chanel

So, were gonna start this one of with me. Cause that time, in April, where Im standing in that photo..I thought I had shit figured out. Oh yes. Figured out.

Were always having the ever looming question of..why..me? Or..why..us?

Ill never know.
I wrote this awhile ago:
There are many words I could write, quotes and songs, tears and laughter I can shed for my experience. It was never easy, the whole ordeal, but we got through it eventually. Nights fell into days wondering what the next move would be. Eventually, we stopped caring and it was left alone.
Finding someone to connect with is never easy, its an arduous task to handle. Especially if youve fallen in the trap too many times. I find that every once and awhile I am graced with a wonderful, unique person that I can throw away easily. And I do, because I have that power. Forevermore, that person will be scarred with my name on their heart. A tiny piece that I will be able to view when I encounter them again.
Yet theres always the one that snags you, and it always manages to fuck it up. Always. But when you do encounter them, the sweet feeling of knowing you made your mark is painful. You want to take it back. Repent for everything youve ever done or said. The love type feeling is even stronger for that moment. It wouldnt matter what would be happening at that interaction, you're on a different plane of thought, asking for any deity to give you back time to make things right. Itll never come, and you knew that, but Ill keep asking for the moment.
I am not sad, nor am I proud about the matter. I asked only for forgiveness, and I seemingly got it. At the same time the moments shared right now are more precious to me than ever. I know I have lost, and the tunnel I thought I would see light at the end, that light where everything would be alright again, has faded. If any hope was to arrive, I leave it in hopes hands for some recognition of my changes. I wont do any more damage.
I cherish what I have now, whether it be my love or my hate for myself.
I guess, essentially, I did wake up.


Shit comes and goes. Lines are repeated. Actions are memorized. Finally, when it all comes to a screeching halt, you wonder why you got on in the first place.

Because, were all looking for the missing piece in the end. But when you find the missing piece, do you know what to do?

How do you forgive someone? Right away, or sometime later, or maybe you just forget it all happend and try to move on with the best of things?

Im a horrible human being when it comes to relationships. Ask anyone who is close to me. Man do I fuck shit up and regret it so much its like a knife in my back, twisting and hurting beyond all reason...

Read it.



Go give much love to Kensington and Oryx. They sure are fucking awesome.

Was this the right thing to do? I need to know...