Looking at this space for the last few days and nothing I can up with seems to cover the gravity that is weighing in my heart. I don't know what to say. No language exists that can convey the vacuum inside of me.
That phone call. "I have some bad news." Through choking tears I knew what was coming and in my head all I could think was "No, don't say it, don't you dare fucking say it."
"Erika..."
An explosion inside of me, an implosion around me. The "what" of my response, the volume startled the other customers and the servers where I was waiting to pick up food. My ears were ringing. There was no air in that room, I swear it.
My life would be so different now had I not met you. You opened your arms to me at the lowest point in my life. You opened them wide for me, a complete stranger by all accounts. I needed someone more than I ever had in my life and had nowhere to turn when you were standing right around the corner.
I can't explain how much I enjoyed living there, with you in that house. It was as if when I walked through the door the world faded out. Nothing could hurt me there. I was beginning to have hope for the first time. I was making new friends for the first time in forever, and I never would have without first meeting you. I still remember the way the house smelled, the temperature of every floor. The sound of cartoons on the TV. Your face with a Jello cup in your hand.
Memories coming back in what seems to be an unending wave. Crashing into my mind like the rocky shore. Smiles and tears come to my face almost altermately when I think of things. I miss you. I miss early morning conversations in the stairwell, I miss drink boxes strewn on every table, I miss grocery shopping and movie watching, I miss the white board, and talking and talking and talking...
Moving out was so hard for me. I didn't want to leave. I wanted to take our friendship with me in a little jar. To open it and let it fill wherever I was. I shouldn't have left. I'm sorry.
I feel almost out of place for my feelings to hit me so hard. Their are so many people that were truly in love with you. Their hearts are breaking from that love. My love for you was deep as your friend. I consider you a friend, something not often done by me. I love you, though. I do, just not in the way of the others.
I pray you are somewhere peaceful and you are happy. I pray that when you were taken from us it was without any suffering.
I long for one last hug, one last Jamba Juice, one last episode of anything. I wish I had gotten to tell you what you meant to me and my life and how you changed it for the better.
I will miss you always.
"If you could choose only one word for people to describe you what would you wish that word to be?"
"Intense"
...and wonderful
That phone call. "I have some bad news." Through choking tears I knew what was coming and in my head all I could think was "No, don't say it, don't you dare fucking say it."
"Erika..."
An explosion inside of me, an implosion around me. The "what" of my response, the volume startled the other customers and the servers where I was waiting to pick up food. My ears were ringing. There was no air in that room, I swear it.
My life would be so different now had I not met you. You opened your arms to me at the lowest point in my life. You opened them wide for me, a complete stranger by all accounts. I needed someone more than I ever had in my life and had nowhere to turn when you were standing right around the corner.
I can't explain how much I enjoyed living there, with you in that house. It was as if when I walked through the door the world faded out. Nothing could hurt me there. I was beginning to have hope for the first time. I was making new friends for the first time in forever, and I never would have without first meeting you. I still remember the way the house smelled, the temperature of every floor. The sound of cartoons on the TV. Your face with a Jello cup in your hand.
Memories coming back in what seems to be an unending wave. Crashing into my mind like the rocky shore. Smiles and tears come to my face almost altermately when I think of things. I miss you. I miss early morning conversations in the stairwell, I miss drink boxes strewn on every table, I miss grocery shopping and movie watching, I miss the white board, and talking and talking and talking...
Moving out was so hard for me. I didn't want to leave. I wanted to take our friendship with me in a little jar. To open it and let it fill wherever I was. I shouldn't have left. I'm sorry.
I feel almost out of place for my feelings to hit me so hard. Their are so many people that were truly in love with you. Their hearts are breaking from that love. My love for you was deep as your friend. I consider you a friend, something not often done by me. I love you, though. I do, just not in the way of the others.
I pray you are somewhere peaceful and you are happy. I pray that when you were taken from us it was without any suffering.
I long for one last hug, one last Jamba Juice, one last episode of anything. I wish I had gotten to tell you what you meant to me and my life and how you changed it for the better.
I will miss you always.
"If you could choose only one word for people to describe you what would you wish that word to be?"
"Intense"
...and wonderful
VIEW 16 of 16 COMMENTS
pixie_punch:
I'm doing pretty decently...Work eats up most of my time. it's good to talk to you again.
trocar:
Welcome to "the embalming room", read, write or just explore.