charlatan

I feel so futile lately. Alone. Not physically alone, but in my heart.

I am the kind of person that seeks companionship. I crave it, I need it to survive inside. It is a double edged sword for me. I am selective about who I open my heart to, this is true. It's just been so long since I could. I'm starting to feel dead inside. I want to give up, but I won't let myself.

I've tried quite a few times to bridge this gap in me. It just never seemed to work out for me. In one way or another. Thank you to the ones who were kind about it. Being laughed at doesn't really help me any.

Is this punishment I'm having laid upon me for something I did? I repent my mistakes and the pain I have caused anyone. It is never my intention to hurt a soul. I don't mean to be the way I am.

Maybe I truly am broken. Maybe things just don't fit back into place the way they did before. I'm so sorry for the hurt I cause.

I'm sorry Cayle.
I'm sorry Andy.
I'm sorry Ben.
I'm sorry Michelle.
I'm sorry Damon.
I'm sorry Charli.
I'm sorry Kasaun.
I'm sorry Mom.
I'm sorry Dad.
I'm sorry Jamie.
I'm eternally sorry Lydia.


I let you down more than any other. I made mistakes and I don't blame you for when you left. I don't blame you for him. I've learned. I'll never make those mistakes again. I don't want you back anymore, I don't love you, I'm just very sorry Erica.

I'm sorry I was ever born.