So I just spent four hours with my landlord putting up plywood around the house for Hurricane francis. Come saturday I could be dead or homeless, or the storm may blow north which is what I've been saying for days now, either way I'm ready for one kick ass hurricane party!!!!!!!!111
either way I hope to take some awesome storm pics which if my power comes back up after the storm I will gladly post. till then here's the local circular email. I've recieved it from 4 of my friends.
Hurricane Preparedness..... I know, I know.. This is no laughing matter.
So I'm moving to Iowa.
We're about to enter the peak of the hurricane season. Any day now, you're
going to turn on the TV and see a weather person pointing to some radar lob
named Frances out in the Atlantic Ocean and making two basic meteorological
points.
(1) There is no need to panic.
(2) We could all be killed.
Yes, hurricane season is an exciting time to be in Florida. If you're new
to the area, you're probably wondering what you need to do to prepare for
the possibility that we'll get hit by "the big one". Based on insurance
industry experience, it is recommended that you follow this simple
three-step hurricane preparedness plan:
STEP 1: Buy enough food and bottled water to last your family for at least
three days.
STEP 2: Put these supplies into your car.
STEP 3: Drive to Nebraska and remain there until Halloween.
Unfortunately, statistics show that most people will not follow this
sensible plan. Most people will foolishly stay here in Florida.
We'll start with one of the most important hurricane preparedness items:
HOMEOWNERS' INSURANCE: If you own a home, you must have hurricane insurance.
Fortunately, this insurance is cheap and easy to get, as long as your home
meets two basic requirements:
(1) It is reasonably well-built, and
(2) It is located in Wisconsin
Unfortunately, if your home is located in Florida, or any other area that
might actually be hit by a hurricane, most insurance companies would prefer
not to sell you hurricane insurance, because then they might be required to
pay YOU money, and that is certainly not why they got into the insurance
business in the first place. So you'll have to scrounge around for an
insurance company, which will charge you an annual premium roughly equal to
the replacement value of your house. At any moment, this company can drop
you like used dental floss.
SHUTTERS: Your house should have hurricane shutters on all the windows, all
the doors, there are several types of shutters, with advantages and
disadvantages:
Plywood shutters:The advantage is that, because you make them yourself,
they're cheap.
Sheet-metal shutters:The advantage is that these work well, once you get
them all up. The disadvantage is that once you get them all up, your hands
will be useless bleeding stumps, and it will be probably be December.
Roll-down shutters:The advantages are that they're very easy to use, and
will definitely protect your house. The disadvantage is that you will have
to sell your house to pay for them.
Hurricane-Proof windows: These are the newest wrinkle in hurricane
protection: They look like ordinary windows, but they can withstand
hurricane winds! You can be sure of this, because the salesman says so. He
lives in Nebraska.
Hurricane proofing your property: As the hurricane approaches, check your
yard for movable objects like barbecue grills, planters, patio furniture,
visiting relatives, etc... You should, as a precaution, throw these items
into your swimming pool (if you don't have a swimming pool, you should have
one built immediately). Otherwise, the hurricane winds will turn these
objects into deadly missiles.
EVACUATION ROUTE:
If you live in a low-lying area, you should have an evacuation route planned
out. (To determine whether you live in a low-lying area, look at your
driver's license; if it says "Florida," you live in a low-lying area). The
purpose of having an evacuation route is to avoid being trapped in your home
when a major storm hits. Instead, you will be trapped in a gigantic traffic
jam several miles from your home, along with two hundred thousand other
evacuees. So, as a bonus, you will not be lonely.
HURRICANE SUPPLIES:
If you don't evacuate, you will need a mess of supplies. Do not buy them
now! Florida tradition requires that you wait until the last possible
minute, then go to the supermarket and get into vicious fights with
strangers over who gets the last can of SPAM. In addition to food and water,
you will need the following supplies:
O 23 flashlights; at least $167 worth of batteries that turn out, when
the power goes off, to be the wrong size for the flashlights.
O Bleach. (No, I don't know what the bleach is for. NOBODY knows what the
bleach is for, but it's traditional, so GET some!)
O A big knife that you can strap to your leg. (This will be useless in a
hurricane, but it looks cool.)
O A large quantity of raw chicken, to placate the alligators. (Ask
anybody who went through Andrew; after the hurricane, there WILL be irate
alligators.)
O $35,000 in cash or diamonds so that, after the hurricane passes, you
can buy a generator from a man having no discernible teeth.
Of course these are just basic precautions. As the hurricane draws near, it
is vitally important that you keep abreast of the situation by turning on
your television and watching TV reporters in rain slickers stand right next
to the ocean and tell you over and over how vitally important it is for
everybody to stay away from the ocean.
