.
But as far as this situation goes, i'm just SO FUCKING FED UP with my mom's constant rude comments and general unacceptance of who I am. Apparantly, i'm a disgrace to her and to my family, and I will never have the "happily ever after" she had always dreamt for me. (nevermind the fact that i'm the first person in the family to go to college, i get good grades, i'm not in debt, i don't do drugs, i'm not an alcoholc or a nympho.-all of which are characteristics of members of my extended family) But apparantly, an unaccepted sexual preference is worse than all of these things put together.
Somehow, these things didn't seem so bad when I had a girlfriend. It was easier because I had someone to come over and give me a hug, and it was all OK. I would like another girlfriend, although now, everyone who reads this is going to think that i'm emotionally unstable, or something, which i'm not... i just have to vent every once in a while. Or move away so i'm no longer in this position with my mother.
How can a family relationship go from 20 years of unconditional love and friendship to all of a sudden...distant?
-i love this pirate guy
(there's me and my comic relief because i can't handle serious tension or conversation.)
Moms are hard. They just want the best for their kids. Hopefully she'll grow out of her phase soon and will understand that _this_ is the best thing for you.