unorganized description of a (hypothetical) plan to systematically dismantle the "borders books and music" superpower, one dvd at a time:
so borders has this seemingly awesome buy-3-dvds-and-get-1-free instore deal going on. its seemingly awesome before it dawns on you (or in this particular case, me) that borders overprices everything, and what you (or actually, i) took to be four dvds at a bargain is nothing more than four dvds at a fair price. i would say this disgruntles me, except that being the disgruntled former borders employee i am, i'm lacking gruntle at the outset.
i noticed the seemingly awesome deal today at borders when my comrade, "nineteen" (who i shall call squirrel-e in this here description) was returning a bunch of shit to borders. borders has a decent return policy in that if you do not have a receipt for a book you wish to return, they will give you store credit in exchange for your item. you needn't have any evidence (i.e. a sticker on the back) that the book was even purchased there, and thus, you needn't have purchased the book there. barnes and nobles has the same kind of policy. in fact, i made a two dollar profit by returning a book there which i'd purchased off amazon. the sticky thing with B&N is that they require personal information including your driver's license number for a return. borders doesn't.
so back to the (hypothetical) story. squirrel-e decided to return some 200 dollars worth of shit she'd bought in recent years. while she was allowed to exchange for store credit only and not cash, this was fine because there's a whole new pile of more appealing shit just waiting to be bought up, i'm sure. shit is fine to have in your life as long as you keep turning it over at a good rate.
so, in the interest of getting more shit and specifically free shit, it seems easy enough to buy 3 dvds and get 1 (the cheapest) free. and then return 3 dvds without a receipt to again collect the store credit which was spent on them. i think most people would be deterred from an attempt of this sort because they likely would be purchasing their 3 dvds with cash, and the cash must then be converted to store credit (lest one wants to risk actually bringing in the receipt for a cash return, the receipt which also shows the award of a free dvd). but converting store credit into store credit is no big deal if you haven't a choice of cash to begin with.
does this make any sense?
the only possible snag is the fact that the store credit is issued on a specialized "gift card" labeled: "return store credit". i'm not sure if credit for returns can be put on a card like that. if not, you would be issued a new card. this becomes a problem because at the next purchase, you (or actually i, though if you want to hypothetically partake, i encourage you to do so) must either: 1) make a purchase with two "return store credit" cards should your purchase price exceed that of your previous purchase or 2) make a purchase which costs less than the one previous. option 1 seems problematic, especially when you consider that in time you may need to pay using three or four or more cards, a move that is sketchy at best. option 2 obviously limits you, but i'm not yet certain the degree to which it limits you.
you see borders has standard prices of 23.99, 24.99, 29.99, 34.99, and so on. the challenge would be to list the dvds you (well, the all important i) desire from nost expensive on downward, and take the most expensive for your first purchase. then calculate how to maximize the price of your purchase so that the value of each subsequential card you receive matches the value of the card you paid with as closely as possible, and progressively work your way down through your list of desired dvds. i think that this type of problem is one of those, as the french say, algorithims. not to be confused with the al gore rhythmn which, by all accounts, is an imaginary number.
can you tell i've never stolen anything in my life before? its kind of sad. my first hypothetical stolen good happens to be a live ween dvd, and i can't believe i nerded myself to this extent over a ween dvd. and if nobody reads this entry, no worries, because i wouldn't want to read it either. its like observing a g-rated madness slowly take hold and destroy. you know? like an alvin and the chipmunks cartoon marathon.
so borders has this seemingly awesome buy-3-dvds-and-get-1-free instore deal going on. its seemingly awesome before it dawns on you (or in this particular case, me) that borders overprices everything, and what you (or actually, i) took to be four dvds at a bargain is nothing more than four dvds at a fair price. i would say this disgruntles me, except that being the disgruntled former borders employee i am, i'm lacking gruntle at the outset.
i noticed the seemingly awesome deal today at borders when my comrade, "nineteen" (who i shall call squirrel-e in this here description) was returning a bunch of shit to borders. borders has a decent return policy in that if you do not have a receipt for a book you wish to return, they will give you store credit in exchange for your item. you needn't have any evidence (i.e. a sticker on the back) that the book was even purchased there, and thus, you needn't have purchased the book there. barnes and nobles has the same kind of policy. in fact, i made a two dollar profit by returning a book there which i'd purchased off amazon. the sticky thing with B&N is that they require personal information including your driver's license number for a return. borders doesn't.
so back to the (hypothetical) story. squirrel-e decided to return some 200 dollars worth of shit she'd bought in recent years. while she was allowed to exchange for store credit only and not cash, this was fine because there's a whole new pile of more appealing shit just waiting to be bought up, i'm sure. shit is fine to have in your life as long as you keep turning it over at a good rate.
so, in the interest of getting more shit and specifically free shit, it seems easy enough to buy 3 dvds and get 1 (the cheapest) free. and then return 3 dvds without a receipt to again collect the store credit which was spent on them. i think most people would be deterred from an attempt of this sort because they likely would be purchasing their 3 dvds with cash, and the cash must then be converted to store credit (lest one wants to risk actually bringing in the receipt for a cash return, the receipt which also shows the award of a free dvd). but converting store credit into store credit is no big deal if you haven't a choice of cash to begin with.
does this make any sense?
the only possible snag is the fact that the store credit is issued on a specialized "gift card" labeled: "return store credit". i'm not sure if credit for returns can be put on a card like that. if not, you would be issued a new card. this becomes a problem because at the next purchase, you (or actually i, though if you want to hypothetically partake, i encourage you to do so) must either: 1) make a purchase with two "return store credit" cards should your purchase price exceed that of your previous purchase or 2) make a purchase which costs less than the one previous. option 1 seems problematic, especially when you consider that in time you may need to pay using three or four or more cards, a move that is sketchy at best. option 2 obviously limits you, but i'm not yet certain the degree to which it limits you.
you see borders has standard prices of 23.99, 24.99, 29.99, 34.99, and so on. the challenge would be to list the dvds you (well, the all important i) desire from nost expensive on downward, and take the most expensive for your first purchase. then calculate how to maximize the price of your purchase so that the value of each subsequential card you receive matches the value of the card you paid with as closely as possible, and progressively work your way down through your list of desired dvds. i think that this type of problem is one of those, as the french say, algorithims. not to be confused with the al gore rhythmn which, by all accounts, is an imaginary number.
can you tell i've never stolen anything in my life before? its kind of sad. my first hypothetical stolen good happens to be a live ween dvd, and i can't believe i nerded myself to this extent over a ween dvd. and if nobody reads this entry, no worries, because i wouldn't want to read it either. its like observing a g-rated madness slowly take hold and destroy. you know? like an alvin and the chipmunks cartoon marathon.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
sempi:
Happy B-Day!
mat8drb:
Ahhh! The Balloon. Happy Birthday!