Good luck, and remember: its great living in Paradise!
A Floridian
either way I hope to take some awesome storm pics which if my power comes back up after the storm I will gladly post. till then here's the local circular email. I've recieved it from 4 of my friends.
Hurricane Preparedness..... I know, I know.. This is no laughing matter.
So I'm moving to Iowa.
We're about to enter the peak of the hurricane season. Any day now, you're
going to turn on the TV and see a weather person pointing to some radar lob
named Frances out in the Atlantic Ocean and making two basic meteorological
points.
(1) There is no need to panic.
(2) We could all be killed.
Yes, hurricane season is an exciting time to be in Florida. If you're new
to the area, you're probably wondering what you need to do to prepare for
the possibility that we'll get hit by "the big one". Based on insurance
industry experience, it is recommended that you follow this simple
three-step hurricane preparedness plan:
STEP 1: Buy enough food and bottled water to last your family for at least
three days.
STEP 2: Put these supplies into your car.
STEP 3: Drive to Nebraska and remain there until Halloween.
Unfortunately, statistics show that most people will not follow this
sensible plan. Most people will foolishly stay here in Florida.
We'll start with one of the most important hurricane preparedness items:
HOMEOWNERS' INSURANCE: If you own a home, you must have hurricane insurance.
Fortunately, this insurance is cheap and easy to get, as long as your home
meets two basic requirements:
(1) It is reasonably well-built, and
(2) It is located in Wisconsin
Unfortunately, if your home is located in Florida, or any other area that
might actually be hit by a hurricane, most insurance companies would prefer
not to sell you hurricane insurance, because then they might be required to
pay YOU money, and that is certainly not why they got into the insurance
business in the first place. So you'll have to scrounge around for an
insurance company, which will charge you an annual premium roughly equal to
the replacement value of your house. At any moment, this company can drop
you like used dental floss.
SHUTTERS: Your house should have hurricane shutters on all the windows, all
the doors, there are several types of shutters, with advantages and
disadvantages:
Plywood shutters:The advantage is that, because you make them yourself,
they're cheap.
Sheet-metal shutters:The advantage is that these work well, once you get
them all up. The disadvantage is that once you get them all up, your hands
will be useless bleeding stumps, and it will be probably be December.
Roll-down shutters:The advantages are that they're very easy to use, and
will definitely protect your house. The disadvantage is that you will have
to sell your house to pay for them.
Hurricane-Proof windows: These are the newest wrinkle in hurricane
protection: They look like ordinary windows, but they can withstand
hurricane winds! You can be sure of this, because the salesman says so. He
lives in Nebraska.
Hurricane proofing your property: As the hurricane approaches, check your
yard for movable objects like barbecue grills, planters, patio furniture,
visiting relatives, etc... You should, as a precaution, throw these items
into your swimming pool (if you don't have a swimming pool, you should have
one built immediately). Otherwise, the hurricane winds will turn these
objects into deadly missiles.
EVACUATION ROUTE:
If you live in a low-lying area, you should have an evacuation route planned
out. (To determine whether you live in a low-lying area, look at your
driver's license; if it says "Florida," you live in a low-lying area). The
purpose of having an evacuation route is to avoid being trapped in your home
when a major storm hits. Instead, you will be trapped in a gigantic traffic
jam several miles from your home, along with two hundred thousand other
evacuees. So, as a bonus, you will not be lonely.
HURRICANE SUPPLIES:
If you don't evacuate, you will need a mess of supplies. Do not buy them
now! Florida tradition requires that you wait until the last possible
minute, then go to the supermarket and get into vicious fights with
strangers over who gets the last can of SPAM. In addition to food and water,
you will need the following supplies:
O 23 flashlights; at least $167 worth of batteries that turn out, when
the power goes off, to be the wrong size for the flashlights.
O Bleach. (No, I don't know what the bleach is for. NOBODY knows what the
bleach is for, but it's traditional, so GET some!)
O A big knife that you can strap to your leg. (This will be useless in a
hurricane, but it looks cool.)
O A large quantity of raw chicken, to placate the alligators. (Ask
anybody who went through Andrew; after the hurricane, there WILL be irate
alligators.)
O $35,000 in cash or diamonds so that, after the hurricane passes, you
can buy a generator from a man having no discernible teeth.
Of course these are just basic precautions. As the hurricane draws near, it
is vitally important that you keep abreast of the situation by turning on
your television and watching TV reporters in rain slickers stand right next
to the ocean and tell you over and over how vitally important it is for
everybody to stay away from the ocean.
Good luck, and remember: its great living in Paradise!
A Floridian
VIEW 10 of 10 COMMENTS
dizzy:
still out there bro? 
dizzy:
