Well, Lance bloody Armstrong is leading the tour again. I guess it just drives me crazy that every time someone finds out I ride a bike, the first thing outta their yap is always 'so you must be a big Lance fan'.
No, I'm not.
He's a talented and hardworking bike rider, but he's also just about the most pampered prima donna in all of sport.
For every instance that he draws a new fan to cycling, he also perpetuates the greatest lie in cycling: That the tour is the Be-all and end-all of road racing. Events like Track sprinting, the great single day classics in Belgium*, or the noblest of all cycling competitions, The Hour**, have to take a back seat because some texan hick is on the teevee
Anyway, enough Lance Bashing, after all, there are three more weeks of Tour coverage in which to pummel the little frillster.
Todays recipe is Biscuits. Man, biscuits have the simplest recipe, but they are so hard to make well.
Take 2 cups of all purpose flour, and mix it with a tbs of double-action baking powder, a tsp of salt, and a couple grinds of pepper (optional, the pepper). Sift all that into a bowl.
Take 1/8 of a pound of very cold butter, and dice it with a knife into chunks 1/8 to 1/4". Add that to the sifted flour mix.
Make sure the butter doesn't clump together, but it HAS to stay in these little chunks. If you break the chunks up to small, your biscuits will suck: they will be crumbly and vaguely cake like, and not in a good way.
Once you have finished making sure that the little chunks are a) all separated, and b) relatively evenly distributed in the flour mix, you have a choice.
If you want cheese biscuits, then dice up or grate up some good strong cheese (old cheddar is good, so is fresh grated parmesan, or stilton), but use a coarse grater, or dice it up like you did the flour. Don't grate it finely because your biscuits will suck.
If you don't want cheese biscuits, skip all that cheese crap and go to the next step:
Add 7/8 of a cup of cold milk. Stir it rapidly with the blade of a dinner knife until it starts to clump. stir just a bit more, then with one hand , reach into the bowl, gather it all together, and knead it with no more than 8 strokes. THIS IS THE KEY: as soon as you add the liquid to the flour, you have to handle and work the batter as little as possible. I almost gurantee the first time you try this, your kneading kung fu will be reckless, and energetic and...yes...wait for it....YOUR BISCUITS WILL SUCK.
If you overwork the batter, you will end up with tasty biscuits, but they will be small and dense instead of large and flaky tender.
divide the dough into 8 equal chunks, shape them just a little bit, and put them on an ungreased baking sheet. Slide them into a preheated oven at 450 degrees for 12-18min, check them every coupla minutes after the first 12min, when they are light golden on the outside, they will be ready.
Eat with lots of fresh butter, and jam if they are not cheese biscuits.
If your biscuits suck, feel free to post asking why. It is my mission in life to pass on my great biscuit kung fu before I die. It's something I owe the universe
* if you were at my bbq, the movie you saw playing in the background was 'sunday in hell' a documentary about the greatest and most important bike race of them all. The one day race between Paris and Roubaix. Now that's a race. Held over a brutal combination of asphalt and cobblestone roads, in early spring and often in brutal weather. It's a race for hard hard men. Lance 'dressed in frilly panties' armstrong never goes near that race. Hmph.
** The Hour has been described as the most grueling physical contest in all of athletics. You simple hop onto a fixed gear (no coasting, no brakes, and one speed, if the wheel is turning, so are the pedals) and see how far you can get in one hour. The answer is around 60km. Imagine how strong, and how immune to agonizing pain, you have to be to pedal at full power, at over 120rpm, with your heartrate 2 beats from max, for a whole hour. Pain is just the beginnng of this event. I have tried the hour, I got 44km. I was in the most agonizing pain of my life, I literally couldn't walk for two days
No, I'm not.
He's a talented and hardworking bike rider, but he's also just about the most pampered prima donna in all of sport.
For every instance that he draws a new fan to cycling, he also perpetuates the greatest lie in cycling: That the tour is the Be-all and end-all of road racing. Events like Track sprinting, the great single day classics in Belgium*, or the noblest of all cycling competitions, The Hour**, have to take a back seat because some texan hick is on the teevee
Anyway, enough Lance Bashing, after all, there are three more weeks of Tour coverage in which to pummel the little frillster.
Todays recipe is Biscuits. Man, biscuits have the simplest recipe, but they are so hard to make well.
Take 2 cups of all purpose flour, and mix it with a tbs of double-action baking powder, a tsp of salt, and a couple grinds of pepper (optional, the pepper). Sift all that into a bowl.
Take 1/8 of a pound of very cold butter, and dice it with a knife into chunks 1/8 to 1/4". Add that to the sifted flour mix.
Make sure the butter doesn't clump together, but it HAS to stay in these little chunks. If you break the chunks up to small, your biscuits will suck: they will be crumbly and vaguely cake like, and not in a good way.
Once you have finished making sure that the little chunks are a) all separated, and b) relatively evenly distributed in the flour mix, you have a choice.
If you want cheese biscuits, then dice up or grate up some good strong cheese (old cheddar is good, so is fresh grated parmesan, or stilton), but use a coarse grater, or dice it up like you did the flour. Don't grate it finely because your biscuits will suck.
If you don't want cheese biscuits, skip all that cheese crap and go to the next step:
Add 7/8 of a cup of cold milk. Stir it rapidly with the blade of a dinner knife until it starts to clump. stir just a bit more, then with one hand , reach into the bowl, gather it all together, and knead it with no more than 8 strokes. THIS IS THE KEY: as soon as you add the liquid to the flour, you have to handle and work the batter as little as possible. I almost gurantee the first time you try this, your kneading kung fu will be reckless, and energetic and...yes...wait for it....YOUR BISCUITS WILL SUCK.
If you overwork the batter, you will end up with tasty biscuits, but they will be small and dense instead of large and flaky tender.
divide the dough into 8 equal chunks, shape them just a little bit, and put them on an ungreased baking sheet. Slide them into a preheated oven at 450 degrees for 12-18min, check them every coupla minutes after the first 12min, when they are light golden on the outside, they will be ready.
Eat with lots of fresh butter, and jam if they are not cheese biscuits.
If your biscuits suck, feel free to post asking why. It is my mission in life to pass on my great biscuit kung fu before I die. It's something I owe the universe
* if you were at my bbq, the movie you saw playing in the background was 'sunday in hell' a documentary about the greatest and most important bike race of them all. The one day race between Paris and Roubaix. Now that's a race. Held over a brutal combination of asphalt and cobblestone roads, in early spring and often in brutal weather. It's a race for hard hard men. Lance 'dressed in frilly panties' armstrong never goes near that race. Hmph.
** The Hour has been described as the most grueling physical contest in all of athletics. You simple hop onto a fixed gear (no coasting, no brakes, and one speed, if the wheel is turning, so are the pedals) and see how far you can get in one hour. The answer is around 60km. Imagine how strong, and how immune to agonizing pain, you have to be to pedal at full power, at over 120rpm, with your heartrate 2 beats from max, for a whole hour. Pain is just the beginnng of this event. I have tried the hour, I got 44km. I was in the most agonizing pain of my life, I literally couldn't walk for two days
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
NOOO! not next saturday
okay next time i see you we will have a trash lance session.