Had a bad dream last night, woke up crying and scared.
A lot of my dreams stem from my birth mother and her sickness. She's clinically Schizophrenic and a pathelogical liar. Being raised by her was no treat in life and even after all of these years, she still haunts me. The doctors have never been able to tell her children if we are in danger of the same illnesses but as I don't show any signs of being like her, my fear is extended to my children.
I dreamt that her disorder was passed on to my oldest son. He was older, 13 or 14 in my dream and had run away. We found him after several weeks of fear and crying. He laughed at me when I found him. Laughed like he didn't care that he was home. Then my dream, for lack of a better term, fast forwarded to his 23rd birthday. In my dream I hadn't heard from him in a few weeks so I baked him a cake and took it to him for his birthday. I found him dead in his apartment. He'd killed himself and had written a letter blaming his mother (me) for all of his issues. It said that I never should have had children if I knew there was a chance that they would end up like my birth mother. He wrote that he hated me for having him and that he'd be better off six feet under.
This dream was so vivid and felt so real. I could feel the paper in my hands and read his words, I could smell his blood and feel his cold hands. This didn't feel like a dream, it felt like a premonition.
Needless to say, I didn't sleep well and am not in the best of moods. Sometimes I wish I couldn't remember my dreams, I only seem to recall the bad ones anyway.
A lot of my dreams stem from my birth mother and her sickness. She's clinically Schizophrenic and a pathelogical liar. Being raised by her was no treat in life and even after all of these years, she still haunts me. The doctors have never been able to tell her children if we are in danger of the same illnesses but as I don't show any signs of being like her, my fear is extended to my children.
I dreamt that her disorder was passed on to my oldest son. He was older, 13 or 14 in my dream and had run away. We found him after several weeks of fear and crying. He laughed at me when I found him. Laughed like he didn't care that he was home. Then my dream, for lack of a better term, fast forwarded to his 23rd birthday. In my dream I hadn't heard from him in a few weeks so I baked him a cake and took it to him for his birthday. I found him dead in his apartment. He'd killed himself and had written a letter blaming his mother (me) for all of his issues. It said that I never should have had children if I knew there was a chance that they would end up like my birth mother. He wrote that he hated me for having him and that he'd be better off six feet under.
This dream was so vivid and felt so real. I could feel the paper in my hands and read his words, I could smell his blood and feel his cold hands. This didn't feel like a dream, it felt like a premonition.
Needless to say, I didn't sleep well and am not in the best of moods. Sometimes I wish I couldn't remember my dreams, I only seem to recall the bad ones anyway.
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Sorry to hear about the dream luv. Those kind are never any fun. Run a warm bath, get a nice bottle of wine, and light some candles.
Hope sleep found you peaceful last night.